Online Dating Tips: Is It OK to Email Men First?

My online dating tips are proven, practical and down-to-earth. Here’s what I have to say about reaching out to men online.

online dating tipsOnline Dating Tips to Connect with Men

Many women tell me they’re tired of waiting for men to email them online. One of my best online dating tips suggests not waiting at all! While relying on your feminine charm and avoiding chasing men are both important, sending a first email online is neither of these things.

There is a huge difference between saying hello and asking a man out. The first should be lighthearted, friendly, and even flirtatious. On the other hand, asking a man out is definitely taking charge and chasing him. I hope you can see nothing is similar about theses two behaviors.

As a woman, using your feminine charm to connect with men is a smart thing to do. You are simply making it easier for men to approach you. That’s also true about emailing men online. When you reach out to a guy, you are letting him know you are interested. If he is interested in you, then he will respond. It’s really that simple.

What Should You Say in a First Email?

Again my online dating tips are very simple for the first email. I recommend any of the following communications:

  • Ask a question about something you found interesting in his profile
  • Make a comment about something he wrote
  • If you have a sense of humor, say something funny, flirty or teasing
  • Above all, keep it really short

What Should You Avoid in the First Email?

  • Telling him what a good match you are with similar interests – that’s for him to decide
  • Talking about yourself – he can look up your profile
  • Saying you are new to online dating and aren’t sure what to say which shows a lack of confidence
  • Asking more than one question – don’t make things complicated or he won’t write back

When Should You Expect Him to Respond?

My online dating tip is to not expect anything. Maybe he’ll write back immediately, maybe in a few days and most likely not at all. learn to not take this personally. After all, he doesn’t even know you so if he doesn’t respond, he is simply the wrong guy. The right guy would of course respond and want to know more about you.

Stop Thinking No Response Is Rejection

The best way to navigate through the often emotional waters of online dating is to find a way to see a man’s lack of response as just that and not some dire, ego-assaulting rejection.

The guy doesn’t know you. Maybe you don’t appeal to him physically. More likely he’s seeing other women, busy at work, not into dating right now, has a dead profile but never shut his account down properly, etc. There are plenty of reasons why men don’t get back to you besides you not being their type.

Rejection Is Part of Dating

In addition, think about all the men you reject! Dating is a sorting process. You are trying to select a man who might be a good match which includes finding him attractive, having similar interests and values, having the same dating agenda as you, etc. Some guys obviously don’t fit the mold so you cross them off the list.

If a man doesn’t respond, isn’t he doing the very same thing? The process of dating is fraught with rejection. Learning how to handle it with grace and maintain your self-esteem and ego will serve you well. Don’t get your panties in a bunch over some guy you’ve never met.  Let it go and move on.

There are millions of men on dating sites, so remember the Universe is an abundant place and new men jump online all the time. Somewhere out there is the right man for you. Don’t stop until you find each other. And that’s my best online dating tips for you today.

To get more of my online dating tips, check out my Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online home study course with 4 hours of recorded seminar time, along with ebooks and bonus audios to help you find the love you want.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

4 thoughts on “Online Dating Tips: Is It OK to Email Men First?”

  1. What happens when someone contacts me and put me on his ‘favorites’ and said he was a northern gentleman – ? (my profile says I was looking for a southern gentleman). I thanked him for contacting me and I responded back to him & congratulated him for having a new addition to the family for 2015 (his daughter had a new baby) which was what his profile said. I never heard from him again….. I don’t understand…(??)

    Reply
    • Hi Alma,

      The best thing to do is not think too much about any one contact from a man. You’ll never know why he didn’t follow up and this could drive you crazy, Learn to let it go with grace because it will happen all the time and it’s completely normal and to be expected. People are fickle. He might have met someone he liked, wen offline for a while or any number of reasons why he didn’t get back to you. Just move on and continue being friendly.

  2. I’ve started emailing men first and it’s harder than I thought. I scan thru their profile and try to come up with a short one liner or something to ask them. I’ve received one email from a guy “thanking me but telling me he didn’t think we were a match”. Most don’t write back, which is fine. This has given me more appreciation and understanding what it feels like for men, who still do most of the pursuing.

    The part I need to work on is not letting the emails go past 3.

    Ronnie, Do you think it’s ok to go out if he asks for a date suddenly out of the blue, after being ignored? That sometimes happens once in a while. A pen pal type suddenly wants to go out and boldly asks.

    Reply
    • Hi Mandy, Yes, writing to men does give you an idea of how they feel when you don’t respond. It’s still a good thing to do. Keep in mind this is limited rejection – these men have never met you. They might not be active, they might e seeing someone, they might have stopped dating, etc.

      The number of emails doesn’t have to be rigid – I just want to have you avoid weeks of emails without meeting which is a huge waste of time. Plus, it often builds up a fantasy about the guy and gives you false hope. If a guy suddenly wants to see you, who knows if that is a good thing or not? There’s one way to tell…set up the date and see what happens. You do have to kiss a number of frogs so to speak, but every man you meet brings you one step closer to the right one for you.

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