Need help to better understand men?
Many single women do! This reader wrote in about a confusing situation with a new guy she met online. Read on to see how I helped her.
Hey Ronnie – The Dating Coach for women 40+
Please help me understand men! I started talking to a guy, who made the first connection online for about 2 weeks. We talked about 3-4 times during that time before we went our first date last Friday. We had our date in which he traveled about an hour to come see me, had dinner, went downtown to walk around and went to a club.
He paid, was very polite including opening doors,paying compliments, kissing my hand and cheek. But when he went for an actual kiss, I told him let’s wait.
On the date and online he was adamant about only “putting his eggs in one basket” and looking for a relationship. He said he wanted to get together again, to which I agreed. Well we parted ways, I asked him to call me to ensure that he got home and he did.
The next day he called a few times, I finally responded back. Starting Sunday, all of a sudden we weren’t talking as much. When he texted me I would text back, but I don’t know why all of a sudden we aren’t talking. My mind has me wondering now. He seems to go on the website everyday, but he said he only wanted to deal with one lady. I just don’t understand men.
I am to the point where since we have not had a real conversation and he has not made any concrete plans, I’m thinking he may not be interested any more?! Or maybe he’s dating someone else?
He is studying for a graduate entrance exam, and I know he works everyday, but is he really that busy? He calls/texts me every morning but literally he called me, and I called back. He texted me, “Hey missed your call again, what’s up?”
What should I think of all this? Am I being strung along? Please help!
Dear Basket Woman,
I can’t say for sure, but I can give you my gut reaction to help you understand men.
I don’t believe a man when he says “one woman right away” without ever meeting. That is often a “Rush to Bed” strategy for men. Some guys tell women what they want to hear to get into their pants faster. This could be his method. So, my bet is “liar liar pants on fire”. He has no intention of focusing on one woman. Since his strategy didn’t work with you, perhaps he has cooled and/or moved on.
I can see why you feel like he is stringing you along with his texting and phone call evasion tricks. It’s hard to understand men and why they do this. But I can tell you that a man who has decided you are “the one”, doesn’t stop calling and doesn’t keep aggressively looking online.
Maybe the texting makes him feel good since he’s likely in contact with several women at the same time. That could be a great ego boost as he scans for women who will jump into bed with him.
As a dating coach for women, this is what I recommend. Don’t date one man! Date around until one man you like asks you to be exclusive. Never agree to this on or before the first date. I wouldn’t narrow your options until you’ve had at least 4-6 maybe 10 dates with the same guy who is consistent, true to his word, follows through as promised, treats you well, has similar values and you enjoy your time together.
If you want to understand men better, I suggest you become a member of my Inner Circle which features monthly Q&A calls. Plus, there are 20 recorded expert interviews among other benefits. It’s all for a nominal fee of just $19.97 a month.
Learn more about group dating coaching in the Inner Circle here to see if it’s for you.
Photo Credit: Watt Publishing