I could use some tips for speed dating.
I’m 45, divorced, and attending my first speed dating evening next week. Other than the obvious (be open, friendly, charming, smile, dress femininely, etc.) do you have any specific advice on how I can make myself stand out from what I assume will be a room full of women behaving exactly the same as I?
I’ve been on a few date so far and they’ve all lead to the man asking for a second and third date, so your class and blog advice has worked well! I’m a happy, outgoing person by nature which is why I don’t understand why I’m nervous?
Thanks for any insight and suggestions,
–Anxious Speed Dater
Dear Anxious SP,
First, let me say a big THANK YOU for your comments about my class and blog. I’m so glad to hear you have found it helpful!
Feeling Nervous Is Normal
As a dating coach for women over 40, I can tell you that feeling a little nervous is completely normal. Part of you might be thinking and feeling is, “pick me, pick me!” right? Who wouldn’t think this way? So don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone goes through this.
Tips for Speed Dating
Regarding how to stand out – here’s the sure fire way to do that. Do not “interview” the men. They hate this and most women just can’t seem to help themselves. So, women who would otherwise be friendly and fun to talk to, shift gears and fire questions at the guy about why he’s single, why his last relationship broke up, why he got divorced, etc. Trust me – that does not make for a fun conversation!
While there is a need to know answers to these important questions, a speed dating event is not the place for this detective work. neither is a first date! When women or men do this at an initial meeting, they come off as too serious, unfriendly and sometimes just plain rude. But not fun, light-hearted, easy going or confident.
At a speed dating event, I recommend just having fun in the moment and trying to enjoy the conversation. See if you can connect and get each other’s sense of humor. If you can master this, you will get second and third dates.
By the way, if you do show up at the event as “open, friendly, charming, smile, femininely dressed”, you will not be like “all the other women” by any means. These things put you head and shoulders above many of the women who will be there.
How can I say such a thing? Well it’s been my sad experience that countless women don’t think they need to do anything differently. They aren’t conscious of what it takes to interact with men and show up a good romantic partner for men. So they fail and don’t get asked out for this reason.
So even if you are just “open, friendly, charming, smile, femininely dressed” as you put it, this gives you plenty of advantage! Add that to actually giving the men half a chance and your have just sky-rocketed your chances of making a connection.
Ronnie Ann Ryan
The Dating Coach
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