Understanding Men – STOP Waiting For Him To Call

understanding men

Do you find yourself waiting for the phone to ring? Waiting for him to call? Let me help you with understanding men and what you can do about it.

There is a lot of dating advice for women on this topic because it’s a tough issue that all single gals have to face. After a great first date and a strong connection, excitement builds. This is especially true at the end of your date, when he asks you for another.

He says he’ll call to set the next date up. So you wait … and wait. The stress builds and for some women turns to anxiety. But he doesn’t call and you feel more than disappointed – you feel devastated! How could he do that to you?

What’s a woman supposed to do? You may feel confused, rejected, or sink into despair. How could he not call when you had such a good time? You could tell he did, too. So, what’s the problem?

Understanding Men – Should I Call Him?

You might think calling him is the answer. Why not right? After all you’re both adults. This is a new era in dating. It’s easy to convince yourself that this is by far the quickest route to ending the tension and waiting.

But as a dating coach for women, I’m not a fan of calling men or initiating contact at the start of dating and here’s why.

1.How Interested Is He?

You want to know what a man will do without your prompting because that tells you how interested he truly is. If he can’t even make a call or ask you out, he’s not interested, no matter how great your first date seemed.

2. You’ll Look Desperate


When you pick up that phone and contact him, you risk looking desperate. Yes, even today many men will think that when they hear your voice on the other end of the phone. This is a fact when it comes to understanding men.

3. You’ll Take Over Pursuit

If you make that one call and it goes well, then you might be tempted to continue on this path. Every time he doesn’t call or ask you out again, you’ll be calling or texting to find out what’s happening and asking to see him again. Now you are chasing him and that never ends well. If you have to chase a man, he definitely is not that interested. But he may be curious enough to stick around and get lucky.

I know it’s not easy to deal with the angst of not knowing. It can drive you nuts wondering what is going on. Some women start to think he got sick or injured himself. Trust me, he’s perfectly fine but just not calling you.

Learn to Read Between the Lines

This might sound weird, but when a man doesn’t call you, he is still communicating loud and clear. He’s saying, “Sorry honey, I’m not that into you.” Once you catch on to the fact that this IS the message he is sending, now you’re on your way to understanding men.

The good news, you’ll stop waiting by the phone and free yourself up to move on to meet better men! Good men are out there. Don’t waste your precious time waiting around for some guy to call. I don’t care who he is or how great a time you had or what a great catch he seems to be. He’s not the man for you or HE WOULD HAVE CALLED.

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Call?

understanding menIf you had a great time with a man and you don’t hear from him in seven days, allow yourself to let go with grace. When a man is into you, he won’t wait a week. He’ll want to see you again and he’ll move heaven and earth to make that happen. Occasionally there are extenuating circumstances but that is a very rare thing. Don’t assume that applies to you because the odds are very strong he’s just not calling.

Why Did He Say He’d Call?

The hard truth is there are plenty of decent men out there who don’t want to hurt you, but don’t know what else to say. They feel saying, “I’ll call you” is easier because they think this is what is expected. Many think not asking is too hard to get away with.

What Can You Do?

Be smart! Know that when a man says, “I’ll call you,” he most likely won’t. This way you won’t be waiting around or disappointed.  You can go about your business and meet other men. And if he does call, then that is a wonderful surprise!

If a man is genuinely interested, he’ll probably contact you within a few days and ask you out again for the following week. Now that’s a man with potential.


For more help with understanding men, schedule a Dating Discovery Session with me and check out my book Is He the One? and learn everything you need to know so you don’t get stuck wasting time.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

4 thoughts on “Understanding Men – STOP Waiting For Him To Call”

  1. Hi Ronnie,

    I’m 42 and have a few online profiles but haven’t had luck. It can’t just be the men and must be me also. I recently met another 42 y/o divorced guy. He reached out to me and it took us a month before I would go out with him. Then we went on 6 dates over a month. I wasn’t attracted to him, but I loved being around him, felt feminine and had a great time. After the second date, he texted that he bought me a special tea and asked if I could come over and drink tea at his place for our 3rd date. I politely declined saying it was a good idea for the future. We had several more dates. For our 7th date, he called and asked if he could come over for tea on Friday night. I had plans and declined, but later said I could meet him in public over the weekend. He never followed up and that was 3 weeks ago. Now he texts apologizing and said he just didn’t want to be alone. I feel because I didn’t move fast enough for him, he changed his mind after 2 months of getting to know me. Am I being unreasonable by holding off on intimacy past a month? What happened to him being this spiritual, Polish gentleman who he professed to be? Should I even respond?

    • Hi Denise, This is a tough one. His “tea agenda” was about sex. But he is a man…and he did hang in there over 6 dates. Is it wrong for you to wait? Of course not! You need to feel comfortable. But are you not attracted or do you just want to wait? How will you know if you’re ready to sleep with him? Perhaps you should have a discussion with him. Tell him you don’t like to rush into things, but enjoy his company. So, if he’s willing to wait on the intimacy, you’d love to spend time with him. See what he says. If he doesn’t want to wait, maybe he’s the wrong man. But, be sure you are honest with yourself about why you are waiting. If it’s because you can’t imagine sleeping with him, then in fairness, let him go.

  2. Hi Ronnie,
    I need some advice and your help is greatly appreciated.
    I met a guy online and we have been out on 3 dates in less than a week. We didn’t have sex but were just making out after the second date. I told him that I like him on the second date (not sure who said it first) but after the second date when we exchange messages I said I miss him. I thought that was a sweet gesture but obviously he didn’t think so. His attitude became cold after the second date. He did text me but it wasn’t affectionate anymore. I know I shouldn’t be asking him out but eventually I did after a while coz I just wanted to know his take on this as he was behaving coldly. When I asked him out on a third date he was excited and eagerly agreed.
    However, on the third date he didn’t seem that affectionate anymore based on his gestures. When I brought up the topic if we will still be going out on dates, he said we can still go out but he said that he feels I am moving too fast and thus he is taking a step back. It’s better that we become friends and let things develop naturally. He said he’s not used to anyone saying I miss you after just two dates and thus he’s stepping back. I told him I am okay with being friends and I appreciate him telling me that so at least I know what to do about it so I don’t waste my time. He sounded a bit upset when I said that and asked if I felt being with him is wasting time. I said no, but just wanted to know what his objective is.
    After the talk, I felt that his attitude changes. He was not as cold to me and wasn’t teasing me anymore. We just continued chatting and then when it’s time to leave, he tried to put his arm around my waist. And before I hopped into the cab, I knew he wanted to kiss me on my lips but I gave him the cheek kiss coz I was too hurt for anything. I am not sure if he felt rejected because of that but I was feeling really rejected by him wanting to be friends and take it slow.
    I haven’t heard from him in 4 days and I am not sure what to do. I do really like him and I know he does like me. Has my behaviour of saying I am being fine with being friends and telling him that I know now what I need to do and not to waste time and not kissing him on the lips a way of rejecting him and thus he will not come back?
    Should I initiate contact or just leave it as it is and not text him at all? Is all lost?

    Will really appreciate your advice. Thanks.

    • Hi Angel,
      For the future, you’ve got to manage your enthusiasm as I call it. After 2 dates, you should say anything about how you feel or missing him. 2 dates? You don’t even know him. Then you ask him out! Oh NO! This makes you look desperate which is anything but attractive. Then you tell him it’s OK to be friends and turn your cheek when he goes to kiss you. Wow – that’s a bunch of mixed messages.

      In a regular situation I would say four days isn’t long between dates and contact. But in this case, I’d be very surprised if you hear from him.

      I’m not sure how much dating experience you have but I’m going to gently ask you to take some time to do a LOT of reading about how dating works today. You don’t want to chase men EVER. For the first 4-8 dates, it works best to follow a man’s lead and not initiate anything. Let him call, text and ask you out first. Your job is to respond – that’s it. So in the future, hold back and let men come to you. Learn to be patient because dating is not instantaneous – it takes time to get to know someone.

      Please don’t contact this man again. Let go and learn how dating works today so the next time a man shows interest in you, you don’t overwhelm him, chase him or turn him off.

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