Understanding Men: I Want to Meet Him But We Only Talk or Text

 

Need help understanding men?

understanding men, texting him, dating coach, online datingAre you texting and talking to him, but wonder why you can’t seem to meet? This is such a common problem, many women have been in this frustrating situation. My dating advice below will help you clear up the mystery of why he’ll text or call, but not meet you in person.

 

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone since January 2014. At first, we planned on several meetings, but they were canceled (due to his work and mine). I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sharing se.xual conversations. He even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I enjoy texting him. I really want to meet him, He says he wants to meet me too, but he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between him and I should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts are not the proper way, since we have good relation and respect on each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.. Thank you so much..

Hoping to Meet Him”

 

Dear Hoping,

You could use a little help with understanding men. I know you want to be nice, but bottom line, you are NOT in a relationship. Truth is, you share a fantasy and he is wasting your time. Don’t think for a moment your smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you hope to meet him someday. Why does he stay when he knows he’ll never meet you? How is this respectful or honest on his part?

One thing I know for sure, if you decide to talk to him about this, he will argue with you and tell you he has good intentions. He will promise to meet you soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in his game.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to start understanding men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you? Here are a few possibilities:

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t really want to physically “cheat”
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a true relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any strings of attachment or expectations on your part
  • He’s not really emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go 0n, but I’m sure you get the idea right? There isn’t one legitimate or rational idea that comes to mind.

If this man wanted to date you, he would done so by now. Seriously, how much more is there to know? He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and fantasy s.ex.

My best dating advice for you is:

1) Think about yourself first, not him.

Think about how much time you have invested and wasted with this man. More than six months! Think about how you have given your heart away to a man who will not meet you. Think about how you are attached to a man you will never kiss or have dinner with. Acknowledge the manipulation! Then stop texting him and talking to him on the phone. You owe him nothing.

Not all men are like this, but understanding men who are like this will keep you from getting into another fantasy relationship again  Good men are definitely out there waiting to meet a woman like you.

2) Get back online to find real men to date.

Once you start dating others, you will soon forget about the man who dared to waste six months of your life or how you allowed that to happen. Once you go on live dates, you’ll see how limited this situation is and how you deserve so much more. You deserve a real relationship, face-to-face, holding hands, dancing together. You deserve to make love in person with a warm, caring, loving man who is relationship ready and not hiding behind technology.

Please let go and free yourself up to find a real love and a healthy relationship. This one is not only a dead end, but a terrible waste of your love and kindness.

 

 

118 responses on “Understanding Men: I Want to Meet Him But We Only Talk or Text

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Thea, This is a time to trust your friends. This guy is not in love and hasn’t taken steps to meet you, so all that, “When we meet face-to-face” stuff is nonsense. He is not sincere so your friends are right. This guy even told you not to trust men on the internet – that includes HIM! If you are looking for love, you might not want to be so vulnerable or have sex by video. I also recommend looking for love locally if you are serious about finding a relationship.

  2. Thea

    Dear Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, he wanted to meet me in person but says he cannot travel because of his work. I have a really hard time trusting. We often have sex on video call. He sometimes give me advice – that I should be careful with guys on the internet. He told me if we meet face to face and once he falls in love with me, we would be in a relationship, but I told my friends about it but they told me that guy is actually lying to me. I am confused now whom I should trust. Should I trust my friends or him??

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Honey – THANK YOU for your strong words of encouragement to MOVE ON! Leave men who do this in the dust and stop settling for the little tidbits they’ll share. You deserve the real thing ladies.

  4. Honey

    I was in a situation with a guy online. He’d never meet, had every excuse possible. Wouldn’t give me his cell number or add me on social media. But would quite happily use me to boost his ego. Eventually I confronted him, asked him what he was hiding (l suspect another woman) he was very defensive and nasty. Then ghosted me. Says it all! Girls, if you are in this situation you are wasting your time, you deserve more, ultimately we get treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. Most of the men that do this are married or in a relationship and just using you, stringing you along for their own benefit. Be strong, block them and move on to better things, you deserve much more

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tamsyn, Yes, your instincts are right! As I say to all women asking about a long distance chatting relationship – why bother? Of course it’s absurd to book a flight last minute. Who wants to pay twice as much? Just his way out of showing up or admitting that he’s wasting your time. You may have a great chat buddy, but this will never be a real life romance. read this for more on long distance relationships.

  6. Tamsyn

    I recently started chatting with a guy I met online who lives hours away in another city. The connection was electric and we spent days talking about every topic under the sun. He promised to book a flight to visit, but as the arrival approached I got concerned as he had not booked a flight or hotel. When I plucked up the courage to confront him, he got defensive and said I was irrational for asking. Apparently he’s always like that when traveling, booking a day or two in advance. I find that hard to believe. With an argument over the matter, all plans have been cancelled. Was I wrong to question his motives and mistrust him? I feel like I am being gas lighted and that he is using my confrontation as an excuse to make this my fault and not his. Are my instincts right? I am starting to doubt myself.

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dj – I agree – he probably does not look like his photos. But he is not your boyfriend if you don’t spend time together in person. No dates = NOT dating. This is a virtual relationship – much like fantasy and a lot of men who do this are married and hiding by talking long distance. Why not get yourself a real boyfriend and stop wasting time texting?

  8. Dj

    Hi I have a boyfriend we met in online we are in 3 months now but we never had a video call since then. We used text/chat as communication. I always ask him to have video call on weekends but never succeeded what does it mean? My instinct tells me that what he sent me pictures was not him. He always says I love you and I miss you but never in action I mean like no surprise call. I don’t know can you just give me advice. I’m confused if it’s worth it or wasting my time.

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lucy, There’s no point in having these long distance texting relationships. Like you said – it’s not real. Look for love locally if you want to find a real relationship. These LDRs things don’t work out.

  10. Lucy

    When I met a man online, i already had plans to spend the summer in his country. I was near him for 3 months and he never asked to see me although he always asked where i was, what i was doing etc. He was on fb and liked every single picture or post. I don’t think he has a gf – it doesn’t seem like on fb. He gave excuses for not meeting – he wanted to talk more, his job schedule, I was far from his part of town, etc. I know he is worried about getting bald. Only with hats or older pictures when he was younger. I thought he was worried about that.

    I returned to my country and he asked me for a picture. I finally told him I don’t want this fake internet thing anymore. I deleted him from my fb and messenger. It felt so real talking to him, but it was all fake I guess. We talked for about 10 months total. I’m so hurt and I feel so stupid. 🙁

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maya, I recommend reading this blog post again. You haven’t even been on a date and you are chasing him by initiating contact. If he wanted to see you, he would ask. So, what’s the confusing part? Move on to find a man who wants to go on dates and spend time with you.

  12. Maya

    I met this guy when I was working and he took my number. We started texting and it’s been 6 weeks. We have had like 3 phone calls but I have always initiated them. I always make hints at meeting up but he either changes topic or just ignores it, so I gave up on asking. It’s inusual because I’ve seen him before but he hasn’t spoken about meeting up… I’m confused, I don’t know what to do now.

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Aliz, Trust your instincts! Cancelling twice in one does make it seem he is not serious about you and has no intention for dating you or no time for love. Either way, that makes him the wrong man for you. Just move on. There are more men out there to meet 🙂

  14. Aliz

    I met this guy in my office…we share the same building. He quit the month before I did. We have been talking for a month now almost daily on phone and had plans to meet up but were cancelled due to my time or his time. But it’s been twice in one week he cancelled the meeting due to his schedule. Last Friday I told him to get free time and then make a plan and until then not to talk to me. He drop texted saying he is sorry. We both stay and work in the same city away from our own families. I thought maybe due to financial crunch he might be hesitant to meet up as he was off work for a month but, I think he is misleading me.

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Daisy, Anyone who won’t answer a question is not trust worthy. Simple as that. If you can’t meet a man in 7-10 days move on to meet others. Forget those long distance men and stick to local guys.

  16. Daisy

    I met this guy on the internet and he claims that he really likes me and that he always thinks about me. But I’ve got severe trust issues because of my past.. I don’t know if I should trust him or not, he also avoids answering the question: ‘how old are you,’ is that something I should worry about? I live in West Europe and he in Canada.. I don’t know what I should do. Hopefully I get a response soon.

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sabrina, I’m going to say this as kindly as possible, but you do not have him to lose. He lives in another country and you have never met him. You THINK you know everything about him but you know what he WANTS you to know. You have a virtual relationship and that is NOT true love. His visa issues are just excuses and down deep I bet you realize this or you wouldn’t have written to me. I bet you read a bunch of articles about this problem. It’s time to let go and look for a local guy – someone who lives in your country. For goodness sakes you are in school where you will never meet more men in your life! Stop wasting time on this illusion of a boyfriend now and please move on. There is absolutely NO HOPE to meet this guy.

  18. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Sad, I’m so sorry you got caught up in this lie with this guy. Patient – how ridiculous – you’ve been FAR TOO patient! Of course you’re sad. A guy who can’t meet you for any reason is a guy not worth meeting. I tell my clients a man has 7 days to set a date, after that MOVE ON! Now you are 8 months in and have to hear from me that he’s scamming you. My bet is he has a woman in his life right now so can’t meet you – that would be “cheating.” But he’s cheating anyway – just emotionally. Dump him, block him and don’t bother saying why because he won’t want to let you go. You are feeding his ego and he repays that by stringing you along. Look for a guy locally if you want a real relationship. This virtual stuff does NOT work out.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *