He Texts Me Everyday, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

Are you having trouble understanding men and
why he texts you every day?

Understand MenYou are not alone wondering why “He texts me everyday so why doesn’t he ask me out?” This is such a constant problem for single women of any age.  I just got this email from a woman who is confused by the mixed signals she’s getting from a guy she had one date with. Maybe this has happened to you?

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“Dear Ronnie,

I had a first date with a guy two weeks ago. It went really well and I texted him the next day. He said he would love to see me, but was busy. I am having trouble understanding men.

Since then he texted me every three days. First he said he hoped he had time to see me on the weekend, so I thought he would call. At the weekend he texted me after 6 pm on Saturday and said he was with a friend, but wished he knew I was free. Three days later he texted he would like to spend time with me this weekend. I replied I would be free. On Saturday, he texted me about 8:50 pm and asked me how my day was. I texted back it was fine and he replied he spent the day painting for a friend.

Is he playing with me? Why does he hint he wants to ask me out, then does not?? Please help me with understanding men.

Thanks so much,
Texted and Confused in Missouri”

 

Dear Texted,

When a man says he wants to see you but, doesn’t make the time, its called “Stringing you along.” He is seeing someone else or a few other women, but wants to keep his options open with you in case the others don’t work out. A lot of men do this. (Women do it too.) I’ve also heard it referred to as “chatting you up” when a man calls to talk, but doesn’t ask you out.

Really its the same thing. The men who contact you with no intention of setting up a date or making time to see you are a dime a dozen.

Dating is a lot like playing poker

In addition, this guy purposefully texts you on Saturday night  to see if you are home or out. He’s doing some detective work on you. If you answered his texts right away, you communicated unwittingly that you have nothing else to do. Plus, you revealed that you are very interested and hopeful about him.

As I would tell any of my dating coaching clients, your responses have actually lowered his attraction to you. Had you been busy and responded a few hours later or the next day, that would have made him more curious about you. A woman who is busy and sought after, is always more attractive.

Dating is a lot like playing poker, you don’t want to show your hand because you give the game away. In this case, you don’t want a man to know you have nothing to do on a Saturday night or that you are more interested in him than he is in you.

Understanding Men: If He’s Truly Interested, He Will Ask You Out!

As a dating coach for over 14 years, one thing I know for sure  – when a man is truly interested in you, he will ask you out. He’ll want to see you. No matter what that man has to do, he will fit you into his schedule. So, painting “for a friend” (probably his current girlfriend) on a Saturday night would not get in his way.

My advice is to ignore his meaningless texts and let him go. But, let me warn you, ignoring him may cause his interest in you to increase. That’s because you are invoking “the chase” which men still get hooked on. The chase is still alive and well. Men like to work towards a goal.

That’s why I advise my dating coaching clients not to text, email or call a man the day after a first date. Don’t invade his space by communicating. Instead, thank him on the date and tell him you had a good time. Then, in basketball terms, drop the ball in his court and leave it there. If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball to call and ask you out.

So, if Mr. Text suddenly starts showing you more interest or calls to ask you out, please remember this. After one date he decided not to see you again and started stringing you along. Is that really the kind of guy worth dating? Is that the kind of guy you want to open your heart to? I doubt it.

Wishing you love,

he texts me everyday

 

PS. If you want help understanding men and their mixed signals, get my newsletter and my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means here

 

Photo Credit: The Unquiet Librarian

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347 thoughts on “He Texts Me Everyday, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out”

  1. Hi Ronnie,
    I have been on 4 dates with a guy, I felt that they went well and felt a connection with him. I have probably made a lot of mistakes by telling him I like him and asking him when he is free etc. So I’m not surprised that now he is saying he does not know if he wants to see each other again. The reason he says is because I’m shy?! He still messages a lot, but isn’t sure about a 5th date. what should I do? he communicates daily, but isn’t sure how he feels or if he wants to see me again?
    Thanks
    D

    Reply
    • Hi Donna, I’m thinking you want to find love and not a texting buddy. He’s already told you he’s not sure about you. The last thing you ever want is to convince a man you’re the one for him. He needs to see that for himself or you’ll always feel unappreciated and unsure of his intentions. Your best next step is to stop responding and let him go. In the future, think of the start of dating (dates 1-10 at least) like you are playing poker and never show your hand. Don’t tell a man how you feel and don’t chase him or ask him out. Most men like to pursue, so when you are overanxious or chase, you make yourself unattractive. Men get invested when they need to win you over. Positive feedback? Sure tell him you had fun or you enjoy talking to him. Just don’t tell him how you FEEL. Things tend to go better when you let a man express his feelings first.

  2. Hi,
    I met this guy a month ago. We did go out 4 times in 3 weeks. Since then he text me everyday (all day) and call me 1-2 times a day (we speak at least 1 hour a day). Yesterday He asked me to go see a movie that gonna come out in may. We didn’t see each other this week (he still call and text). He was sick and he have 4 exams next week (he is still in school) so I don’t know if that’s why he hasn’t ask me out again
    Is he really into me or is it only in my head?

    Reply
    • Hi Lydia – hard to say but I’m a little suspicious of why he’s not seeing you but has an hour to talk by phone.
      Might be stringing you along…Be careful he may be seeing someone else.

  3. Hi Ronnie,

    thanks for your advice. He finally confided in me and told me he was avoiding me because he was avoiding a reluctant and awkward conversation. It turns out his medication has affected his libido/sexual function and he’s really embarrassed about it. I told him we can work it out together and he is now back in contact. He is going to see if he can change his medication because its really bothering him. I know I need to be patient and cautious about our future. Thanks for the advice, it was nice to hear from someone while I faced the darkness.

    Reply
  4. I have been seeing someone for the past 5 months. At the beginning we decided to keep it casual but we have such a great connection that we became best friends, texting every day for hours and seeing each other twice a week. The chemistry was fantastic and he was always trying to see me if something came in our way. But in the last few weeks he has been given tablets for depression as he is not coping with finding out his daughter has bipolar. We still text every day but he has stopped asking to see me and in the last month I’ve seen him only once every two weeks. Its a dramatic change in his behaviour, although he is still there for me in the form of texts. I know he has time to see me, he is just not asking to see me and I don’t want to ask in case I push him away. I just don’t know if its a symptom of the antidepressant medication which can cause lower libido or if its me. I don’t want to ask if its me. What do I do?

    Reply
    • Hi Judy, If he is experiencing mental health challenges – depression and family issues, it’s very possible he’s simply not capable of being in a relationship right now. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong and don’t take it personally. But this kind of emotional pressure about a child takes a toll. Even if his libido is lower that’s no excuse for not getting together so something bigger is at work here. You may want to face the facts that this is no longer a viable relationship. If and when he’s feeling better, he may come back to you, but I wouldn’t count on it. In the meantime, look for a new man who’s life is in better shape to handle the kind of close relationship you want.

  5. I have been on 2 dates with a Aquarius guy and I am a Sagittarius woman! We connected instantly on the first date. Couldn’t stop kissing each other he was staring in my eyes. The last time we saw each other was in November 10. But he texts me every Morning “good morning ? and good night and sweet dreams? he even told me he miss me! If he doesn’t go see his grand son out of town who just got out of the hospital then we will go out and he says he will let me know ASAP! Does it seem like this guy is truly interested? He even texts me to ask how was my day and tells me how his day was. His cousin have a Down syndrome and was on a ventalator and the doctor pulled it but now is slowly coming around

    Reply
    • Hi Terri, Sorry, but no, he’s not serious about you. No man would let a month go by if he were really into you. He’d want to see you face-to-face for more of those kisses and spend time getting to know you. Nothing is lazier than those “good morning – sweet dream” texts! He’s likely sending them to several women. Texting is MEANINGLESS regarding a man’s true interest if you aren’t dating. Yes, he stays in touch but that’s for his ego, not to be with you. It’s already been almost a month with no second date, so seeing him again is extremely unlikely. And if you do, do you want to wait another month for a third date? No way! Move on and look for a man who shows real interest by asking you out on dates. This guy is wasting your time and sadly stringing you along.

  6. Dear Ronnie,

    I’ve been seeing someone for 5 months who I really like and want to be in a serious relationship. But, for the last month he asked to see me only two times. He’s going out with friends on weekends and not making time for me but messages daily. I told him I like him and asked what he thinks about us. He said he doesn’t know and may have to move temporarily for work. He’s unsure if I’d be ok with that if we become serious. I asked if he wants to stop seeing me and he said, “No. We’ll see how things go between us.” I this a non committal statement because he hasn’t asked to see me? I don’t know what to do … is he just saying that to keep me around as a convenience ? I’m not sure if I should continue to stick around to see what happens, or say this isn’t what I want and leave, being very hurt. Thank you

    Reply
    • Hi Q, Most men, when asked, “Do you still want to see me?” will say yes. They don’t want to hurt your feelings directly. They rather disappear slowly and hope you leave on your own. Men make excuses about work when hey are trying to wiggle out of seeing you. I can’t say if he thinks you are just a convenience, but here’s what I can tell you. This is NOT the behavior of a man with strong interest. If he were in love and serious, he would make time for you no matter what. So you’re instincts are good. Breaking up will hurt but it’s the best thing because you save face and keep your dignity. When you break up, you are in charge, not subject to his whims. I’m sure you can find a better guy who wants to build a relationship with you.

  7. Hello Ronnie,
    I would like your opinion please. I met someone at work who asked me to go for coffee. The first meeting was good. After, he pm’d on fb every 10 days. I did not initiate anything, only replied. We had coffee three times. His interest to me was romantic. I sent him a Christmas pm and he did not even read it so I deleted him from fb contacts. On Valentines’s day he sent me his picture. I replied the pic was good and explained why I deleted him. He said it was all a misunderstanding and suggested we go for coffee to clear our misunderstanding. We became friends again on fb. He sent me pm’s every 7 days. Today, I met him in market and his behavior was cold. He told me to arrange a date to discuss. I said he is the one who should arrange a date with me. I am confused, is he interested in me? Does he love himself too much? Thank you in advance!

    Reply
    • Hi Juliana, All this time and just 3 coffees? No he is not serious about you at all. He is wasting your time. FB is not the way a man who is seriously interested in you communicates. He is lazy and hasn’t even asked you out on a real date! Stop bothering with him. Unfriend him again and move on. He’s not emotionally available and does not want a relationship.

  8. Ronnie, is it possible a guy can like you but he doesn’t move forward because you are recently widowed? I have not seen this addressed anywhere.

    Reply
    • Ms. Anon – Probably not unless he senses you are not ready. Are you ready? Or have you talked a lot about your deceased husband? That could be a turn off for sure. If not, then he’s not stepping up to date you because he DOESN’T WANT TO. Some men just want to text or talk and nothing more. So no, I don’t think it’s because you are a recent widow.

  9. I started dating a guy who had a crush on me for 5 years. I had no idea. We dated for a month. I started to develop strong feelings for him. He stated he didn’t want to girlfriend, he just wanted to have fun. I cut the relationship off because I was going to get hurt and we parted ways. A couple days ago (2 years later), he texted saying he was thinking about me and asked how I was doing. I was quite surprised and we texted for at least 20 minutes. After that he stopped responding. A week later I asked him if he’d like to go out for drinks if not involved. He never responded. Need an opinion. Jan

    Reply

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