Are you dating over 50? You may struggle to find time to date. Molly’s question shows that it take two people who have time to connect. Find out why this man is NOT the right guy for her.
“Hi Ronnie the Dating Coach for Women Over 40,
I met this guy at a party who is a busy lawyer. We went on one date and got along really well. After the date he texted me multiple times but I didn’t reply until late the next day. We chatted for a bit. But he didn’t text to arrange another date until a week after. In that week he texted saying he had a really good time with me and really wants to see me again. I wasn’t free on the days he wanted to meet so I suggested a day.
On the day of our date he had to cancel at short notice saying he was working. It appears he works 7 days a week. He was very apologetic and ‘promised we will meet again soon’. About a week later he texted to meet again, but I wasn’t free then either. So we arranged a date according to my schedule. Again on the day he was very apologetic but had to cancel due to work.
I had had enough by then so did not reply. He then texted again the next day saying he was really sorry but he gets called in at the last minute depending on his cases. If he hadn’t texted the next day still apologizing, I would have concluded he is playing me.
I finally replied saying it’s fine but that I wasn’t happy about cancelling twice. He said he knows it looks bad, etc. Now its been a week and I haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t arranged a date. What the heck is going on? I never chase guys so I don’t think I have made myself too easy. In fact if anything I allow the guy to chase me and I hardly text. So whats going on? I know he is he is a busy lawyer, but still?
Thanks for your insight,
I see two things going on here which is why you may be confused.
First, you have encountered a man who has his priorities well defined. They are 1. work 2. work 3. work 4. maybe dating. So that’s what is going on with him. I doubt he means to treat you poorly, but work comes first, and probably second and third too. You don’t need to know more than that to know he’s the wrong guy for you.
I know it’s really hard when men contact you at the last minute for a date. That’s why when a man plans ahead, it’s such a blessing. However, many don’t. Now, I’m not saying you should rearrange your calendar to see him either. That is not a wise move and can send the wrong signal that you are too available or too eager. Clearly you didn’t do that.
I am curious what is going on in your life that keeps you so busy too? Perhaps you have children or a demanding job? When you are dating over 50 (or at any age) I would challenge you to make sure you do leave a little time open in your schedule if you want to meet men and date.
The saying goes that “nature abhors a vacuum”, so when you leave a few spots open, you create a space for something to show up and fill this time in. Even if you just leave time free for something spontaneous once in a while rather than cram your schedule full. I realize this is not always possible, just think about it.
Overall, in this situation, my advice as a dating coach is to not respond to any future contact and let him go. There has got to be a better guy than this for you. Just remember, Mr. Busy Lawyer is proof positive that men do find you attractive. That is an important factor to build confidence when dating over 50 to keep in mind. Go out and meet a few more to find one who wants love in his life and can manage more balance between work and the rest of his life.
Wishing you love,