How to understand men and why they might stop asking you out
Last week I wrote about five reasons why a man might choose not to call again – these were all about him. However, in this post, the five reasons could be a reaction to something you did. As your dating coach, I want to help you avoid these mistakes so you get more second, third and fourth dates.
1. You’re too busy – Busy-ness is a gigantic problem for women hoping to find love. In your jam-packed life, filled with career, kids, aging parents, exercise, volunteer work or household chores, you might not have much time to date. The worst thing you can do is share how crazy busy your life is on the first date. That can be a huge turnoff for men.
Let me explain so you understand men. This might surprise you, but single men today want to know they have a shot of being a priority in your life. But as you unload about how busy you are, what he really hears is a massive laundry list on which he falls to the very bottom. Or he might think you’ll be hard to schedule dates with – something that is very likely if you don’t make time to date. neither one of these situations is fun for they guy.
Take a moment right now and put that shoe on the other foot. Do you want to feel like a priority with a man? Of course you do! Well he wants the same thing. Do yourself a favor and don’t talk about how busy you are no matter how true this is. Keep that little life detail to yourself for the first few dates if you want to get to know him.
2. You shared too much – Over-sharing is a trap that many single women fall into, especially when you meet a man who is a good listener. I cannot tell you how many men complain about how women unload on them during a first date. Men tell me they feel like women expect them to be a date and a therapist.
No matter what a good listener your date appears to be, don’t take advantage of his good nature if you want a second date. Your job on a date is to be a good listener and conversationalist. Sharing life details, especially what is not working, will not get you more dates. Avoid talking about your issues with dating, your ex, finances, career, children, or health. Keep your conversation on fun subjects like food, vacation spots and how you spend your free time.
3. You’re not fun to be with – It happens to everyone. Some days stink! But a first date is a lot like a job interview, so conduct yourself accordingly. Don’t complain about your day – talk about things that put you in a positive light. The point is to be enjoyable and pleasant. to understand men, know that they choose women who make them feel good. So no matter what your day was like – be upbeat and positive to get the job of girlfriend. In the future, you can get support when you have bad day but not before he even knows you.
Think about it – would you want to see a guy who was a downer the first time you met him? I doubt it.
4. You over communicate – It seems only natural to text, email or call a man the next day to say thank you. As a dating coach for women, I don’t think it’s necessary. Initiating communication is the man’s job during the first 4-8 dates. However, if the man texts you back, you think, “How fun!” and start a string of communication. Then when you don’t hear from him you contact him again to check in. Please don’t call him.
Your best course of action is to hold back and respond only when he contacts you at the start of dating. Later things will balance out. But men often feel crowded by women who over communicates. You can easily avoid this by not contacting him
5. You pursued him – Please do not ask men out. To understand men, pleas know that if you don’t hear from him, its not a good idea to call or ask him out to keep things moving. Trust me on this – if a man wants to see you, he knows exactly what to do. There is not need for you to take over the pursuit. And if you do, it will most likely turn him off!
When you chase a man, it makes you look desperate. Don’t pursue men. This is his job, please let him do it. You cannot be the man and the woman in your dating relationships. Leave something for him. Besides, its so much better when he pursues you because that is how a man gets invested – by trying to win you over. When you chase him, he doesn’t have to win you over and you become less desirable.
These are five mistakes women make every day. Now that you know what they are, I hope you will curb these urges and improve your dating life.