When it comes to understanding men, sometimes a guy will ask you out on a “Vague Date”. He’ll suggest getting together and say you’ll talk about the details later. You might text a few times, but no details materialize.
Suddenly, it’s Saturday. You text asking if you are still getting together. He might text back saying something came up or not even respond. Now you’re facing Saturday night with nothing to do when you had been looking forward to a date! Why did he do that?
The “Vague Date” Keeps His Options Open
Some men like to hedge their bets to make sure they have a fun weekend. While chatting with you, he thinks seeing you would be fun, so he asks to meet you Saturday. Having you on the hook is a big relief and at the very least, he can see you.
Then he continues fishing online, viewing profiles, and chatting with women. He connects with another woman who seems better. Maybe she’s cuter, shorter, taller, younger, older, thinner, curvier, etc. Whatever his preferences or mood might be, he asks her out for Saturday night.
Now you can see why he didn’t make a firm plan with you. He was still looking for the best possible catch.
Understanding Men – Talk Is Cheap
My dating advice for women is not to take to heart what men say for the first several dates. This is especially true before you have a first date. Talk is cheap. A man can say sweet things that draw you in and make you adore him. He knows what a woman wants to hear, so it’s easy to say the right stuff.
Players know you want to feel he’s really into you, thinks you’re the one, thinks you’re so pretty, etc. Other men use the “Man of Mystery” approach, getting to know you while revealing nothing. Some women are drawn in by this kind of man.
Remember “Talk Is Cheap”. You can enjoy what a new guy says to win you over, but don’t believe it, taking the bait all hook line and sinker. Only time will tell if he means what he says and is serious about you.
He might mean every word or be playing with you. Or, he might not know what he wants. Men don’t necessarily do these things just to get their way or be mean. Some guys just don’t know what they want so they act this way.
Understanding Men – Follow Through Is Gold
While talk is cheap, follow through is like GOLD. When a man says something and then does it, now you can start taking him a bit more seriously. A man who sets a day and time right away is showing a potentially deeper level of interest in you so watch his actions. When he follows through on promises and what he says, then he’s worthy of seeing again. This is one of the best ways for understanding men.
Dating is nothing more than a crude sorting process. You have to meet a lot of men and see them a few times to weed out the ones who are cheap talkers. It takes several dates to find out which man is serious about you. Watching for what he will DO to win you over is what matters most.
Any man can say nice things and make empty promises. You are looking for the guys who do more than “blow smoke”. You are looking for a man with integrity. A man who does what he says. A man who wants a relationship and wants it with YOU.
Keep Your Options Open Too
Next time a man asks to see you “sometime this weekend”, but doesn’t mention a day, time or place, don’t save the date for him. You can say yes, then keep looking too. As time draws near, you may be tempted to check in with him and ask if you’re still on. I don’t recommend it. If he’s really curious or interested in you, he should close the deal to make sure you are “off the market” for the weekend.
My dating advice for women is not get excited about a vague date. If there’s no day and time, then it’s not a real date. Until the details are firm, you are still available. He may follow through. But, if you have accepted a date with a different guy because the first one didn’t follow up fast enough, you can save face. Just say, “Oh I didn’t hear from you so I made other plans. But I’m free Sunday afternoon” (or whenever you are free next.) That lets him know you’re still interested and he’s still got a chance.
Learn to leave your heart out of figuring this kind of situation out. After all, if a man doesn’t know you, then he’s not rejecting you. He’s just making another choice. Understanding men is so much easier when you take your emotional attachment out of the equation and look at the situation objectively with a clear head.
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