Lots of dating advice for women in this post! Date smart to guard your heart.
Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women Over 40,
” I met a guy on match and we have been on 3 dates already. The 2nd date I had a little too much to drink and we ended up going back to his place. We have a lot in common and I really like him. I asked him how many girls he’d been with and if he was dating anyone else. He said not many and he isn’t seeing anyone else. I know that when you are dating you should see more than one person, but I just can’t and he said he feels the same.
We went on a third date but didn’t sleep together and we talk every night and text periodically. Last weekend we were supposed to go out but I got tied up and he was pretty bummed. We’re supposed to go out again this weekend. We were going to hang out all day Saturday but he told me today that it’s his friends birthday. How do you forget that??
I felt suspicious but he wanted to do Friday or Sunday instead. I told him NO WAY because I have a life to which he said how about Saturday day time and he seemed eager to see me. I think these are all good things and he did give me a heads up well in advance and still wants to meet.
The thing is, he goes on his match account everyday. Yesterday he was supposed to call me, then he texted me to say he was too tired to call. But I saw him on match. He wasn’t tired for that! I know I’m reading into it but I’ve been in abusive and bad relationships and I just don’t want to be used again. He seems like a decent guy but I’m worried. I go on match too, but I’m different and it bothers me.
I feel like I’m just there and he is still looking for something better which makes me feel bad. My problem is I can only focus on 1 guy which I guess I shouldn’t do? Am I reading into this too much? What should I do? Is he worth my time? Am I a fool? Please help!
P.S. I was told once, when a dude knows he’s got you, he will no longer invest. How can I prevent that? As I usually contact him 1st but he responds right away. I really need some guidance :)”
Melinda from Michigan
Wow, there is a lot going on here! Let me share some of my best dating advice.
Dating more than one guy is absolutely essential – You think that because you slept with this guy, asked him some questions and liked his answers that the two of you are together. But that is not true. You are not a couple in a relationship until you have a discussion about exclusivity and agree to take down your profiles. You are nowhere near this after just three dates. It could take 10 dates or more before you get to exclusivity.
By focusing on just one guy, you are setting your sights on a man you don’t really know. You can see he is still on match as you should expect him to be AND you are too! It works both ways.
Don’t Call Him – If you want to know if a guy is interested in you, DON’T CALL HIM! You need to learn how dating works which is to let the man pursue you. If you always initiate contact, you’ll never know what he would do on his own without your prompting. That’s really important. Without seeing what he will do to win you over, you cannot know if he is truly interested, is flattered, or thinks you’ll be an easy conquest.
Don’t Be Too Hard to Get – You don’t want it to be too hard to get together or a man may think you are hard to please or worse, not interested. Yes, you have a schedule, but you also have to be available. Putting him off until the next week could give him the wrong signals. At the beginning of dating, waiting until the next weekend can be seen as a long time and reason enough to get back on match.com to see who IS available for this weekend.
What He Does, Not What He Says – Asking a man direct questions doesn’t often produce results you can trust. You don’t know if he answered your questions truthfully or said what he thinks a woman want to hear. In the early phase of dating, you want to observe a man’s actions rather than rely on his words. Talk is cheap. Maybe it was his friend’s birthday Saturday night, or maybe he had another hot date. Who can say?
Unfortunately, there is no way to go back and undo. So, the insight about “once a guy has you” has some truth to it.
Not sure what’s going to happen with this man, but my dating advice is to get real about him seeing other women and maybe sleeping with them too.
Here’s My Dating Advice for the Future
1. Give yourself a two drink limit so things don’t “just happen” Take full responsibility for your actions.
2. Date more than one guy if the opportunity is there. Dating is the process of determining if a guy is right for a long term relationship. You need several dates before you can settle in on one guy for the long run. Otherwise, it’s a recipe for continued heartbreak and hooking up with the wrong guys.
3. Hold off on intimacy until a man has proven his interest with consistency over time. The longer you wait, the more evidence you have he’s not in it just for the sex.
4. Don’t call men or initiate a lot of contact. Let t he man pursue you which works a lot better for the long run. It’s the only way you can know he is genuinely interested and not just flattered or hopeful for easy conquest.
5. Get more dating advice for women over 40. I recommend my book MANifesting Mr. Right https://nevertoolate.biz/products/manifesting-mr-right/ or join my Inner Circle Group https://nevertoolate.biz/n2l4l-inner-circle/ where you can ask me your questions directly once a month on a group call that is empowering and eye-opening.
Wishing you love,