Picking the wrong man again – Is that your fear this Halloween?
Maybe you are divorced or have ended a long-term relationship. If you’ve had more than one love that ended badly, you might have developed a fear about choosing the right man again. Some women tell me how they fear having a broken picker and worry they will end up with another rotten apple.
Let me help you get over this chilling thought with a few methods to feel more in control and the ability to chose more wisely when it comes to men.
1. Make a list about your exes including pros and cons.
What did you liek about the guys that didn’t work out? Maybe you liked his looks, his sense of humor, his charming nature, his brilliance and success. Notice any similarities about the men if there is more than one. History provides some great insights when you take the time to look.
Now, what did you detest about the men as well? Were they mean, self-centered, alcoholics, untrustworthy, cheaters, cheap, etc. Take a moment to think about what exactly what the cause of each break up was and be honest with yourself. Allow the memories of the bad parts to weigh in so you are clear about why things didn’t work out.
2. Knock him off that pedestal!
Sometimes it’s spooky how much easier it is to remember the things that made you fall in love. At the same time, somehow you manage to banish the parts that caused pain. There seems to be a rosey glow about a man who is lost or one who got away. It’s time to override this selective memory trick to get back to reality. When you allow yourself to remember only the parts you loved and adored, you keep the wrong man for you on a pedestal that he does not deserve. Knock him off right now and come back to reality. If he was the perfect man, you’d still be together.
3. Take ownership of your mistakes.
No matter how many bad relationships you’ve lived through, a better love for you does exist if you are willing to learn from your mistakes. If you need help to recover and learn from your last relationship, then get some. Admit your part, even if it was simply hoping things would get better. Once you take these steps, you free yourself to try again with a clean slate.
4. You are only a victim if you don’t move forward.
The act of not trying again can sometimes actually keep you feeling like a victim. If your fear of repeating the same mistake and picking the wrong man overrides your ability to start fresh and meet new men with an open heart, you may become a victim. But you won’t be a victim of your ex, but of yourself and your fears. Yes an uncertain future can be scary. Yet it can hold wonderful, loving experiences as well.
5. The Universe is an abundant place – He’s not the only man for you!
Only magical thinking could have you believe your ex is the only man for you. I don’t believe in just one soulmate – there are too many people who do find love again. The Universe is an amazingly abundant place with countless options. Even if you can’t see it right now, I guarantee, there is another man out there, a BETTER man if you take the time to heal and get back out there.
6. Open your mind and heart to a new type of guy.
The best way to avoid picking the wrong man again is to seek a new type of guy. Looking back at the list of what you didn’t like about your exes, add to that what the red flags are that you could have picked the wrong guy. There are always red flags, but often you choose to ignore them gazing only at the parts of a guy you adore. Tuck that list of red flags into your purse or stick it on your refrigerator so you know here it is.
When you start dating a guy, if you notice a red flag, make a note. If you see three or more, that’s your signal you are in danger of repeating the same mistake. Consciously choose to move on before you get in too deep. That’s how you can keep history from repeating itself and learn to trust your picker again. Choosing to leave is sometimes the most empowering choice you can make to take care of yourself.
Don’t let the scary relationship situations of your past predict your future. Dating consciously and a willingness to learn from your mistakes puts you in the driver seat to avoid picking the wrong man again and instead, finding a healthy love to enjoy.