When to Hide Your Online Dating Profile
This question is such a common one from women about when to take down their online dating profile. What it says to me as a dating coach for women is that she has some huge misconceptions about how dating works in general, not just online. I hope if you are reading this and have similar questions about dating online, you will catch on and avoid this kind of thing yourself.
Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,
I met a guy online – he seemed nice. I went to hide my online dating profile and saw that he was still online. I checked a couple more times to find the same thing. Since I had a paid membership I gave it to a girlfriend. Since he realized I was checking on him, before giving up my profile, he stopped calling. I presume its over! Now what???
Please help – I need your advice.
Crazed in Cleveland
I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but there is absolutely nothing you can do. If he was into you, he’d be dating you. We don’t know why he stopped calling you. It could be because you checked his profile too often. But it could be a million other reasons. Even if you two seemed to really enjoy each other, that unfortunately doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have a second date either.
My advice about your online dating profile is for you to sign up again and start fresh. However, please find the five of the MOST important pieces of online dating advice you need for future interactions:
1) Do not take your profile down until a man asks you to be exclusive. Or, until you bring it up, discuss being exclusive and gain agreement. This doesn’t happen on one date or two usually. Don’t assume anything.
2) One date or even four dates doesn’t mean the two of you are a couple. Dating is just the start of things. So much can happen including the fact that you might decide you don’t like him and want to keep looking.
3) Don’t narrow your options too quickly. Keep meeting men and dating until you have an agreement with one guy to be exclusive. This could take 4-10 dates and sometimes longer than 6-8 weeks. Getting to know someone and build a relationship takes time and is not something that can be rushed.
4) Not every man who dates you wants a relationship which is another reason not to stop meeting new people. The idea is to date men casually until it becomes more serious and exclusivity is discussed. You need to see what he does, how he treats you, if you have similar values, enjoy each other and want the same kind of relationship.
5) Don’t keep checking a man’s profile. Now you know he can see you doing this and might think you are stalking him. No one wants a stalker or a date who is too eager (men or women).
The beginning of dating is awkward and there is no getting around it. As a woman you need to wait to see how interested and persistent a man is. That is the only way you can know he is truly interested. If you contact him, you get in your own way of finding out what he will do on his own to win you over.
The best way to think about is to compare dating to ballroom dancing. The idea is that there is only one leader and one follower if you want the dancing to be any good and yo can guess who leads in the very beginning phase of dating right?
As a dating coach for women, I realize this is a lot of feedback all at once. But I can see you have some misconceptions about online dating and knowing more about how things actually work today will make your experience better. I encourage you to check out my “Sizzle vs. Fizzle” Online Home Study Kit or try the Inner Circle Monthly Q&A call so you can ask me questions directly.
Wishing you love,