Understanding Men: I Want to Meet Him But We Only Talk or Text

 

Need help understanding men?

understanding men, texting him, dating coach, online datingAre you texting and talking to him, but wonder why you can’t seem to meet? This is such a common problem, many women have been in this frustrating situation. My dating advice below will help you clear up the mystery of why he’ll text or call, but not meet you in person.

 

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone since January 2014. At first, we planned on several meetings, but they were canceled (due to his work and mine). I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sharing se.xual conversations. He even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I enjoy texting him. I really want to meet him, He says he wants to meet me too, but he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between him and I should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts are not the proper way, since we have good relation and respect on each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.. Thank you so much..

Hoping to Meet Him”

 

Dear Hoping,

You could use a little help with understanding men. I know you want to be nice, but bottom line, you are NOT in a relationship. Truth is, you share a fantasy and he is wasting your time. Don’t think for a moment your smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you hope to meet him someday. Why does he stay when he knows he’ll never meet you? How is this respectful or honest on his part?

One thing I know for sure, if you decide to talk to him about this, he will argue with you and tell you he has good intentions. He will promise to meet you soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in his game.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to start understanding men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you? Here are a few possibilities:

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t really want to physically “cheat”
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a true relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any strings of attachment or expectations on your part
  • He’s not really emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go 0n, but I’m sure you get the idea right? There isn’t one legitimate or rational idea that comes to mind.

If this man wanted to date you, he would done so by now. Seriously, how much more is there to know? He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and fantasy s.ex.

My best dating advice for you is:

1) Think about yourself first, not him.

Think about how much time you have invested and wasted with this man. More than six months! Think about how you have given your heart away to a man who will not meet you. Think about how you are attached to a man you will never kiss or have dinner with. Acknowledge the manipulation! Then stop texting him and talking to him on the phone. You owe him nothing.

Not all men are like this, but understanding men who are like this will keep you from getting into another fantasy relationship again  Good men are definitely out there waiting to meet a woman like you.

2) Get back online to find real men to date.

Once you start dating others, you will soon forget about the man who dared to waste six months of your life or how you allowed that to happen. Once you go on live dates, you’ll see how limited this situation is and how you deserve so much more. You deserve a real relationship, face-to-face, holding hands, dancing together. You deserve to make love in person with a warm, caring, loving man who is relationship ready and not hiding behind technology.

Please let go and free yourself up to find a real love and a healthy relationship. This one is not only a dead end, but a terrible waste of your love and kindness.

 

 

84 responses on “Understanding Men: I Want to Meet Him But We Only Talk or Text

  1. TimMansfieldTx

    That’s me. Feel like I owe him a response and I’ve hinted that i’d like to meet but he just plays games. He forgot what I looked like and repeatedly asks for my pic. Fortunately he’s ugly and overweight and even if we would’ve met I wouldn’t have wanted to be more than friends.

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yeah when a man forgets who you are, that’s a sign he’s not really into you right? Don’t worry, just move on to find better candidates.

  3. Jane

    Excellent advice.
    I just spent $4000 and flew to the other side of the world for 12 days to meet a guy I’ve been talking to online for 1 year.
    He never picked me up at the airport, never spoke to me the whole time I was there and never met me.
    Everyday I would tell him where I was and what I was doing, I booked a hotel room in his neighborhood and gave him the room number, I even offered to come to his house and no response. I can see he read my messages the whole time.
    I feel like such a stupid idiot ?

  4. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jane,

    I”m so sorry this has happened to you. What a heart-breaking and hard experience. While this is not always true, the vast majority (99.9%) of these long distance email/phone/texting relationships are with men who are not free to date. How perfect that you live so far away it requires a huge price tag to meet? He probably hoped that was enough to keep the fantasy alive without risk of having to meet.

    He might be married or not look anything like his picture but either way, he is clearly not an available man. In the future, I recommend you date look local men. While a local guy could stand you up too, at least it won’t cost a plane ticket.

    How did the idea of visiting come up? Did he suggest it or did you? My bet is, and I could be wrong, but you had a big hand in the idea of making the trip. Were you taking the lead and trying to get something going?

    This is the very reason why I recommend you let men lead at the beginning of dating. To see what the guy will do to win you over. Men like the idea of who to date to be theirs so let them make the moves including buying a plane ticket. If a man is serous about you, he’ll do what it takes to meet you and win you over. Don’t do his job for him.

    Please read this post on the ballroom dancing theory of dating which will help you see why it’s best not to chase men.

  5. madeya

    I was thinking the same thing after I read this topic . I was thinking maybe he in a relationship or something but I will no longer waste my time on dead situation…

  6. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Good for you Madeya – don’t waste your time on a no-win situation like this. There are better men out there for sure.

  7. Maria

    I only started exchanging mobile phone number and chatting with a guy 3 weeks ago. We exchanged pictures. Just that one picture of myself and himself. Within 1 week after chatting, he called me. And a week after that, he say “I Like you” and after few days he said “I love you, Do you?” Told me how he fantasize being with me eating dinner and so on. And even say will meet me soon.Well i feel insecure more and more. As i only see his 1 picture and so i request to have a video call. He said he don’t have time for that. And so i tell him about my insecurity as i think is a necessary for me to see him and talk to him by seeing his face. But he get all agitated and defensive. And said “I believe in you and that picture is enough. If you dont believe me then is ok, i guess we have to quit!” And i told him, if you love a girl and she is in insecurity about meeting further, the guy would try to make all possible way to reassured the girl he want. Easily he given up on you, means you are not that important to him. I told myself, if he is meant to be yours, he is definitely will find way to find you even have to cross fire just to get you. Am i right girls?

  8. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria,
    Seriously love? I don’t think so – you are in a fantasy world with this man. He has told you he fantasizes about you. There is nothing real. You have not met him.

    Love grows with time as you get to know someone face-to-face. Stop texting this man and meet some real men in person. Don’t text longer than 10 days without meeting. If a man can’t meet you, drop him and move on. If you seek a real relationship, this is the only way it will ever happen.

    Last but not least, hold off on falling in love until a man proves he is worthy. Look for consistent interest in phone calls and dates over at least 8 – 12 weeks. If you fall in love before this – you are more likely in hot chemistry and attraction vs. love. Take your time and do not get attached to a man until you know him for a while or you will always be heartbroken.

  9. Tia

    oh goodness, yeah hes wasting her time, and she is letting him. we can’t control or guess someone else’s intentions but we sure as hell can move on when they show us they are not serious

    as the late maya angelou said

    ” when people show you who they are, believe them”

    it just sucks there are so many of these peter pans out here , good luck ladies

  10. cindy

    i met a guy online and we clicked instantly. i really like him and we get along fine. first two days was nonstop texting, then he wanted to talk on the phone but i couldnt. He always wants to meet up (first time) very late, like 11pm and i dont feel comfortable with that. should i tell him?? im scared to even meet up in the first place, ive never done this sort of thing, putting myself out there like that.

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cindy, Of course you feel scared about meeting a man at 11pm! That’s a booty call for sure. Dump him and stop texting. Keep in mind good texting means nothing without dates. Don’t get sucked in by that and think you are building to something because it’s not true. He could be texting 10 women. So you need to open up to MEET men in person. Just choose public places and early evening. Tell someone where you are going, meet him for 90-minutes tops and call when you are home safely again. You’ll be fine! Millions of women do this every day.

  12. Ac

    This is absolutely right. Please cut him off because he is playing with you. Same thing happened to me – that’s why I am talking from experience. Just give him a peace of mind tell him if contacts you again you will contact the cops. Simple as that. It’s very hard I know but you have to do this for yourself live

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Thanks AC. Not sure about calling the cops but everything else can work.

  14. Jyoti

    Ma’am I love a guy I met online – its been 8 months. I met him when I needed someone the most. And now it’s like I love him and feel so attached. Although I met him twice in person, he says, “Let’s stay in touch by phone.” We haven’t been physical because he doesn’t want to since I’m already emotional. He is a nice guy but what to do? I know I should leave him but for me it’s not easy.

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Jyoti, Your instincts are good – you should leave. But there’s t he bigger truth about this – you are not really leaving anything. This relationship is mostly in your mind. It’s all about how you feel about him. But 2 dates in 8 months tells me you are having a virtual relationship not a real one. So you are not really leaving true love. He does not love you. In fact, he might be married or in a relationship which is why he doesn’t go on dates with you. The best thing is cut off communication and move on. I realize this is not easy, but that’s the only choice. Otherwise you will not find the honest, satisfying love you want with a man who will share his life with you.

  16. Rose

    It is good to know that we don’t owe these men any thing if we decide to cut them off. I was chatting with a nice man (or so i thought) for 2 months and apparently we live walking distance from each other. He would fantasize about bumping into me at a nearby coffee shop or bookstore. We had not traded photos because according to him, he wants to build anticipation. I had been upfront with him about how I want to meet up just casually. But he insisted on wanting to take his time and I respected that. He had expressed a few times about how much he wanted to meet some time. Twice, I had told him my exact location and he was stuck in a meeting. Finally, I told him where I am grabbing coffee, and told him what I am wearing. I sent the message that I was already there. It doesn’t take a genius to know if someone is spying on me. Turns out my online friend doesn’t look like who he said he was. I left the coffee shop at once. Later, he assured me that it was not him I saw at the coffee shop. He was stuck in a meeting. I told him, I am done chatting because I want a man who also wants me..in person..not hiding behind his laptop or phone. All I care about is that I put myself out there three times and he had the nerve to reject me on all occasions. So I’m moving on ladies!

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rose, Glad you caught on to his nonsense! In the future, don’t respect a man’s wishes to wait. Cut him off right then. He took 2 months of your life – I hope you never allow that to happen again. When a man plays games, that’s a sign he’s not the one. Don’t waste time on some guy who wants to “bump” into you. If he can’t arrange a real date within 7 days of texting at the most, move on. No excuses. Even if he’s going on vacation – he knows when he is coming back so don’t believe that nonsense.

  18. Khloe

    I met this guy online a couple of weeks ago and we’ve been talking ever since. We added eachother on snapchat and snapchatted eachother so I know he’s real. The problem is all we do is text. I asked him why he doesn’t call me and he said, “soon”… which hasn’t happened yet and everytime I schedule for us to meet, it never works out because he flakes on me. I’m considering cutting him off because I feel like I’m wasting my time, but it’s weird because I really like him so I don’t know what to do.

  19. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Khloe, Of course you should cut him off. The truth is you do not really know him. You CANNOT know a man you have never met. It’s pure fantasy which is exactly what he is up to – fantasy. He doesn’t want to meet you or he would have called and set up a date. This is called stringing you along. Chances are he’s married or in a relationship so he can’t meet you. Or it’s just an ego boost for an emotionally unavailable man. Time to move on. Don’t get sucked in again by this kind of nonsense. No date? No texting, snapchat, etc.

  20. Carmen

    … I found it so hard reading these but at the same time so comforting. I have been in sheer turmoil over this guy I met online. 6 months I have given this ghost! I could not possibly tell you how long he has lead me on and cancelled on me with major excuses then flipping the blame on to me! I have been sitting waiting on him to show and he would go silent or give some excuse and then get angry at me for being upset? Yeh because that is how you act when you are the one letting someone down ! CRAZY… He would sent 3 gifts to my home in preparation to meet me to make the fantasy real probably. Had this really dramatic reason to why he had no family but aunties. No real friends were tagged on fb and when i contacted them no one knew him personally. The only thing i know is true is what he looks like. Snapchat and constant pics of his family with videos.

    Never facetimed and just beyond shady but enough truth to keep me.

    I have researched the word passive- aggresive and sociopath. Serious similarities. I just will be single forever. Too scary out there.

  21. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carmen, Well I’m so glad you smartened up about this guy – he must be married to be hiding like that. But the answer is not to stay single. The answer is to get smarter about dating! You could learn so much from my book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong. It’s only 43.99 – I made the price low so any woman could read it and catch on to the behaviors showing you a man is not relationship material. Instead of swearing off dating, vow to smarten up! Good men are out there – just don’t give more than 7 DAYS to a man to text etc without meeting him. No date? Move on. No 2nd date in a week? Move on there too. Then you wouldn’t waste time on men like this who have no intention of dating you or building a real relationship. You can do it!

  22. Carmen

    You are right. But he couldnt even have the excuse of another woman because he literally was on the phone non stop even made me keep it on when sleeping so we could sleep together… even texted constant. I just cannot work it out

    xx

  23. michelle

    i hope you can help me, ive chatting to this guy for 5 wks now on line, i dont know where i stand with him, he says he likes me and wants to meet me. yet nothing happens, he doesnt call me and he takes ages to message me am i wasting my time

  24. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Michelle, I”ll make this really simple for you so you can figure this out next time on your own. If nothing is happening and you are not going on dates, then you stand no where with this man. Stop communicating and go find new men who will meet you within 7 days. Even that is a long time to text without meeting so don’t make exceptions unless someone is going on vacation. I encourage you to get my book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by spotting Mr. Wrong which will radically simplify understanding men for you.

  25. Anya

    Hi Ronnie, thank you so much for making this topic. It’s only been less than 2 months that I got off a 6 months relationship full of lies and deceit. I can’t believe I let myself be treated this way.

    Now I’m chatting with someone on messenger who is at the same situation as me, less than 2 months since he split with his live-in partner. He was an emotional wreck when he first messaged me because of what happened to him, since there was a baby girl involved.

    To make it short, I feel this guy has only been feeding me fantasies and all just to keep me as his emotional support. Before, he was dying to meet me and I wasn’t ready. But now that I wanted to see him, he wouldn’t and makes excuses. He already cancelled on me twice because he’s hanging out with friends and or has a basketball game.

    Words are just words. If he really was interested in me, he would have already met with me since the first time I invited him. And to think he’s just 10 minutes away. Sigh! And he even wants me to stop dating other guys.
    I should just disappear right? I feel like a bunny and he’s been dangling that carrot in front of me which is far enough for me to reach. He’s all talk.

  26. Renee

    ok i met this on fb he stay 13 hrs away text me everyday always sweet. Our chemistry is so strong we the same thing in common. He said that he will come see me dec but only thing is that he call only three time and we been chatting for i two months. Im starting to like him a lot but i just let it go becausr of long distance.

  27. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Renee, If you have never met this man face to face in person, you really have no idea bout the chemistry. Why are you getting your heart all involved with a man who is so far away? Follow your instincts and let him go – then look for local guys. Most of the long distance guys who facebook or even on Match.com just want to text and waste your time.

  28. Kriya

    Hello Ronnie,
    I had never experienced dating app and so once (only a week before) I installed for experience, thinking if I found someone genuine then I might stick with him. Though, I have already uninstalled it but before that I did exchanged my number with a guy whom I found interesting and he was also making efforts. He was flirting a lot and I found his pace about knowing everything about me little fast. I answered him but i have also told him that I appreciate going little slow. He still flirts but yes I can see that he has kept my advice in his mind. Though, he thinks that I friendzoned him but i do like talking to him and I have told him this. He calls me always atleast once and I have started liking him.he sent his pictures and even did I (thrice) but now I have told him that no more of pictures and he comments that’you love me to not send one’ and I answered back that I Will not and he shouldn’t take me for granted. My question is that I am not understanding how to know what he actually wants and if really interested in me because I feel that I am falling for him. But i want to keep my emotions under control as I been into complicated relation earlier. He is not a local guy but he suggests that we should meet and I have accepted. Do you think I should take this forward and if he sounds interested or is just playing with me!?
    Thanks

  29. Angela

    I have been talking to guy I met online for about a month. We had an instant connection similar interests. We were talking in the chat room for 7 days then we exchanged email addresses and we’ve been communicating that way. I asked him to call me and give him my phone number he said that he has a Sprint phone and he lives in a remote area of Florida and doesn’t have very good reception. That should have been the first red flag I know. On day 10 of us communicating his father had a heart attack and he had to drive several hours to be with him his dad and he died two weeks later. We stayed in contact emailing about every 3 to 4 days he was very sweet and apologetic. Towards the end of the two weeks I noticed that his emails had become difficult to read because he said he had been taking some sleeping pills and alcohol because he was having trouble sleeping and was depressed. Now he tells me he’s going to Greece to stay with his uncle for a while and he doesn’t know when he’s getting back and if he will have access to Internet. I feel like I wasted a month of my time with this guy. I didn’t want to be rude and force him to call me when he was grieving his father. I feel like such a fool that we never even talked on the phone but I had created such a fantasy in my head about what could possibly be a real relationship.

  30. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kriya, There is no point in texting, calling or sending photos if there are no dates. Since you didn’t mention getting together with him, I’m assuming you haven’t met him face-to-face. When a man pushes for personal details or nude photos, he’s not serious about you – he’s just getting his kicks. So he is probably playing with you and I advise you stop communicating with him.

  31. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anya,
    Well at least you are catching on faster but this kind of man. Sadly women of all ages trade emotional support in the hopes of love. My bet is you don’t want to go through this a 3rd time right? So here’s what you do. Dump this guy and block him. Then in the future when you connect with men, if they don’t meet you within 7 days, stop communicating. You can suggest meeting to see if there is any chemistry before you stop communicating but any excuses to put off meeting are a signal of another time-wasting man. Follow this dating advice and you’ll stop getting into these unfortunate and disappointing situations for sure.

  32. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Angela,
    Don’t be too hard on yourself! No one said dating was easy. At least you caught on and my hope for you is that you won’t do this again. If a man can’t meet you within 7 days (10 at the most) stop communicating. I don’t care what the excuses is from death in the family to business travel and vacation. These men are showing you they are not truly interested or available which is why the reasons do not matter. Reading blogs like this help you smarten up about dating so good for you for being willing to learn. You might want to read my newest book Is He the One? which can help you tell if a guy is wasting your time in just three dates.

  33. Michelle kelly

    I was supposed to meet this guy today messages him asking if we were meeting today. All I got was later ok . Since them nothing I’m confused

  34. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Michelle,
    Sorry to tell you this. Chances are he is going to blow you off today. Otherwise he would have given you a time and place. I recommend you read this post about how to avoid vague dates and why men leave things vague. When a man is serous about getting to know you, he isn’t vague or hard to pin down.

  35. HederaHelix

    Oh my. I think i.m in … i met a guy via datingsite/app. After checking to see if he.s real (he was the guy he said he was.photos matched with other profiles like fb etc. And his workplace info checked out.) I added him on skype. We chat. He is the guy on photo…so okay.
    But we’ve been over a week chatting now and nothing more. I told him on day 2 I was open for a meet for coffee. He wants to wait. Doesn’t even want to exchange phone numbers, just skype and videochat.
    Dump him? This is new. Got divorced last year after 15 years of marriage. My first steps in online dating land. And I did good to start off with deleting scammers by doing reverse image search and all only to be stuck with someone who is not willing to meet. He hints at it and tells me he really wants to but is afraid…. ? hmm..

  36. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Hedera,
    Yes dump him! If it’s only been a week, I would hardly call you “stuck with him”. I recommend no skyping or long phone calls until you meet. If he wants to wait, let him wait with someone else – this is nonsense as you suspect. He certainly is showing you that he’s not relationship material.

    Since you are out of a 15 year marriage, I recommend you learn about qualifying your dates. One of the best ways is not to focus on one man but keep all options open until one of them shows consistent interest (weekly dates and calls) over several weeks. And don’t stop meeting men until you agree to exclusivity with one man.

    You’ll discover you need more than a man’s interest to find a good match. Here is a new post about how to qualify the men you date so you are more likely to choose a guy who is relationship ready.

  37. maira

    I am in a relation he still don’t have time to meet me… I have to call him 10 times then he receives my call 11th time… n only 1 min of conversation is possible n he disconnects my phone… when I go to his work place to meet him he sees n leaves from there… he never wait there and talk to me… what should I do??

  38. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maira,

    I know you seem confused about this but if you step back and look at things objectively, you can clearly see this man has no interest in you. You are chasing him down. Why do you want a man who will only take your 11th call? You are not in a relationship with him except, and I’m sorry to say this, with in your own mind. Please stop contacting him. Then go out to meet other men and let them pursue you – that works much better.

  39. B

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve been talking to this guy for nearly 6 months. He lives in another country but I know he’s real because I’m basically fbi. He tells me he likes me, he tells me he’d love to meet me and be with me but he never comes (he lives only 2 hours away by plane).He makes up excuses as to why he can’t come like he has commitments or “it’s not that easy” but tells me he’ll come soon.

    I’ve confronted him about this various times and he still tells me he intends to meet me. I don’t know what to do. If it’s because of his body he’s showed me pictures and I’m definitely ok with it. I don’t think he has a girlfriend because I’ve talked to him nearly everyday including when he’s in bed. What should I do?

  40. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi B,
    I bet your FBI training included how to spot a liar. He can’t see you because he’s in a relationship of some kind. His comment, “It’s not that easy” is a big give away. So he gives you excuses. Now this is the part that might be difficult for you. What should you do about a man who makes excuses about meeting you? STOP TALKING TO HIM. HE IS WASTING YOUR TIME.

    If you’ve not met him in 6 months, the truth is you are living a fantasy. And it’s becoming unfulfilling because you want more. So the best dating advice I can give you is to move on and look for a man who lives in your area. Many singles get stuck in these virtual relationships and develop strong feelings. But without real dates, there is nothing there. The sooner you admit this to yourself and let go, the faster you can find real love with a man who doesn’t make excuses about meeting you or spending time together.

  41. Enlightened

    This has been so beautifully enlightening for me….to the point of complete humor. But only because I find it so intriguing that some men spend so much of their energy and time wasting other’s energy and time… I feel so lucky to have been targeted by one of these scoundrels, yet smart enough to go on a google search to determine why a seemingly perfect connection never progressed beyond email. Now I will use this new revelation to help other victims! The psychology of “wooing” is a real thing. No one – no matter how intelligent – is immune, up until you have learned the lesson!

  42. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Enlightened, Good for you for doing the research and catching on! Now that you know some men waste your time and have no plans to meet you, you will never get caught up again like that. It’s very empowering. Wishing you love!

  43. Cathy

    I met this guy online but not on a dating site, actually it’s very coincidental and he lives very far away(long plane rides) He told me he likes me but he told me that we have to be realistic in our situation. We just met few days but told me immediately this ain’t going anywhere because we can’t see each other,(I think he has no plans to do so on the first place but I can’t tell we just met few days) he told me to just get along and remain chatting and go with the flow.We made video calls and I’m pretty convinced he’s not committed yet. But I decided to stop this immediately because I know it would hurt me so much in the long run though we enjoy each other.I explained it to him and he understood and agreed and he said we wasn’t expecting that this would come right away.Did I made a right decision?

  44. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cathy,
    Yes you made the right decision. Why spend any time with a man who tells you “This isn’t going anywhere”? When a man says that, always take him for his word and move on. That’s when he’s telling the truth for sure. Best way to avoid heartbreak and disappointment.

  45. Ashley

    I started talking to this guy because he thought I was cute and a mutual friend was determined to set us up. It’s been almost a month and I have tried to meet him multiple times when he comes to hang out with his friends. I have cleared my schedule many times to adapt to his. Every time I ask him to hang out he says not yet because he wants to talk more. My friend told me he is insecure about his looks and doesn’t want to leave me with a bad first impression. I want to tell him that looks don’t matter to me and that its not like i haven’t seen his picture, but I’m not supposed to know he’s insecure. I really want to meet him because he is such a nice guy over text but I also know he can be kind of awkward when he is with a girl in person. I know that I can help him break that habit but I don’t know what to do.

  46. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ashley,
    I don’t believe he’s hanging back because he’s shy. You are a sure thing since your friend is trying to fix you up. So this is some other kind of resistance – like maybe he loves that you keep after him. It’s fun to be wanted. So, the best thing you can do is stop pushing. Stop chasing. Stop texting. A man needs to want to meet you so don’t even try to convince him.

    Last but not least – never date a man because you can help him. When the man you date is a project, he’s never going to be the right man for you. What you want to help him get over will end up driving a wedge between you.

    Ashley – you deserve a guy who is already confident and a man who knows he wants to get to know you. This guy might be sweet, but he has nothing to offer if he can’t even find time to meet you. Dump your wishes for him and move on to find a man who is relationship ready. This guy is not the one.

  47. Valerie

    Hi. I met a guy online and we both live several States apart. However, we have never actually talked on the phone. Its only been by texting each other for three weeks now. When tell him to call it never happens. He made plans to meet me, it never happened. We’ve sent each others pics many. In some of his pics he looks a but different. He tells me all these sweet things through texting. He claims that he had to leave for in the UK and had to get another SIM card. Really! But when I looked up the second phone number it’s registered in the of NJ. What’s up with that. Thirdly, his name Iam not sure it’s real.

  48. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Valerie,
    Why are you bothering with this man? You can see he is playing you. The moment you start to not trust a man, move on. Who needs a liar? I urge you to not text guys long distance. It’s just a waste of your time. Look for local guys to date and meet them within 7-10 days of first communication. Otherwise they are probably just these texting guys who will waste your time if you let them.

  49. Jackie

    Hello, I started talking to my ex-husbands ex-friend last year in October. We’ve never gotten together just texting. Our conversations are really good, interesting and even juicy sometimes. He likes to “who would have thought” that means him and I as phone buddies. He texts me everyday and all of a sudden last week he didn’t. Well, I texted him Tuesday night and said “hey”. He didn’t respond back until the next night. He said “Hey, wru up to”? I responded an hour later with ” Hey, nothing . You?”. He responded with not much 22 minutes later. Well, I didn’t respond. We had made plans to meet the weekend but, that didn’t happen. All of a sudden this dude texts me today with “WRU up to” I didn’t respond. He text me again after 3 hours saying “Hello”. Is he crazy? Is it a game? Tell me.

  50. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jackie, I don’t understand his recent antics of “what’s up” but I can tell you this is not a real relationship. It’s a virtual one with minimal effort on his part. I know this might be hard but if you don’t see a man for real dates, you are not in a real relationship. So you may be friends and support each other and possibly even have virtual sex, but I’m so sorry to tell you that is not a full-fledged, healthy relationship grounded in reality.

    So I guess the answer to your question is – yes it’s a game. Get out now while you can. You can confront him gently if you want, saying that if he wants to continue this, you need face-to-face dates. If he doesn’t accommodate that with in 2 weeks, then move on and stop letting him take up space in your heart and waste your time.

  51. Just a Girl

    I recently met a guy online, we clicked immediately and so, we’ve been texting each other for a week now. Recently, I stopped replying to him because I end up not doing any work all day. Overall, I like his personality but since I’ve never met him before and as we’ve been conversing for only a week, I don’t know if I should trust him. He keeps asking for my pictures- first my face and after that my full body (with clothes on) because he said he wanted to see my height. He barely sent me any pictures of himself (just 3) because he said he looked ugly in them (which wouldn’t have mattered to me anyway). When I told him that I wanted us to meet someday, he said there was no chance of us ever meeting (maybe because of financial problems)? I dont know his real reason. He’s never had a girlfriend before and he insists on maintaining a long distance relationship with me. I also hate the fact that I’ve become emotionally attached to him. I feel so bad and lonely for not replying to him anymore.

  52. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Just a Girl,
    I’d bet my last dollar he’s married – that’s why you’ll never meet and you have a long distance virtual texting relationship. He can’t give more than that. And now about you- you cannot let yourself fall in love with a texting fantasy. You’ve never met him or seen his picture! He could be unattractive or nothing like he claims. It’s time for you to stop texting and start meeting men. Don’t waste time texting men all day. Text a few times over a few days then talk on the phone and try to meet. Otherwise move on. It’s time to value yourself more and realize you deserve the real thing! Please read this post about texting

  53. Steph

    Dear Ronnie,

    Needed to read this for sure as I have been dealing with a very similar situation for the past 2 months. I’ve since blocked his # and refuse to allow someone “act” like they care when in all actuality they are just stringing me along, after 3 stand ups.

    –moving on

  54. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Congratulations Steph! That’s what it looks like when a woman values herself. You rock. The better your boundaries, the less B.S. and the better quality men you’ll attract.

  55. Ella

    Amazing how many women go through this, although perhaps not for as long as me! 2 years. Yes, 2 years. But in saying that, I was looking for friendship more than a relationship as I am a bit of a committment-phobe myself. Turned out the stranger who contacted me online ran in similar circles, so I thought he would be upfront and genuine given some of his friends are my friends. We live a few hours apart, and arranged to meet. He backed out. That was a giant red flag which I saw, but for some reason I thought that’s ok, we are just pals anyway. Well I fell for this muppet and he’s given me nothing but the run around. I have tried to escape his texting clutches many times but I miss the conversation (I am lonely after all). I finally decided last week enough was enough, too bad if we know the same people I’m over it. Even friends SEE each other and hang out. He is still messaging, asking why I won’t talk to him any more. I haven’t responded. I don’t feel bad about it anymore. He may get upset and start to badmouth me to our mutual friends but I really do not care anymore. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

  56. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Alright Ella! Good for you for smartening up and setting up boundaries! You deserve better for sure.

  57. K

    I meet this guy on a dating app 7 months ago who lives almost two hours away from me. At first all we did was text constantly for three months,never spoke on the phone. We have so much in common it’s almost like talking with someone I’ve know for years. I’ve never been able to really be myself when talking with a guy before until him. Flashforward three months and I went to visit a friend who lives thirty minutes from him. He makes an excuse that he’s with his friends and then I called him out on it and stopped texting and snapping him. He apologized and said I had every right to feel as if I was wasting my time and said he’d come see me.never did. After that we’ve just been snap chatting and just last month I said that it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna go anywhere even though I really want it to and he said that he wants it to but I’m going off to grad school in a year and he’s has a lot going on with work and his school that he doesn’t know what to do and tells me that he wishes I was closer to him because things would be different. He doesn’t like the distance. For me an hour and forty minutes doesn’t seem that bad…Help am I just wasting my time? I feel like I should stop talking to him, but he just genuinely seems like an amazing guy

  58. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey K,
    Leaving a question on this post makes me think you READ the post. So you already know texting a man for 3 months is a waste of time. He is not an amazing guy – he’s an amazing time-waster and bull sh*tter. Being busy is nothing but an excuse not to see you. A man who is genuinely interested FINDS A WAY! When you were within 30-minutes of him, he didn’t want to meet you. You can to face the truth – he DOESN’T WANT TO MEET YOU. I know that stinks but that is what his behavior shows you.

    I want you to guard your heart and smarten up about men so you can see through this stuff. Nice texts are MEANINGLESS with out seeing you on weekly dates. In the future – don’t text a guy for months. After 7 days, and no date, ask if a man wants to meet. If he doesn’t respond or makes excuses, STOP TEXTING HIM. When you value yourself as a woman, you won’t hang on for months or even weeks for men who never get behind their words and take action. At the start of getting to know a new man, LIVE DATES are the only thing that count

  59. XxS

    I met this guy from a dating site 2 months ago. We facetime everyday since then. He’s 60 from the germany im 50 from thailand. He told me he’d visit July(this month) but had hypertension issues 2 weeks ago. He seems well now but doesnt mention about the visit anymore. I didnt ask him about it either and just waiting for him to tell me if he’s still coming to visit or not. What should i do?

  60. Theresa

    Hello Ronnie! I wish I read this article sooner! I met a guy on a dating site and we emailed, texted, then went to viber. I wasn’t ready to meet and prefer getting to know someone thru messaging since I’m new to dating (was married 22yrs). I had no idea about the scammers. But I never felt a connection like this – it was like a major magnet. There were red flags so I did the research. Name came up nothing, no FB profile, no reverse image match. After a month I said I have to meet you. He was all for it and we set a date. He lives near my son so I went to him. We set a date. We talked on the phone on my way there! Then 3 minutes before I arrived, I got a message from his friend saying there was an accident. Long story short we never met. He still texts saying he’s hurt and needs money etc. I was beyond devastated and I told him off. Here’s my issue. Obviously he’s an imposter, so who is the guy in the picture? He needs to know his identity is in jeopardy. I’m crazy for obsessing I know but it doesn’t hurt too ask. Thank you!

  61. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Theresa,
    I’m not worried about the guy in the picture and for all we know that is your scammer’s photo. Obsessing on that could be misplaced energy for your romantic angst. Luckily you had the instinct to research him but then, you wanted to meet him anyway! Let’s talk about what you can do to AVOID future scammers. This is the PERFECT EXAMPLE of why I advise women NOT TO MESSAGE for weeks before meeting – you risk getting attached!

    With future men, meet within 7 days or stop texting etc. so you don’t get all dreamy in your mind about who a man really is. Any man who can’t meet you within that time is putting off the meeting. His schedule is too busy to date, he’s dating too many women or he doesn’t want to meet anyone. Occasionally someone has a vacation or business trip – but often this is an excuse. When things don’t add up and you see red flags – GET OUT and BLOCK THE GUY! It’s time for you to smarten up a bit about modern dating – did you download my free book?

  62. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi, Honestly I want you to know he’s not coming to visit. These long distance romances over the phone or texting are pure fantasy 99.999% of the time. There’s always some excuse why he can’t come to visit. (Women do this to men too) Please look for love in Thailand – it’s so much easier to go local so you can build a relationship naturally with dates in person over time. Mr. Germany will break your heart if you let this continue.

  63. Lulu

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been talking to this guy I met on a dating site. He approached me & we had great chemistry so I suggested exchanging phone numbers. He agreed and texted me everyday for 2 weeks. He was never disrespectful or talked about sex. But, our 1st phone conversation I asked him what we have going on & he said he didn’t know. He asked if I like him & do I want to touch him. Then I asked is this all about sex & he said no. Then he sent me private parts pics. He texted me the sweetest things, but during phone calls he would imply he was getting a headache or frustrated when I would ask to meet. After our last phone conversation he didn’t text me the next day. I messaged him later and called – no response. I text that he doesn’t seem to want to be bothered so I will leave him alone. Then he responded right away saying he was busy. I didn’t respond & erased his number. I assume he has lost interest since I keep asking to meet.

  64. FilipinaPrincess

    Hi Ronnie. I met this guy from a dating site. He is from Portugal. I am from Philippines. We started to communicate via Whatsapp. We are exchanging photos and videos of us but he does not want to videocall because he said that English is not his native language. He is not too fluent. Which I understand. It came to the point that we are like boyfriend/girlfriend. We communicate 24/7. I asked him if he could come see me here at Philippines. He said he wants too and maybe next year. He has a 10-day vacation to Japan next month with a guy friend claims it’s not booked yet. I’m wondering if he is really interested, why shouldn’t he come here instead? We continued 4 more months. I even asked him what we are and he usually says we aren’t a couple yet but someday we will be. I almost had given up and it’s hard to invest time and emotion to that. But he always says he doesn’t want to lose me. Until we had a little argument. I was really hurt and told him. He said sorry . I did not gave a reply back. I thought he would message me the next day but he never did. He does not care. That made me realize no matter how sweet and romantic his words were, he was not serious about me. Because if he was, he would patch up things. Another lesson learned. 🙂

  65. linda g

    Hi I have been chatting to a guy just before last xmas he seems keen and liked my pics ,but always back off when meeting , we are both 60 ,he talks about sex and the lack of it and said he wanted a meaningful relationship we finally arranged to meet ,he seem to be very keen, then cancelled.

  66. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Linda,
    I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but he’s totally stringing you along. Stop communicating with this man who is wasting your time and playing with your emotions. It’s been FAR TOO LONG and you will never meet him. There are better men so meet more and don’t text or call for longer than 2 weeks and please meet someone local. The long distance guys are the worst for leading you on.

  67. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lulu,
    Sorry this is happening to you. Here’s what’s really going on – a man who just wants sex won’t answer you honestly. Of course he wants sex. He was only nice to get you on the phone and then went right to sex hoping you’d play along. This is a great way to cheat without really cheating. He doesn’t want to meet you – then he’d be cheating! Once a man asks about sex but doesn’t want to meet, don’t hang in there hoping things will change. He showed you he was a scoundrel but you kept after him hoping he’d be the nice guy of his texts. I hope you won’t go through this again. If a man won’t meet you within 7-10 days, stop texting or talking on the phone and move on.

  68. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi FP, So many women get stuck in these long-distance relationships that consumer them emotionally with men they never meet so you are not alone in this. But what I want to help you understand is bigger than patching up an argument. If he could fly to Japan from Portugal he could fly to see you. His not doing that let’s you know right away he was not serious. I hope you will not bother with these long-distance men who want a virtual but not a real relationship again. Please do not waste your time. Date local men if you want a real in-person relationship.

  69. Jennie

    Hi Ronnie,
    So I met this super quiet-shy guy in a conference for 3 days and he showed he’s interested by smiling a lot, helping me and approaching me while there’s only the two of us. He didn’t even approached any guys to make friends so I guess he’s into me. I initiated first text and he replied well. We had good conversation and sometimes he texted me first as well. I dislike texting so much but there’s no other ways to stay in touch as we are not living in the same country and you know, different time zones makes things hard. When I asked to meet up, he responded but didn’t want to suggest any plans and even avoided the topic. I know that he is so quiet in a person and doesn’t have any experience with women but I don’t want to be fooled in a relationship without physical presence. He once told me to take it slowly. Do you have any advice to me? Am i in a wicked game or just overthinking?

  70. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jennie, First when a man says “Let’s take things slowly,” that means he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s setting you up not to expect too much. Second, since you brought up getting together and he avoided the subject – that’s another huge sign he’s NOT interested. So yes, are you being played. So many women entertain the romantic idea of long distance relationships that are out of the country, not just a few hours drive . I’ll tell you what I tell them all – this is a fun fantasy. Please, look for a local man you can go on a simple date with to make your life easier. You had fun with this man at the conference so let it be a nice memory, block him and move on to find a man who wants a relationship and is available to see you at least weekly. Wishing you love!

  71. wanderwoman

    hi ronnie.

    i am chatting with a guy and we already met. he flew all the way from Canada to Lisbon and he sponsored my ticket too. One thing i notice though after we met the interest that he has shown initially is not the same level anymore. he shows less interest and I was giving an excuse that he might be busy with work. I know myself and I like him but I can’t understand how he let the day passes without messaging me. Am I just being paranoid or I just don’t really understand men in general? I feel that if I matter, he could have extracted a little bit of time for me. All I need to hear from him is a closure for this because somewhere I feel I need that. But what if he is just really busy and messaging him will blow this away…i don’t know….

  72. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Wanderwoman,
    Your question was a good one so I answered it on the blog. But I forgot to address the part about closure. Closure is extremely rare – most men will not supply closure because they don’t like confrontation. But think about it this way – since he’s unresponsive – that TELLS you everything you need to know. He’s not interested and that’s all the closure you need. Looking at it this way it becomes perfectly clear – his intentions are not long-term. Why continue to contact a man who doesn’t respond? His lack of contact let’s you know it’s time to move on. There’s your closure.

  73. TTO9

    Hi Ronnie,
    A woman contacted me online in July (I’m female also), and we’ve had incredible conversations. She revealed that her last relationship was short but intense with a woman who was emotional and controlling. For the first month, every single I brought up meeting, she would disappear, not text for days (the longest being 9 days). We had shared some pretty graphic and intimate fantasies about each other, and a month in, she said she felt things got really intense & we hadn’t even met yet. She said she nervous. I gave her some space. We talked again a week later, agreeing to stop sexting (very minimal), and continue to get to know each other before meeting. But, I’m getting anxious about meeting her. I understand that she’s shy and reserved, but she confuses me. She seems to be surrounded by “drama” with friends/family, and she doesn’t talk about it, she disappears. I don’t know what “this” thing between us is to her, though she has said she wants to see where this goes and wants to make sure we have a real connection, yet her actions often prove the opposite. I have no doubt she’s who she says she is…she’s a professional with a substantial web presence. But, she’s so busy and aloof at times. Other times, we’ll talk about deep things for 4 hours. I’m just not sure if I fit into her life.

  74. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi TT09, People (male and female) keep their distance for a reason. She might prefer the fantasy of a relationship. Or she might not be emotionally available. Or she might be in a relationship already. People who are serious about a relationship don’t avoid you. They want to meet and spend time with you. Talking for hours is easy. Seeing you face-to-face is when things get real. Her inconsistency tells you something very important – she’s not ready or not being real as you think. You cannot get to know the real person over the phone and via texting. This post about inconsistency in dating will give you more insights.I also recommend staying away from the drama and find someone who is ready to met you.

  75. Nn

    Hi Ronni,
    Me and the boy met on matrimonial site … When we were about to meet with his parents his father met with an accident after all this we again planed to meet with his mother after 2 mths. But he did ‘t came I was waiting for him at the place decided by him and time too but he and his mother didn’t came … His phone was going switched off and his father’s phone was going out of reach….. Everything was going good till the morning…. We were about to meet for the first time and this happened…. Should I wait for him or he is a wrong person…. Please suggest…..

  76. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Sorry to say this Nn, but he’s probably lying to you. Combine the excuse of this father’s accident with him not showing up or answering the phone of the second appointment and that points to him avoiding you. He’s probably not who he says he is. Unfortunately just because he’s on a matrimonial site doesn’t mean he really wants to get married. Don’t wait for him -he’s not coming to meet you.

  77. Cathy

    Same here! I met this med student on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for 3 months through snapchat, instagram, facebook, and text. We have so much in common and he’s really nice. I know he’s busy with med school, so I was okay with it. He asked me a few times what my plans for the weekend. He had activities in mind and got me really excited. Should I stop communicating with him? Or give it another chance? I don’t want to be super attached because it will break my heart if this goes nowhere.

  78. Lily

    Hi Ronni,
    I’ve been texting a guy for over a month now. He is my senior in college. We’ve met ( not a “proper date”), once or twice in college (he called me up to meet). He is a little introverted and shy. He confessed that he likes me but he isn’t ready for a relationship yet. But he expressed that he wants to go out on a date with me. We planned to meet many times but it never worked out. When I asked him directly about the date he told me that he wants to meet me but not so soon. He said, I’ll definitely take you out on a date, but give me some time. I feel that he really likes me but is afraid of commitment. Or is he simply fooling around with me? Should I wait and give it some time? Or should I stop texting him? I’m so confused! What should I do?

  79. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lily,
    He told you he’s not ready – that’s the answer. The best thing you can do is move on because he’s clearly not ready to date. When a man tells you something to push you away like “I’m not ready” or “I don’t want anything serious” he’s always telling the truth.

  80. Tammy

    Talking to someone for 10 months. Wouldn’t meet when I asked after 4-5 months. He promised and gave a specific month, then when the time came, he gave excuses. Can tell he has a mental disability. I’m absolutely wasting time. He just does this with other women too.

  81. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    So Tammy – what are you waiting for? MOVE ON and stop wasting time on this guy. If you want to find love, he’s not the one. No more than 7 days of texting and if you don’t meet, stop communicating.

  82. Kara

    I have been texting with this guy for 2 months now, we text everyday but have only seen each other 3 times. I don’t understand why he want to text everyday and not meet in person! I have been gosthing him the last 3 days, Im just mad he doesn’t step it up and make an effort to meet.

  83. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kara, As mentioned in the post where you left this question, men text for many reasons. Ego, lonely, bored, casual dating, etc. Why he doesn’t text you is not what is important. What IS important is that he’s not that into you as demonstrated by his lack of contact and only asking you out 3 times in 2 months. It’s your job to recognize he’s not into you or not into having a relationship and to move on. You’ll never know exactly why and honestly trying to figure that out is just a waste of your time. Instead, focus on what you want – a man who wants to text AND SEE YOU ON DATES> So go meet more guys until you find one who wants the same thing you want.

    Dating is a sorting process. If a guy doesn’t live up to your expectations (and your expectations are realistic like weekly dates to start and ramping up to more frequent dates maybe 2-3 times per week). Any man who doesn’t do this is letting you know HE’S THE WRONG MAN FOR YOU. You can’t change who a man is but you can move on. Once you catch on to this dating strategy you’ll be less frustrated and start dating better men! I suggest you read this post about when to stop texting.

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