Broken Hearted After One Date? Here’s the Solution

My Broken Heart After One Date, Keeps Me from Looking from Love

Broken Hearted After One Date?

Have you been broken hearted after just meeting a man who seemed promising?

Broken HeartedCeleste’s  Story
Celeste was finally ready to put her toe in the water and try dating again. She wanted the companionship, the romance and to share her life with a good man.

She went online and met this guy who seemed like he had real potential. The conversation took off easily. He showed a lot of interest immediately and she felt really optimistic. At the end of the conversation, he asked about her kids. She said she had three young children and he replied he wasn’t into that, was sorry, then got off the phone.

Celeste was enraged. How could he do that? He was the perfect man for her and said all those nice things. She was broken hearted.

Broken Hearted – Nadine’s Story
Nadine met a guy at Starbucks. He started flirting with her , took her number and called a few times. She had one fabulous date  and then…he disappeared. At first she thought he’d pop back in. But the days turned into weeks confusing her and making her feel really angry and hurt. She was also broken hearted

Both these situations ruined dating for Celeste and Nadine and they don’t want to date at this time. They don’t trust themselves or men. Can you relate to these stories?

You feel betrayed, lied to, ripped off! The guy you met came on strong and made promises about the future. He made you think he was really interested. And now – nothing! You could just scream. You are so broken hearted. Did I hit a nerve?

I have heard this exact same story from several women this week. It made me feel sad that I couldn’t seem to help these women. I am amazed at how many women in their 40’s and 50’s give up after just one man.

This is an emotional epidemic about:

Premature Attachment

Yes, after one call or one date (or sometimes three dates) women mistakenly think they found a life partner. Not just a man to date and get to know to see what happens.

Broken Hearted Means Emotionally Invested Before You Know Him

Instead, women emotionally project a future after one conversation or date. They get invested miles down the road which explains why you would feel so devastated and broken hearted over the loss after only one date or call.

Broken Hearted My Story
Trust me, I understand this problem more than you know. When I was 36, I had several dates with Steve who I thought  was “The One.” Our time together was so magical. He made plans for a Broadway show weekend. Sounded dreamy.

Being a straightforward person, I took him at face value and thought he meant it. Why would it not be real? Who would do that? Turns out Steve would. I never saw him again. I then WASTED 4 YEARS OF MY YOUTH till I was 40 before I got back out there to meet men and date again.

What is the solution?

Adopt a “Wait and See” Strategy and Remain

Happily Neutral

 

You cannot allow yourself to get prematurely attached or emotionally invested. An open heart is important for dating, but don’t just give it away! You must stay happily neutral to wait and see until you better understand his intentions. That requires weeks of consistency as you get to know the guy. He may still disappoint you, but the Wait and See Strategy will help you through it all. It worked for me and kept me dating through every disappointing man until I met the 30th man, my husband Paul.

6 responses on “Broken Hearted After One Date? Here’s the Solution

  1. Nath

    Women have to avoid premature attachment. But why do men lie?!? If they are not into you for more than just a date, why do they lie and tell you they like you or act as if they like you. Why do they discuss future vacations together and, going out and then Ghost after they’ve been dating you for 2 months. Do guys never heard about being honest?

  2. Ronnie Post author

    Hi Theresa, I’m going to make this an entirely new blog post but one thing I’ll say on this page is totally true, but clearly not going to make you happy. Here goes – there are no short cuts. Meeting and getting to know men takes time. People in midlife have more baggage and emotional scars and the more life experience you have, the pickier people get. The only way is to meet men, see if you enjoy each other and are compatible. A list of perfect interview questions doesn’t mean the men will answer you truthfully or find that very appealing. It seems like it should be that easy, but what in life is?

  3. Theresa

    I’ve just read the blog and it sort of answers the question I just wrote to Ronnie before reading this. My question to her was: “Ok, I’ve started dating again and in my 50’s I don’t feel that I can waste a lot of time in go no where relationships or guys that are just after sex. I asked “what are some questions to ask on the first several dates to sort of “weed out” guys that aren’t looking for a ‘relationship’ – how do we know when they are just after sex? How do we know about their past or present.”

    There are many cheaters out there in present relationships, either married or with girlfriends, who pursue “us” – other women. In my last 3 relationships, if you can call them that, the first I gave up on cause his rating on a romance meter (if I had hooked him up to one) was mediocre at best. After knowing him for 2 months I knew he didn’t want anything more than just some physical “fun”.

    The second man seemed truly decent. Seemed like a normal guy. But after the second date he texted me, “we have a few things we need to talk about”! After 2 dates? One was that I was late meeting him half way in Danbury on date 2; and the other was that I went out for a few puffs of my electronic cigarette (very briefly) during dinner. No it was not a romantic dinner. Rather casual and I believe it was in between courses. I told him I didn’t need to hear any of the ‘other stuff” and told him if there are issues after 2 dates then we’re not compatible. We live about 40 miles apart, a difficult enough in itself. There are moments that I say, wow, I need a break from this dating business but I don’t really feel that way. I’ve only recently gotten back into it and I’m NOT GIVING UP after just a couple of guys.

    If I live by Ronnie’s approach, I’ll have to go through many more guys till I meet the ‘right’ one. Or maybe it won’t be 30, maybe it will be the 3rd, but I do believe if I give up I’ll be as lonely and single as I have been in this last decade. It’s hard, risky. But I do feel as many other single women of my age, that it is easy to become disillusioned because in many respects,there doesn’t seem to be many “good guys” out there looking for a good solid, one on one relationship which is what “I want”. Is that too much to ask?

  4. Ronnie Post author

    M – there is just no way to know in advance if a man is worthwhile. It takes time and observation. The alternative is not to date. That won’t work either.

    If you learn something, if you had fun, these two things are not a waste of time. While its true not every relationship becomes the long-term dream, that does not mean it had no meaning or value. When you think that way, that’s when you are not willing to be vulnerable and try meeting new people and dating. And that I can promise will keep you single for sure.

    Dating requires risk – that is the plain and simple truth.

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