Over 50 Dating: Are You Waiting to Find a Man?

Waiting to Find a Man is Not a Strategy to Bring Love into Your Life

Stop Waiting Patiently to Find a Man

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I am a 53 year single female, rather attractive and outgoing.  I would love a date.  I have not been on a date or even met anyone since 2010.  I was a relationship with a reverend who was trying to decide between me another woman. He told me she seemed like a better fit!  However, I am in a great place in my spirit, and I’m not desperate, but I would love to feel the butterflies you get when you go on a date; maybe two.  

I get up every day feeling excited about the possibilities life is offering me.  I have gone back to school to get my master’s degree.  I was married for 25 years, and my ex decided he wanted a younger, more financially stable woman than me.  “OK, I get it!”  

Now I don’t know what to do to change my situation.  I am trying to take dance classes when it doesn’t interfere with my work load.  I will start Toastmasters tomorrow so I can get more comfortable speaking in public arenas.  I am trying to work out more to increase good endorphins and stay positive.  However, I still have no dates and no prospects for any?!   Please advice me what to do.  

Thank you for caring about women like myself,
Patiently Waiting

 

Dear Patiently Waiting,

Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear about your reverend – sounds like another blog post all by itself! Church-side drama.

From your email, I cannot tell if you are doing anything at all to meet men. I know you must be busy with school etc., but making time to date is crucial for meeting men. How can you meet men if you don’t go out?

I want to be honest with you since you have asked for my help. Dance class will not likely help you find a date. Single men rarely sign up for these things. And the men who do sign up are often not looking for a relationship. I don’t know why this is, but I do know that it is true.

Now, here’s the real thing I want to address with you. You mention that you are waiting patiently to find a man to date. This is not a sound strategy to find a loving partner!  There is no power in patiently waiting to find a man – its a completely passive activity.

As a single midlife woman who wants love in her life, its your job to get out there and mingle. You have to be seen by men and cross paths with enough of them to help you meet men or find love. To meet more men, you need to go where the men are.

Where to Find a Man this Fall:

  • Watch Monday night football or the World Series in a local pub
  • Go to singles event
  • Try online dating
  • Ask friends to set you up
  • Go to a singles dance

Much to my chagrin, I have learned that an enormous number of woman wait patiently, hoping they will meet men. But they  DON’T GOT OUT TO MEET MEN. This is the best dating advice I can give you, because without meeting men, they cannot ask you out. How can you expect to sit home and pray or do your affirmations and think the men will materialize in your presence?

To go to grad school, you had to apply right? Well, to meet men you also have to apply – and that means get out there to mingle.

What I find most disturbing is how many women want a man in their lives, want a loving relationshi0p, and complain they never meet anyone interesting. But, if I ask them what they’re doing about this, I quickly discover they AREN’T DOING ANYTHING to meet men.

Wondering How to Find a Man?

Break away from the pack of women who hope, but are not active. Get out there, mingle, flirt, strike up conversations and interact with as many men as possible. This is how you will find a date, feel those heart flutters you long for and enjoy the love of a good man. Stop the patiently waiting bit and get moving.

Once you start meeting men, then you’ll need to be patient about finding a GOOD one. Perseverance is required. It’s being patient alone at home that is not a strategy for romantic success.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

 

 Photo Credit: Tyler-S

 

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