Ready to stop thinking about him once and for all?
Dating over 50 (or any age) can be trying to say the least. And once you find someone you are interested in and things don’t work out, that’s even harder. You get emotionally invested and spend a lot of time thinking about him:
- What you like
- What you hope for
- When he’d call again
- What would be fun
- What he meant when he said that
- When you’d see him next
- When he’d kiss you again and make you melt
I could go on and on because you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been there and maybe you are there right now.
Then suddenly it’s all over. He stopped calling or you had a disagreement that could not be unresolved.
Yet, that circular thought pattern about this man keeps going. Like a train moving on down the tracks. Like your mind has an engine of it’s own and keeps chugging on those same thoughts. You’ve been thinking about him for weeks or months and now, you are supposed to stop. Just like that?
I’ve been in your shoes and I know how hard this is. Since I share my experience with client to help them move on, I thought it could be helpful to share with you, my readers as well. So here are my best seven tips to stop thinking about him as quickly as possible.
1. You Need to WANT to Stop. You have to be on board with the idea that it’s time to let go and move on. Your desire to stop thinking about him is the first step to releasing him and freeing yourself up for the next phase of your life.
2. Your Inner Voice Is Not Your Authentic Self. What matters most about your ability to stop thinking about him is to recognize you are in charge, not your mind. That inner voice is not your true, authentic self. Once you realize this and separate from that inner voice, you have the chance to set yourself free and proceed to the next phase of your life. To separate, give your inner voice (also called gremlin, inner critic, the voice of reason, etc.) a name. Then address your inner voice with this name and say, “Thank you for sharing,” “Go away,” or “I’m in charge not you,” etc. You get the idea.
3. Focus on a Hobby. I encourage you to do anything positive that keeps you from thinking about him. So, this is a great time to pick up your favorite hobby or if you don’t have one, try things to find one now. You might buy a cross stitch kit, knit a sweater, crochet a throw for your bed or learn to paint. Hobbies can be very rewarding and productive way to spend your time and focus on something other than HIM.
4. Start a New Project. Do you have a big project you’ve been putting off for a while? This is the time to dive in and get it done. Clean out your closets. Organize your papers. Paint that dresser or cabinet. Completing this overdue project will provide a sense of accomplishment and occupy your mind.
5. Spend Time with Friends. You probably have a couple of very supportive friends. Now is the time to hang out with them. maybe meet some of their friends too. Go to dinner. Get take out and watch your favorite chick flicks. Have drinks and laugh about old times. Find ways to get out and enjoy yourself to get the support you need and distract yourself from HIM.
6. Meditate or Do Yoga. When your mind is buzzing and you can’t stop thinking about him, meditation can be amazingly helpful. Try a guided meditation tape if you’ve never done this before. The tapes (Deepak Chopra has several options) make it so easy – you just listen and meditation happens. If your mind wanders, just bring yourself back to listen to the voice guiding you.
Yoga is also great for quieting the mind, but involves your whole body. When you concentrate on holding the positions and breathing, your mind becomes still and focused. You’ll find this to be a wonderful respite from the intense thinking, thinking thinking you might otherwise be doing.
7. “Letting Go” Exercise. It’s natural to have a tendency to hold on, especially to someone you really wanted to be with. But there comes a time when you simply must let go. Letting go is healthy and part of the healing process. The longer you hold on beyond the time it makes sense to maintain a connection, the harder it will be to free yourself.
Try this exercise to start the letting go process and know you may need to repeat this several times for it to take hold and create the shift so you can move on.
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes
- Take three deeps breaths and feel your body relax
- Relax your body from head to toe in your mind and body
- Imagine you are sitting before the person you need to release – you are on the same level
- See if there are cords or strings that connect your two bodies
- Gently pull a cord from your body and let it drop. You may also need to pull it from your end away from the other person’s body as well
- Say goodbye to the person and mean it. Say “I release you” or “I am now free from our connection.”
- Put the cords on the floor or ground in the space between you and the other person and watch them burn up in flash, shifting your energy and releasing your connection. This is the transformation you seek.
- Imagine gentle healing where the cords were attached to your body. You can see this happening spontaneously, or imagine Angels healing you or the healing can come from your own hands.
- Be thankful for the healing and feel ready to move on
Obviously, you don’t need to use all of these methods unless you want to. Try a few and see what works for you. Once you can let go, you can move on to meet a man who is more compatible and a better long-term match for the love you want and deserve.
For more dating advice for women, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single