Single over 40 and ready to meet men? But where are they, you ask? Read on to discover my proven tactics that helped me find love and my dating coaching too.
“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach
I’m a 40 year old woman and consider myself to be attractive and in-shape as I work out regularly and take care of myself. But I truly struggle, and have for years with getting dates. My social calendar has been dry since my mid-30’s.
I’m told by male friends that if I go out alone, I give the impression that I’m lonely, desperate and unpopular. As a result, I’m not desirable to the opposite sex. Most of my friends are married at this point and so going to events etc. solo is the only alternative to sitting home alone, which isn’t going to get me a date either.
Online dating at my age is simply frustrating and wasteful. I do meet people in places such as the train, gym etc., but even though I think a man might be interested, I never seem to get asked out. I’ve tried the approach of asking the man out, but that never seems to fare well for me.
Basically, I’ve attributed my lack of dates to the idea that I’m doing something wrong, but I simply don’t know what it is. Please help me understand what it is I need to do to attract a man who wants to go out with me because after all these years, I just don’t have a clue.
Thanks for your help in advance,”
Clueless in Colorado
Thanks for your heart-felt letter. I’m glad you asked this question about where to meet men because you are not alone with this struggle. So many of my dating coaching clients have the same issue, believe me. From what you wrote, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you except you don’t meet enough men. You have to meet a lot to sift through and find “The One” for you.
Your Male Friends Are…Wrong
First thing I want to say is that your male friends are off base and well, wrong. Maybe if you go to a bar alone you might look desperate to some. But Patti Stanger, Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker and I both recommend going to an upscale bar/restaurant on a Thursday night at 6pm to meet men. Sit at the bar for an hour or so and be friendly! You look like you are waiting for a friend and you can say that if you feel you need to. Sometimes friends don’t show up – it’s happened to me so you look completely normal.
Go to Singles Events Alone
You can go to singles events and Meetup.com groups alone and there’s nothing strange about that – it’s expected. Often there are fewer men than women, but don’t let that stop you. Plus, you can meet the women too and make friends, so you have some single gals to go out with. That really can help, but it’s not necessary.
Online Dating Is A Great Place to Find Single Men
Yes, I know online dating can be frustrating – so what? If you want to meet single men, that’s the place to look. Most won’t be right for you, but that’s how it is with all dating. Get your expectations in line with what really happens and you won’t be so frustrated. Don’t waste a lot of time texting and emailing. If a man doesn’t ask to meet you, move on or ask him. It’s not the same as asking for a first date because your first meeting is considered “date zero”.
You Aren’t as Likely to Meet Men in Daily Routine, But They Are There!
The truth is, men are every where you go. But frequently, single women just don’t notice the men who walk by. Nor do they have their single gal antennae up to see if men are noticing them. This takes practice but it is worthwhile. I know couples who met at WalMart, the dog park, Bed Bath & Beyond etc.
Do You Flirt and Are You Friendly, Open and Approachable?
Sometimes women forget how to be friendly and open. You have to push yourself to smile, have brief eye-contact and be friendly. You might want to check out my Flirt School program – I’m turning that class into a hme study course so you can learn at your own speed. Flirting is the feminine art of interacting with men in a playful, fun and spontaneous way. It takes some guts true, but it works!
You can’t set your sites on one particular man – that might not work. But if you learn to flirt and do this regularly, you will meet lots of men. My dating coaching clients who have worked with me and learned to flirt are shocked at how easy it is to meet lots of men!
Get Determined! I Did and You Can Too!
Keep in mind, I was single from 22 till 40, so you are right where I was, except I had been alone a lot longer. But I broke down my barriers to meeting men and did what it took to get out there. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find the man who became my husband – we’ve been married for 13 years! This is what motivated me to become a dating coach. I figured, heck if I could figure this out, any woman could do it! And so many of my clients have.
Check out this email I got just today:
I wanted to let you know that my romance with continues to be blissful and passionate…it’s almost 4 months. He is the most wonderful man and our relationship is so great. He is also wildly in love with me, which is so nice:) AND…really…I don’t think the story would have such happy chapters if I hadn’t done coaching and classes with you. What I learned was invaluable. Your influence, especially around femininity and letting the guy drive, is profound. It’s also really fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you” –Patti
Say, “What the Heck?” and Go for It!
The truth is, you simply need to “decide” that you want love enough that you will try new things. Say, “What the heck?” and get out there. You have to cross paths with men for them to ask you out. Smile at a few and see what happens.
Wishing you love,