I am just out of a relationship, but I have fallen hard for my best friend. The thing is, after my breakup, he showed interest and took me out several times. We slept together once too. After that, it was a bit awkward for a few days – we couldn’t stop thinking about it.
We talk regularly now, but ever since sleeping together, he’s started to encourage me to get back with my boyfriend. He tells me he loves me and cares for me, but keeps cancelling our dates. This is so disappointing! How do I get him interested in me once again?
Thanks for your help,
Laura in Oxford
How can you get him back? This is one of the most frequent dating questions there is.
There’s only one way to possibly get him back and regain a man’s interest in you. Unfortunately. there is no guarantee that it will work for sure. It’s just that this is your only option but it may or may not work. and there is only one way to find out which is to give it a try.
Here’s the solution to get him back:
Pull away, make yourself less available and even a bit scarce.
Let me share an analogy to help you understand this essential strategy. I call this the Ballroom Dancing Theory of Dating. There is one leader and one follower in ballroom dancing with the man as the leader right? So when he takes a step forward, you take a step back. And then you are dancing!
Now the same thing is true for being in a relationship. If you pursue a man, try to convince him, keep talking to him about this, or reach after him, you are taking the step forward? Do you see what I mean? So, according to the Ballroom Theory of Dating, if you do anything to get him back, your man will naturally…take a step back like in dancing and withdraw.
Pursuing him further in any way will not work and in fact will make him withdraw further. as your dating coach, I’m thinking that is certainly not what you want!
However, if he misses you and wonders what is going on with you because he hasn’t heard from you, this could create a desire for him to get in touch and might bring him back.
Why He Might Have Pulled Away
1. Keep in mind that it’s possible your friend regrets crossing the line in your friendship. So he still might not want to get involved. 2. Another possibility is that you became too needy, clingy or emotionally reliant on him after being intimate. Could that be true? That can scare a man away very quickly, even if you’ve been friends for a long time. It feels different to him even though it felt perfectly natural for you.
For you to pull away might feel very hard right now, but it’s the best piece of relationship advice any expert can give you. And more than that, it’s the only one that has a chance of working. Talking about it will definitely not help, and can in fact push him away even further.
My Dating Advice on How You Can Get Him Back
Put some distance between the two of you. Don’t answer every call or respond in 24 hours like you usually do. Same goes for emails or texts. Give him the chance to:
- Miss you
- Wonder what happened to you
- Think about what you are doing
- Feel curious to find out if you went somewhere
- Wonder who you might be talking to instead of him
If and when he does start to pursue you again, and he starts asking questions, do not tell him why you pulled away. Your job is to appear confident and completely fine without him. This will make him more interested when he doesn’t feel you are going to immediately return to clinging to him. And, if you must discuss things, keep it short, simple and without a lot of emotion. Than can help to draw him back in.
Most of all, if you want to know how you can get him back, you must avoid any big emotional scene. That will make your friend want to run in the opposite direction. He doesn’t want to be responsible for your happiness or healing. That is up to you as it should be.
Wishing you love,