Need break up advice about a man you are seeing? If you’ve been in an on and off again relationship that’s driving you crazy and you need help understanding men, the advice in this post will help.
Break Up Advice for the On and Off Again Relationship
“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,
I have been seeing a guy on and off for a little over two years now. I feel like when we first met we were instantly attracted to each other.
He got my number and we went out once or twice, but we stayed in contact all the time with texts and phone calls. After two weeks of seeing him he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and the relationship began. We broke up about four times in the past two years. The thing about him is that when we break up and stop talking he doesn’t try and contact me in months. He’ll wait 3 – 4 months and than start contacting me again.
It drives me crazy because I try to move on and I don’t contact him, but than he pops out of no where and convinces me. Last time we stopped talking and than started to again. He would tell me that we needed to take it slow and not get into a relationship right away.
How can I take it slow with a person I’ve known for two years? I thought this was insane and we ended up walking away from each other once again. He didn’t try to contact me or anything.
I have feelings for this man or maybe even be in love with him. So, after not talking to him for a few months, I texted him to ask him about something. It’s been 2 days and we haven’t stopped texting. It seems to me that if he wanted to be with me he would say it instead of texting about random things all day long. Don’t you think that’s true?
I don’t understand. I must need help with understanding men. If he doesn’t want to be with me why text me all day long to keep in contact? When I try to end the conversation, he texted back right away to start a new one! What is going on?
Thanks for your dating advice,
On and Off in Omaha”
Dear On and Off,
I know this is hard but you need break up advice, not dating advice. This is NOT the man for you. Like you said, how could he want you, but want to take it slowly after two years? Then not speak to you for months and show up wanting to start all over? This makes no sense at all.
This is a man who is NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE. I call men like this, “Revolving Door Man”. He’s in with you, he’s out, in and out like a revolving door. If you ever wondered what it looked like for a man to be emotionally unavailable – you are looking right at it now.
Breaking up is not romantic – it’s hurtful. Sometimes women are drawn to the drama of frequent breakups followed by intense makeups. But it doesn’t sound to me that you are seeking drama. So follow your own instincts and move on permanently to find true love.
I know you have feelings for him. People often want what they cannot have, especially when it comes to the unattainable man. His “ungettableness” adds to the pull you feel.
So, the hard lesson is to realize that having feelings for a man doesn’t mean you were “meant to be.” Your feelings don’t directly indicate that he is the man for you. Unfortunately, attraction is NOT an indicator of a potentially a healthy, lasting, loving relationship either. It’s just attraction.
In fact, I’m quite sure he is NOT the right guy. After all, the right man for you would not jerk you around. or stop talking to you for months. Or text but not see you. These are all signs of dating Mr. Wrong.
So my break up advice to you is to cut him off cold turkey. It’s like ripping a band aid off fast – it will hurt, but then it will be over. You’ll finally be free to date other men; better men who know what they want. A man who is ready for a relationship. A man who knows you are the one for him.
Doesn’t that sound a heck of a lot better that dealing with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants?
Your guy is out there. But, you’ll never know if you allow yourself to be stuck on Revolving Door Man. Be brave and kick him to the curb. Open your heart to a new man who treats you better, is consistent and shows you that he wants to be with you.
Wishing you love,