Looking for dating tips for women? Then read this NY Times article about Modern Love and Dr. Aron’s psychological love experiment and my tips to help you find love.
Very Unusual Dating Tips for Women
Here are the main details from this psych lab experiment on love. More than 20 years ago, Dr. Arthur Aron did a lab experiment where he selected subjects, a man and a woman, to run through 36 questions of his design.
The first questions were easy like:
– Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
– Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Then they became more probing, more intimate:
– Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common
– What roles do love and affection play in your life?
And then even more personal:
– If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know
– When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
In the lab, the couple went through each question one after another in rapid succession. The NY Times writer and her date took 3 hours while drinking wine in a bar. They actually enjoyed learning about each other and only had very basic knowledge of each other before embarking on this adventure.
The last part of the original experiment was to gaze into each other’s eyes for 4 consecutive minutes – a very intimate and confronting process. The writer and her date talked about this and laughed. Then he suggested they try it, but only if they leave the bar. So they walked out into the night and stood on a bridge gazing at each other.
Apparently this works because they got married!
Now I have to be honest. I doubt this worked just because of the 36 questions or they eye thing. Both the writer and her date were open to the experiment and willing to see what happened if they followed the protocol. Plus, they were not strangers as was done in Dr. Aron’s original lab study. They already knew each other enough to be out together – although it was their first time alone and not in a larger group. So let’s say some attraction was in play.
My Dating Tips for Women about the Lab Experiment
Should you print out these 36 questions to spark love and use the list on your next first date? No, I don’t recommend that. However, you could choose a select group of the questions and try them over a few dates with the same person to test the waters. They are engaging, thought provoking inquires that will help you get to know someone who is willing to dig deep, share and be vulnerable with you.
Most importantly, getting into the other person’s head will help you figure out your potential compatibility. Try these dating tips for women regarding the questions:
- Will he answer your deeper questions?
- Does he balk and refuse or change the subject?
- How do you feel about his answers and how do they fit with yours?
This could more quickly reveal the gaps in understanding each other that might take so much longer to uncover.
Whether you choose to follow in the writer’s foot steps with Dr. Aron’s method or follow your own path, I hope you take the steps to find the love you want. No matter how many dating tips for women you read, one thing I know for sure as a dating coach is that no one can do this for you. It’s up to you. People fall in love every day. You could be next if you are willing to meet lots of new people, try new things, get past your comfort zone and take consistent steps.
I’m rooting for you! That’s my job. If you have questions about what might be impeding your ability to find love, give me a call. 203-877-3777. Let’s get acquainted and find out how I can help. Or check out my book MANifesting Mr. Right for loads of dating tips for women and the plan I followed to find the right man for me. (14.5 happy years and counting.)