Are soulmates for real and should you spend time looking for one?
Finding a soulmate comes up frequently in my work as a dating coach. For those who seek this type of partner, they have some very strong ideas about what this means.
What is a soulmate?
There are a number of qualities that fall into this description. Usually it’s someone who:
- Seems like you’ve known him forever
- You click almost immediately
- Makes you feel ecstatic, alive and/or blissful every time you see him
- Feels like your other half
- Gets you right away
- Brings up intense feelings quickly
- You feel united with and the feelings are mutual
- Feels like your destiny
- You just know is “the one”
- Feels like its meant to be
Have you ever felt like this before? Did you think you found him and then things feel apart?
Seeking your soulmate can be a difficult quest for several reasons. Given how it’s not always easy to find that intense connection, let me share signs that the man you are dating (or dated) is not your destined mate.
He’s Not Your Mate If:
- You fight a lot (even if making up is awesome)
- You love him more than he loves you
- He’s not willing to commit
- He’s not relationship ready
- You want to change many things about him
- He doesn’t make you a priority
- He doesn’t have time to see you
- He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family
- He is unwilling to yield or ever admit he is wrong
- He doesn’t keep his promises to you
- You’ve caught him lying, cheating, being dishonest
- He does a variety of hurtful things often
I know these are tough words and might be hard for you to hear and agree with. This is the best way to determine if you’ve met your soulmate or not. I’m not saying everything is always easy or fabulous every minute of every day. How unrealistic would that be?
The balance is certainly skewed in that direction though. You enjoy more good times than bad. While you may have a few rough patches, you always manage to work through them together for a positive outcome.
If a man is truly your soulmate, and you are meant to be together, then for the most part things go well and your relationship is loving and life enhancing. It feels like the two of you as individuals come together to make something bigger or a greater whole. You are more united than apart.
Soulmates don’t always last forever
As a dating coach, when my clients come to me upset about their soulmate leaving or the relationship ending, my heart goes out to them. Not all unions of this kind last a lifetime. Sometimes two people come together for a shorter time to work out a particular issue.
Other times it just might be the wake up call that you weren’t really soulmates. Sometimes wishful thinking can get the best of you as you focus on the parts you adore and ignore the parts that don’t work. That can only last a limited amount of time until it breaks you apart.
Your soulmate will never be perfect
Realism is an essential element of any search for love. If you are looking for a man who is perfect for you in every way, you are not looking for your soulmate – you are looking for a man who doesn’t exist. You are chasing a dream that will keep you single and alone. As a dating coach, I’ve had clients who viewed 6,000 profiles and only found 5-6 men who met their ideal mate criteria!
No man is perfect and neither are you. If you think finding the right man for you means everything about him is exactly what you want, you are not living in the real world. All humans have flaws. The trick is to find a man who has most of what you want. A man who:
- Has a good heart
- Has a desire for a committed relationship
- Treats you well
- Will talk about things and compromise
- You enjoy and can laugh with
- Encourages and supports you emotionally
- Respects you as you respect him
- Makes you laugh
- Enhances your life
- Spends quality time with you
- Accepts you for who you are
- Has a generous spirit
These are the key qualities that form the foundation for a healthy, loving and lasting relationship. His height, bank account, car or hairline will never be the characteristics that matter over time.
I hope you find your soulmate, but if you can find a man you are compatible with, respect and enjoy, trust me, that’s a wonderful sign you are on the right path.
Looking for more dating advice and tips for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce? Get a copy of my free book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away