Mixed signals make understanding men tough. This reader is confused by how the man she’s dating behaves, so I filled her in on what is really going on.
“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,
I met a guy who was a housemate of one of my friends. He was really outgoing and the next day, he added me on Facebook, then messaged me to hang out with him and his housemates for movie night. He got my number and texted once in a while. He dropped hints that he was interested. He was so good with his words; smooth and confident.
We went on a date to a movie once, but he didn’t pay for my ticket, which turned me off. But, I thought that maybe we are not at that stage yet. Then, after the movie, he insisted we hang and talk more until 2 am. No second date though. We do text – I answer pretty quickly because I always have my phone but he can take a while to respond.
Then, he was busy with summer school and said he would hang with me after the session ended. He FaceTimed me to talk, and told me he was free to hang on Saturday, but when Saturday came, he didn’t connect with me or make plans. He messaged me once in a while and we did snapchat. Then he traveled, and continued to message me a lot, FaceTiming after he had a few drinks. He told me how much he wanted me there.
When he came back home, he still didn’t ask me out. Is he just playing games or just flirting? I really don’t know his intentions and don’t get his mixed signals.
Thanks for your help,
Confused in Colorado”
I can see why you feel confused because he’s sending you mixed messages.
- He asked you on a date, but didn’t pay.
- He misses you when traveling, but doesn’t see you when he gets back.
- He texts and FaceTime’s but doesn’t ask you out.
You are left wondering what is going on. I’m here to help you with understanding men and how dating works. There are a few things going on in this situation, so I’ll explain them one-by-one.
1. Hanging Out – When a guy asks you to hang out, that’s your signal he’s casual about dating or about you. Either way, he’s not serious. If you want to hang out, that’s your choice, but the likelihood that it will become something more is tiny.
Men who want to hang out often want to hook up, which is a no-strings attached relationship. If a man says this to you, pay attention. Yes, you might have fun. But if you want a serious relationship, he’s not the one. Read more about hanging out and hooking up
2. Texting without Dates – Some men just want female attention. It’s enough to be in touch through texting, emailing, phone calls, Skype, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, Snapchat, etc. Communicating with you, whether it’s once in a while or frequent, boosts this guy’s ego. He feels wanted knowing you are on the hook hoping for more.
Trust me, he has no intention of taking this further. I’ve heard this story too many times; how a woman went on one fabulous date, then the guy continues to communicate, but never asks her out again. Single women wonder why the men don’t ask them out and if they did something wrong. Nope – that man just doesn’t want a relationship or can’t handle the emotional requirements of something deeper.
If you are caught up texting, talking on the phone, Skyping etc. with a “no-date” guy, drop him now. Move on to find a man who actually wants to spend time with you. You may think you are developing a strong relationship, but a virtual connection is nothing more than chit chat. No matter how deep the conversation goes, no dates means no relationship. Case closed.
3. Drunken Communication – When someone drinks and dials or Skype, FaceTimes etc., what you are witnessing is a lowering of their defenses. In this condition, he might feel needier about female attention so he contacts you to get his fix. However, as you can see it doesn’t mean anything. He never got together with you. He felt safe since he was separated by great distance and played to your heart.
Don’t fall for drunken confessions or conversation. It’s only the alcohol talking. When he’s not drunk, he won’t reveal this part of himself, so what good does it do you? Just more mixed signals -my advice is not to participate.
Yes, He is Stringing You Along
The answer to your question is, “Yes, his mixed signals tell you he is playing a game.” One that builds his self-esteem and eats away at yours. Drop him immediately if you want to find true love, because he will not change. Neither will his intentions. It’s time to move on and learn from this experience. When a man sends mixed signals like this, he’s telling you he’s not serious and, that’s your cue he’s not the right man for you.
Wishing you love,
PS. Dating coaching can help you with understanding men and finding love again. If you want to avoid heartbreaking mistakes and precious time wasted, call me at 203-877-3777 to see how dating coaching can help you.