Don’t Call Him: It’s Been 3 Days – Should I Call Him?

Single women – please don’t call him!  I know it’s not easy to wait and wonder, especially when you think it’s so easy to just pick up the phone and reach out to that new guy.

Read on to find out why this essential dating advice is completely in your best interest.

Should I Call Him?

don't call himDear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I went on a date 3 days ago with a guy I met online. We texted for several weeks before he finally asked me out. Normally I wouldn’t stick around that long, but I got the impression early on that he is fairly shy.

The date went well. He texted me within 30-minutes of us saying goodbye, making small talk, and went on to say I was beautiful and he had fun. He’s alluded to seeing me again in the future and things we could do, but not actually asked or made plans.

I know its only been 3 days, but I’m not sure what the norm is. One of my friends suggested he may be holding off because he knows I’m in the middle of finals week and I’ve been pretty busy studying. I don’t know. Still seems plans could be made for in the future, after finals right?

Has He Lost Interest?

I’m hesitant to believe he’s lost interest because he constantly initiates contact off and on all day, every day. I’m new back in the dating market and I’m pretty much learning the rules of the game for the first time.

Please help,
Itching to Dial”

There’s Only One Way to Know His Interest Level

Dear Itching,

This is one of the hardest things for women to understand and follow through on. But I urge you  – Don’t call him! If you want to know how much a man is interested in you, there is only one way to do that.

Don’t call him and don’t do anything! This is where you want to rely on your feminine charm and understand how the Yin Yang Dating Principle works.

You say he’s still emailing or texting, but not asking for another date? Is that right? Here’s my dating advice and solution:

Stop answering his texts and emails.

When you pull back, you rely on your Yin energy of being receptive. You allow the man to miss you and wonder – “Hey where’d she go?” Then, if he doesn’t want to lose touch, he’ll call you!

This is so much better than trying to pursue him and taking over the Yang role of action. Don’t fall into this trap!

The Yin Yang Dating Principle

The Yin Yang Dating Principle is very much like ballroom dancing. The man leads and the woman follows. Allowing the man to lead and pursue you is by far the best, and in truth the only way to discover how much he wants to be with you.

If you try to take the lead, most men don’t like being pursued and don’t want to compete with the male energy you are expending to win him over. They will lose interest and disappear. This happens ALL THE TIME!

That means, if you call him, ask him out, buy tickets to things, email all the time, you are pursuing him. He may go along for the ride because  he feels flattered, curious or hopeful he’ll get lucky.

But none of that means he’s deeply interested in you for the long run! Just don’t call him. Seriously.

Sit Back and Relax

My proven dating advice is to sit back and respond when he contacts you – this is better for collecting information about what he’ll do to win you over. The vast majority of dating experts agree on this concept and strategy.

Taking this a step further, if you want your guy to call and ask you out, totally stop responding to his technology communications. Don’t answer his texts and emails until after he calls you.

Whatever You Do, Don’t Call Him

If this man is truly interested, he’ll call you and ask you out. Get scarce to get his attention! Rely on your feminine charm and Yin energy to draw him to you.

And if this doesn’t work and he still doesn’t come around, then  you’ve learned something crucial to dating this guy – he’s just not that into you. That’s when you know it’s time to move on to seek a better man.

Want more of Ronnie’s proven dating advice about understanding men? Listen to her Free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Guy

 

35 responses on “Don’t Call Him: It’s Been 3 Days – Should I Call Him?

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lynn, Listen to your male friends! They know! You said you had a good time, you thanked him and said you’d go out again. What more is needed? This is nonsense – nothing hinges on the perfect text. Either he will follow through or not, but your text was totally fine. Get out of your head, stop over-thinking and go out with some other guys as you are already doing. Distraction is what you need because your texting is not a problem.

  2. Lynn

    Texting…. what a game changer compared to dating 15 years ago! Met a guy from Bumble Wednesday evening. He suggested drinks at a lovely place. We had fantastic three-hour conversation. After I headed home, hit the sack, and woke up to a very lovely text the next morning saying he had a good time and would be asking me out when he got back from his trip to California for two weeks. It was a very enthusiastic text sent as soon as he got home that evening. I replied, thanking him for the drinks, saying I had a good time as well and would catch him when he got back in town. On reflection, I didn’t sound enthusiastic, just matter of fact. We dissected this at work the next day, my female coworker saying I should follow up with a text that’s enthusiastic and casual. My guy buddies say no. Let him know you had a good time, leave it at that and let him chase. What do you think? It does stress me out a bit that so much could hinge on one silly text and it’s tone. I am continuing to see another guy in the meantime, so not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I don’t want to screw this up either. I’ve been punished in the past for showing too much enthusiasm too soon. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Worried, When you ask a direct question and a man pulls away rather than answer, that is NOT a good sign. It doesn’t mean YOU did anything wrong. It might not be about you at all. He’s not sharing his life with you and if you are older (25+), this is a sign that he isn’t thinking about you long term. Why call him again? If he wants to speak with you, he will. And if he doesn’t, then you know he doesn’t care about you. It’s sad and hurtful, but you might as well know sooner than later. I wouldn’t call him. The chance that he’s going to give you the explanation you seek are slim anyway. Give him time. If he loves you, he’ll come around.

  4. Worried girl

    Hi Ronnie

    It’s been 3days he didn’t cal me for the first time in two years relationship the prob is I didn’t do anything wrong I just askd him why he didn’t share wit me when I came to knw that his sis getting married but never told me a word son he got angry and cut the line till 3days he didn’t cal or should I call him.

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Natalie, The only way to keep a man interested is to not be clingy, needy, or desperate. And don’t chase after him either. Instead, be confident and if he doesn’t come around, then he isn’t that into you. The last thing you want is some man you have to cajole to be around you. You’ll never win that way. So let go rather than hold on tight and if he wants to be with you, he will. And if he doesn’t stay in touch the way you want, he’s the wrong man. No matter how much you like a man that doesn’t make him the right guy. He has to WANT you too.

  6. Natalie

    Hi Ronnie, I’m sure I’ve made mistakes already with this man I’ve grown fond of. It started with him helping me move, and then being a friend when I needed a shoulder to cry on….just recently we started having sex, and before that he said he was hurt deeply by a woman he had strong feelings for…I’ve broken all the rules and would text/call him for no reason..I’m sure I smacked of desperation…the last time we spent the night together he said he would catch up with me in a few days…how do I get/keep him interested beyond sex, and/or a casual relationship? I have deep feelings for him.

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jasmine – You didn’t mention if you went on dates. Sorry to say, if it’s just sexual and he doesn’t initiate contact any other time, he’s really not interested in you beyond the physical. The fact that you stopped texting him and he hasn’t reached out proves that as well. You could also read this post which supports not texting to find out how a man really feels.

  8. Jasmine

    I met a guy a few months ago we recently started having sex we video chat text from time to time but it’s notmally me initiating the conversation he says he’s always busy and he knows he needs to work on communication . I haven’t contacted him in 2 days today being the start of the 3rd and I haven’t heard from him since. What does this mean what should I do

  9. Erica

    Hi Ronnie, I met this guy in March when I was out with friends. We hit it off instantly, and I gave him my number but, he didn’t use it right away. See I’m divorced and so is he, but we both are not looking for anything serious. We met on a Saturday night and he didn’t reach out until I hit him up Wednesday… We ended up going out on a Friday and hit it off. He has been very inconsistent. I’m always initiating contact … I feel he’s not that interested. Should keep texting him? I feel I should sit back and see if he texts but how many days should I wait?

  10. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, Hanging out is casual and men often are working up to casual sex. Hooking up or friends with benefits. If you want a real boyfriend he might not be the one. Go out on dates, don’t stay at home. If he doesn’t want to take you on dates, he doesn’t want to date you, just sleep with you. Maybe you don’t mind casual sex – that’s up to you. But if you want love, he’s probably not the one. Read this post on “hanging out“.

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rusty,

    I’m sorry to say he wasn’t sick- he was avoiding you with that excuse. So while you were kind and showing concern, he just wanted a fast get away. I rcommend reading this post about men who play sick. What should you do now? NOTHING! Never chase men. If he had wanted to be in touch, he knew how to get a hold of you. Its time to realize that when a man doesn’t get in ouch – that’s his CHOICE and nothing is wrong. Cowardly, evasive? Yes, but to be expected. You can’t make a man want to date you. Stick with local men to avoid these awkward situations.

  12. Rusty

    Ronnie,
    I met a man online 6 weeks ago. Very nice person who lives 31/2 hours from me. He came in and we went on a dinner date. He got sick and had to leave the next morning to go home. He had the flu. I text him a few times but no answer. I called and his friend text me saying he was in the hospital. I waited until he got home and text him again but no answer for several days. I was concerned. I got upset and text him saying why didn’t you even call to say how you were? What’s wrong? He then text me back saying he didn’t like my sarcastic text. “He will think about our relationship, I need a few days to see if it is beneficial to pursue.” I haven’t heard from him since, what do I do?

  13. Sarah

    Just hung out with a guy who was a co worker years ago, then stayed friends with through the occasional text. He came over to my place and we talked, laughed, watched some tv and did some snuggling but that’s it. When he left, he said to let him know when I want to hang out again….ummm what?? So, I should wait to hear from him, right?

  14. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sasha, Since you already know this man it’s a little different so you can text him once. Do not ask him where he’s been or why haven’t you heard from him. You could say something about you have in common or mention something that reminded him of you. For example, you might say, “Saw that movie you mentioned last night and it made me think of you. Ho are you?” Something totally causal like that. I also recommend you read these posts about why does he text me out of the blue.

  15. sasha

    a man i knew from years ago got ahold of me and we texted and said he wanted to take me to diner, and said no pressure just catching up, we went out 2 times he started to text me and when I didnt hear from him i stsrted texting him he always responded right away, but i havent’t heard from him in a few weeks..should I text him

  16. Claudia

    Thank you so much for the advise. Although I do not like him yet because he has done nothing for me to fall for him, I have to admit that I miss the attention. I will follow your advise and wait for him to contact me.

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Claudia, When a man pulls away you don’t check in about the next date. It’s better to see what he does. Since he has stopped communicating I would assume the date is off. And if he contacts you, you can say since he ghosted, you assumed things were off. In case he is still interested, that lets him know how you expect to be treated.

    The next thing is you assume he wants a long-term relationship because he’s 30+. But I”m not so sure. Even though he lives at home, could take you out to a restaurant! Sitting in his car eating take out is NOT a DATE – I agree! If he’s mad you wouldn’t watch a movie at his house – too bad. Stick to your guns about not going to a man’s house – it usually means he expects sex. Time to be smart about the men you date. It’s great that he talked to you daily but, you need higher standards. Think about how you want to be treated and don’t accept anything less. May you never drive around and eat take out in a car again – that’s enough to dump his immature and thoughtless butt.

  18. Claudia

    I met this guy online and we texted a few times before he asked me on a date. It was casual but, I never felt so comfortable with someone I just met. Since then, he call at least once a day and texts. It’s been a month and we went on a few other dates. My issue is these dates are too casual. For example, he would just call and say he’ll pick me up in 1 hour but then we end just driving around the block, grab some Chinese food and talk for hours in his car. I wouldn’t mind if we have been together for a while but I feel like he is not putting any effort into wooing me. I’m in my late 20s and he is early 30s, so we are both looking for a serious relationship but a take-out is not what I have in mind for a date! Last Saturday he asked me to go bowling with him and his brother and then to go to his place for a movie afterwards. I declined the movie but, said yes to bowling. Since then he stopped texting. I figured he was busy so, I texted him the next day but he told me he was going out with friends. I never heard from him again. I’m assuming he’s upset because I declined. He lives with his family but I don’t feel comfortable going to his house yet. Bowling is this Sunday so I’m not sure if I should contact him to know if it’s still on. Please advise.

  19. Lauren

    You’re the best! In this day in age you never know what to do when it comes to guys. God bless you for helping us women and giving us some direction. Men are seriously another species ? Thank you!

  20. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lauren, – You’ve got it right – do nothing to find out what he’ll do. Give him a chance to step up and reach out. If he doesn’t then he’s not the man you thought and he’s not really interested. Might as well find out now instead of months from now. This is the smartest way.

  21. Lauren

    Okay so I met a guy I really like online and have hung out with him 3 times in the past 2-3 weeks! The first date went great so we planned to see each other again the second time (which also went great) The third time we hung out after a concert that we both got tickets to seperately before we even knew each other. I should also include that all throughout this we have been texting everyday since we’ve met each other. So here is where I need advice on what to do…. we planned to meet a 4th time the night we both got back from the concert (which was out of town) and he fell asleep so we didn’t hang out. He apologized the next morning and we talked some that day but then I stopped responding to him because the conversation was going nowhere. Today we both haven’t initiated any conversation and normally I feel like we would have. So should I continue to not initiate conversation and wait to hear from him? Please give me your honest advice on what to do from here on out?

  22. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi HYM, There is not much you can do to make a man WANT to be in touch more. Sounds like he is generous with everything EXCEPT his time. If you want more time, tell him that. If you want to be in touch more regularly say something. You’ll never get what you want by keeping your mouth shut. All the rules are different since you are in a long-term relationship, not just dating a few times. I recommend having a conversation about what you want from the relationship. He may step it up if he wants to keep you. Or you may discover he’s perfectly happy with how things are and doesn’t want more so be prepared for that possibility. Then you ‘ll need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship where you r needs are not being met. But first, be sure to talk to him.

  23. H.Y.M

    I have been dating with this person for two years now, he works with the military and travels alot and also he has a band. My thing is when he goes and play he is inconsistent with his calls at times this weekend he called me on his first gig and when he finished. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t hear from him and now Monday so far no communication. What should I do I have done in the past not answer don’t text and want respond. I feel I shouldn’t have to play these games being I am 43 and he is 52… He has shown me so much love through these years and he has given me his government cell phone that only the military and his parents have. I don’t call or text that phone unless it’s truly an 911. What should I do and how to handle the situation.

  24. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anita,

    It’s been 5 months so you can call him again although why isn’t he calling you back? I’m concerned about your strong attachment to this man who lives far away. Getaways are fun but, not a real relationship. If you were taking this lightly, that would be one thing. But it sounds like you’ve fallen hard for this guy. I don’t know what kind of agreement if any that you’ve made but I think reading this post on long distance relationships will give you some perspective on the uphill battle you might be facing with this guy.

  25. Anita

    Ok so long story short; I met a man in June from out of town. We meet once a month at different vacation spots. We communicate on a daily, but lately we both have a lot going on and I haven’t talked with him for 4 days, but we did communicate by email. I miss this guy so bad and all I want to do is call him. He did call me 3 days ago and email and I was unavailable. When i reached back out, I guess he was unavailable. Should I reach back out?

  26. Debra Green

    This was fantastic Ronnie, thank you so much! I just found you today and I wish I had done so sooner. I’m a 46 yr old, 8-yrs divorced mother of 3 nearly grown children. Had several baaad relationships since the divorce and I keep learning. I find your advice to be spot on. Just last week I stopped texting with a man wouldn’t ever meet me in person after three weeks (2 weeks too long, I know, lol) and just reading from you that I did the right thing was such a relieving confirmation. I am also super excited that you speak about yin and yang energy and what we send out to the Universe. That’s synchronicity right there that I found you, because that is right up my alley. 🙂
    So, thank you again for sharing your knowledge and insight, and brutal but compassionate honesty with us! I am definitely a fan after just one day! (Does that say anything about my dating style???JK! LOL)
    Warmly,
    Debi

  27. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Joy, Yes I agree – lack of communication will never bring you closer. If he is unwilling to discuss the situation to resolve it, this is not going to get better. How will you ever work things out? Not sure what role you play in this communication shut down but I do agree, this is not a good sign for a lasting, loving relationship. I’d think long and hard if he’s the right man for you. And for a loving future, be sure to consider how you might better communicate as well.

  28. Joy

    I’ve been dating this guy for a year and half now, I broke up with him for three months in between, we’ve had quite a good relationship with a few quarrels however sometimes we don’t communicate for two to three days, no calls, no texting, no dates. I used to be initially cool with it but now I’m no longer cool with it, I want to get serious and want daily communication because I believe if we can go off three days without communication because we had a quarrel then it’s wrong. If we have quarrels we should be able to resolve it before the next day not going two to three days off before communicating because one person made the other angry and vice versa. What do you think?

  29. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Emily, If you want, you get one chance to contact him first. Don’t say anything about why you haven’t heard from him. Think of something cute or funny or light-hearted and see if he picks up the ball and runs with it. Maybe you will jump start things again. Just don’t do it more than once because then you are chasing him. Unfortunately, a good first date doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have a second.

  30. Emily

    So even after the first date went well, he pays, he kisses you and says “I’ll talk to you soon”, it’s been 3 days since the date and no text back… should I lose hope or is he waiting for me to text him?

  31. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    If he asks why you aren’t responding, you can say that since he hasn’t asked you out, you figured he was no longer genuinely interested. Or you can tell him that texting and emailing with a man is great supplementary communication between dates and phone calls. But when a man just texts you without dates, you tend to move on.

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