Have you been caught up in a virtual relationship that leaves you frustrated and wanting more? Check out my dating advice that explains why this will never become true love.
How to Know When Your Virtual Relationship Is a Dead End
I met a guy in college and we really started getting along well. We’ve been talking via messaging and phone for well over 2 years, building both a deep emotional connection and also an everlasting friendship. I really like him and he says he does too, but he doesn’t want a relationship because he is going away for his PhD. He’ll be away for 4 years and I understand that.
What bothers me is that we’ve only met two times the entire two years we have been talking. He is a very shy guy, and we are always busy. Every time I mention this issue, he says he wants to let things flow how they are. He doesn’t want anything to change between us. I don’t want to lose his friendship, but I also really like him and am kind of confused as to what he wants. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.
Longing in Louisville”
My heart goes out to you and this isn’t easy to tell you, but you are not in a real relationship. You are stuck in a virtual relationship that is not true love. It may feel that way, but real love requires spending time together in person. A true relationship requires human contact in person; touch, kissing and spending time getting to know each other face-to-face.
I wish I could tell you differently, and I don’t mean to sound harsh but here’s the truth: You have wasted two years of your life on a man who point-blank told you he doesn’t want a relationship.
This virtual thing is perfect for him because he’s completely free to live his life any way he wants without having to consider your needs. And you have accepted this substandard love. In sharing in his virtual relationship crumbs you developed strong feelings for him and want more, but he’s not the kind of man who can give you more. He likes things just as they are.
Believe me, virtual relationship are an epidemic among single women and you are NOT alone. They have emerged from over-relying on technology which is rampant today. I hear stories of people who have rich texting relationships that can’t keep an interesting conversation going in person. That doesn’t bode well for a healthy marriage or living together!
True love requires getting to know each other in person and enjoying many types of communication, especially face-to-face, live and in person. You need to touch each other, hug and snuggle, kiss and more. How else can you feel the excitement and electricity that is the chemistry of attraction? You need to share experiences of going to the theater or a street fair, sharing a meal, or listening to live music and dancing.
How you interact when you are together is how you can judge if you are long-term material with true love potential. You will never know this when you text, talk, Skype, or Googlechat. No matter how closely you feel your virtual interactions reflect real life, they aren’t real life are they?
You have allowed yourself to fall in love with a man who can give you nothing more than a few hours of his time. The virtual nature of your interactions keeps you both at arms length. As a dating coach for women, I would gently ask you to look within and ask yourself why you’ve been willing to hang in there with only two dates in two years. How has this worked for you?
Do you feel there are no other men out there? Are you too busy for the real thing and true love? In what ways does the less demanding virtual relationship fit your life style or emotional readiness? Seriously considering these questions may unlock a new level of awareness about yourself that can open your heart and mind to true love and a real relationship with a man who wants to spend time with you.
I’ve written several posts about men who texting and virtual relationships – this one might be helpful to read.
My dating advice for you is to drop Mr. PhD immediately. This is a no-win, dead end situation that will break your heart if it hasn’t already. You deserve true love in real time with all its joys and rough patches as you grow and learn and live life together.
Vow that you will never get involved in another texting/phone calling virtual relationship again. Pledge to never accept a man’s dating crumbs or waste time on a guy who can’t share his life with you with live dates once a week in the beginning. A virtual relationship will never blossom into the real thing and nothing else is acceptable if true love is your goal.
Wishing you love,