If you want help understanding men and what they mean when they ask you to hang out, this post will clear up a lot of mystery so dive in!
Help with Understanding Men – What They Say and Do
“Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,
I read through the all the stories and answers on the post Don’t Pursue Men. Every single time you give fantastic advice.
I am 50 and had a recent experience myself. I met a man ( in his 50s divorced for 11 years) on Friday night at a local band, we danced, went back to my sister’s house and partied on and talked all night. We were the proverbial house on fire! We had some cuddles and kisses but nothing more. It was nice to have that contact I must say.
Call Me if You Want to Hang Out
Before we parted he offered me his number, but I gave him mine as well. He said, “Call me if you want to hang out” I said “OK and you can call me if you want.” He called me the next day and left a message to ask if he’d left his glasses there. I called back and left a message that he hadn’t and I didn’t notice that he had glasses with him.
He texted me at 11:30pm on Sunday night and asked if I wanted company. I was asleep. I replied about 11am the next day and said, “I saw your text this morning, I was asleep when you texted but I wouldn’t have answered to a booty call anyway. I am happy to catch up again, but not late at night in the form of a booty call. I hope you had a nice evening anyway.”
He Denied it
He texted me back about 5pm and said that it wasn’t a booty call. He couldn’t believe he was even saying that phrase, he just wanted to catch up and thought late was OK because we had been up late on Friday night and that he’s not into playing games. He’s too old for that.
I said: “I’m sorry I assumed wrongly. There are a lot of people out there that do play games and even if they are too old lol.” and left it at that. He texted and said he really enjoyed my company and would I like to catch up for a coffee the next day, “definitely not a booty call lol”.
Asked Her to Make Dinner
I was busy in the morning, he was busy in the afternoon. I suggested, “How about a rain check or dinner?” He said, “Dinner would be good at a restaurant or would I show him my culinary delights?” I said, “How about a restaurant this time and you can try my culinary delights another time.” I took that to mean we were having dinner that night instead of the coffee.
At 5pm there was no word from him on a time and place so I called and left a message, “Hi, it’s Kerry just wondering if we are still on for dinner tonight?” He called back (I was on another call) and left a message that he didn’t realize I thought dinner was tonight. He said two or three times, he’s very sorry, he’s already made dinner and he’ll call me later.
Well it’s a day later and no call Although I was disappointed about dinner and getting to know him, I am not taken by surprise and didn’t expect much and would rather know he’s “just not that into me!” I’m not in a hurry to be in a relationship, but I’m happy to go out and get to know someone.
I would love your thoughts on this situation Ronnie.
No Dinner in Delaware”
Hi No Dinner,
I’m happy to say you have good instincts. But I would like to help you read the signs even faster.
Let me translate the ManSpeak for you. When a man gives you his number and asks you to “hang out”, this is what he is really saying. Hang out is a casual term meaning, “I’m not going to do any of the regular dating pursuit, but if you want to casually hangout and make it really easy for me, we can spend time together. I probably won’t take you on any real dates. We might get take out and watch movies at your house or mine and have sex.”
Next time a man says, “Wanna hang out?” walk away. Or you could smile at him and say something playful like, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Or, “That’s quite an invitation, thanks.” Then keep walking. You can play his game if you find it fun and want to practice your flirting skills on a man who isn’t in the running for the role of boyfriend. Just don’t fall for it.
11:30 PM is a Booty Call
When I read your question, I got a good laugh out his denial that he made a booty call to you at 11:30. He’s got a sense of humor. You were right on target with that girlfriend! I don’t care how old he is, he knows what a booty call is and he made one to you.
This man was interested in having sex with you. When you couldn’t have coffee, he then tried to get into your home by asking you to make him dinner. After you did the right thing redirecting him out of the home, he let the ball drop and acted like he was confused and sorry about it. Nonsense! He’s an active player and knows exactly what he is doing.
He’s not a quality man looking for love.
Dating Advice for Women
I do have some dating advice for you. You might want to rethink going home from a bar with a man you don’t really know no matter how cute he is. He thought you might go for his “hanging out” routine because you were comfortable cuddling on the first night you met him at your sister’s home.
I recommend staying out of the home for the first several dates for this very reason. I know it was fun and sweet, and no great loss that it didn’t work out. But if you are looking for lasting love, you might want to save the make out session for a few dates later.
I do advise my clients to stay in public places until ready for intimacy. Sometimes, when you get into that comfortable place, the kisses are flying and you are like a “house on fire” it’s really hard to stop the flames of passion.
How to Stay Objective about a Man
Holding off on intimacy gives you more time to see him with objective eyes and figure out if he has the potential to be “The One”. It’s not about what he thinks about you if you sleep with him quickly. It’s all about guarding your heart.
Many women feel very hurt if a guy doesn’t ask to see them again after sleeping together. If a man shows you consistent interest for 5, 6 or 7 dates, it’s more likely he’s into you and not just the conquest of getting you into bed.
You are on the right track with understanding men, so keep going – you will find him!
Wishing you love,