How has online dating been going? If you aren’t meeting many men or no one interests you, these tips for online dating will help you make better connections.
Are You Guilty of Being Too Picky?
Saying No is Easy
Being too picky is an easy trap to fall into. You look at men’s profiles and you think to yourself, “No, nope, not him either.” When it comes to dating, nothing is easier than saying no. The Trouble is, when you say no you are shutting down possibilities. When this happens too often, you end up with NO options. That means no one to date.
To find love, you have to push yourself a little sometimes. You have to stretch beyond your first instincts and snap judgments. First impressions are powerful, but when you are looking at men on line before meeting in person, it’s a bit different.
Men don’t think the same way women do. They might not spend as much time on their profiles and definitely not on their photos. As a result, many guys aren’t maximizing their appeal for their best advantage. This is a huge generalization, but in the same way men don’t like to ask for directions, they don’t like to ask for help and that includes online dating. So they take crummy selfies or don’t spell check.
Snap Judgments Don’t help You Find Love
As you react to a poor photo or a profile that could be better written and think, “Not him,” you maybe missing out on a warm hearted guy who is looking for a great woman like you. Granted, this snap judgment is understandable, but it sure won’t help you find love.
Instead, take a minute to think about what he is really communicating about himself. If he had a better photo would you write to him or respond to his email? If he had more hair, more height, or more stylish clothes, would you be open to him? You only need to get through a cup of coffee for a basic chemistry check.
Are You Disqualifying Too Many Men?
In my dating advice and tips for online dating, I recommend you stretch past your immediate instincts because you are likely disqualifying too many men and are at risk of keeping yourself single. Being picky is your prerogative, but it comes at a huge price: YOUR LONELINESS.
Everyone makes snap judgments so you are not the only person guilty of this error. Sometimes you are right on the money. But, what about the other times? How many potentially good guys have you let slip through your fingers because it was so easy to say no and skip to the next? What would happen if you gave a few of these men a chance?
Refusing to Settle
Let me tell you a story about one of my dating coaching clients. Susan was very sure of what she wanted in a man. She had a lengthy list of criteria and was firm on how she would not “settle”. In the time we worked together, she reviewed over 6,000 men’s profiles. How many men did she find worth communicating with from of all those profiles? Only five or six! Seriously, that was it. She did not find love.
Her unwillingness to settle and extensive list of “must haves” effectively kept her single and alone. She felt sad about it. Yet, Susan felt strongly she deserved the very best and would not give an inch on any of the qualities she thought she needed to be happy. So, instead of settling for a man who was less than perfect, she settled for being single.
As a dating coach for women since 2002, I can thankfully say the vast majority of my clients do not react this way. When we talk about pickiness and snap judgments, they ponder my dating advice and find ways to let down the barriers. You’ve got to be able to let a few men jump the hurdle and get over the bar.
Lower the Bar to Realistic
Trust me, I don’t want you to settle for a man who is not worthy of you. That would be pointless. However, please consider coming back down to reality. Remember no man is perfect, and in truth, neither are you. (Or me for that matter!)
Forget about how things work in the movies, the media, celebrities and for other women. Let’s just focus on what qualities would really make you happy and go with those. You live on earth, so you will need to fall in love with an earthling who has flaws. Hopefully his good points far out weigh any imperfections and in addition, he has the ability to accept your flaws and appreciate the wonderful, open hearted woman you are.
If you want more tips for online dating, my home-study program, How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online is just the thing with four hours of recorded seminar time and tons of helpful bonuses to help you find love online.