Need help understanding men who call you, but don’t take you on dates? You are not alone and this post provides insights into this question, so please read on.
Every week, I get several questions from women about this perplexing dating issue:
If he calls me, he must like me.
So why don’t we go on dates?
I totally get why you have trouble with understanding men when they do this sort of thing. That’s why I want to explain what could potentially be going on. There are several reasons that can be behind this confusing behavior.
1. He Wants Feminine Interaction. Some men crave feminine interaction and attention, even though they aren’t capable or ready for the responsibilities that accompany being in a relationship. So, men like this meet you for a date once or twice, then slip into the habit of long phone conversations, emailing or frequent texting.
Do they enjoy talking with you? Yes! Do they like you? Yes! But does that mean all this conversation will turn into a face-to-face relationship? Not at all. Men who do this get what they need from the phone call, emailing or texting. They also feel good knowing you are there to support them emotionally any time they connect.
2. He’s in a Relationship. Some men will date you once and then shift to the phone because it allows him to have more feminine interaction without physically “cheating”. But don’t be fooled. Even if he doesn’t sleep with you, he is having an emotional relationship which is inappropriate if he’s married, living with a woman, or in some sort of exclusive situation.
3. He Needs a Friend. Male friendships are different than a friendship with a woman. With men, a guy isn’t so likely to open up and share his feelings. That’s just not what they tend to talk about. Most men discuss topics that are not usually personal like sports, politics, music, TV, etc.
Some women think it’s a “sign” romantically when a man opens up and shares his feelings with them during these phone sessions. Sadly, this is absolutely NOT TRUE. It does mean you are easy to talk to and willing to listen and put the time in.
4. He Wants an Ego Boost. Men are human and sometimes a person needs an ego boost. When you take his call and talk for a while, that feels good. Some men crave attention and want to be adored. They get a rush out of connecting with you and you are building his ego when you give endlessly by phone, email or text.
Understanding Men: Don’t Mistake His Calls for Genuine Romantic Interest
If you have been through this or are in this situation now, let me share my proven dating advice for women and help you with understanding men:
- Don’t provide endless emotional support. Women often chat or text for weeks or months, ending up in dead end virtual relationships. You trade your support and friendship, thinking it will turn into a romance. It won’t.
- Don’t let the calls or texting go on for more than 10 days between your first and second dates (or any dates after that). Recognize that something is off. A man who is genuinely interested wants to spend time with you IN PERSON at least once a week. True extenuating circumstances are very rare so don’t think you fall into that category.
- Don’t start off with a lot of texting or talk on the phone a lot before you meet when it comes to online dating. This is a huge waste of your time. Save something for when you meet face-to-face and keep phone conversations short. Don’t text him back immediately to slow the exchanges down.
- Don’t think phone calls take the place of dates. No matter how busy a man is, if he doesn’t have time to see you , he is THE WRONG MAN. You want a man who is available to get together. If the guy who is calling or texting doesn’t have time at the beginning, it will never get better. He is showing you that you are NOT HIS PRIORITY and this behavior only worsens with time.
- Don’t believe his excuses for why he can’t see you right now. Realize they are excuses and move on to find a man who is ready for a relationship.
- Don’t think for one minute that a man who is really into you doesn’t care if he never has sex with you. I hope this statement alone snaps you back to reality if you wasting time in a virtual relationship.
When it comes to understanding men, if you look at what is going on objectively, most times you can figure it out. The problem is, women tend to complicate the meaning with emotions. Let me boil it all down and make understanding men super simple by relying on Greg Behrendt and his book on this subject:
If he doesn’t make time to see you,
he’s just not that into you.
Everything else is just talk, pretty words, excuses or malarkey. Relationships and love require live dates to grow and blossom. Keep your love life simple and don’t try to read more meaning into what men say.
The only thing that matters are a man’s actions!
The last thing I want to share on this subject is that women can be guilty of this same thing. I had two male clients over last summer and both of them dated women who exhibited this very same behavior. The women would say yes to dates, then postpone and want to connect by phone, text and email until they could reschedule. One took two weeks and the other never did find the time. So either gender can fall into this trap.
This is NOT about men being “bad”. Most of these guys are not trying to lead you on, they just aren’t capable of more at this time or potentially ever. Don’t wait around for him to heal or realize you are “the one”. Go find a healthy guy who is relationship ready instead.
Women often think they are the exception to this rule. You may think your situation is different than what I’m talking about, but I guarantee that is not true. If you are in a phone or texting relationship, let it go and move on to find a man who is ready and available for the loving relationship you crave and deserve.
Please call me to schedule your 15-minute consultation to discover how I might help you find love with the right man. 203-877-3777.