Don’t Call Him – 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Pick Up the Phone

Should you call him? If you are struggling with picking up the phone – don’t call him! Find out why you lose when you cave first.

Don’t Call Him – How Women Over 40 Push Men Away

Don't Call Him
Don’t Call Him

Do you feel compelled to call a man you have just started to date to tell him what a great time you had? Or maybe to see why he hasn’t called you? Or maybe to tell him something or say hello because you’re thinking about him? You may have these impulses, but I advise my dating coaching clients not to call.

As a dating coach for women over 40, I’ve noticed a trend emerging in the last 10 years. Women are bolder about communicating with men. With the workplace equality we enjoy today and so many women in power jobs, there is a new belief that the communication style that works in business is appropriate for dating as well.

Too bad that’s not true. Let me explain.

You see in business, being direct is often the best policy. Just say what needs to be said to be very clear and get things done. This approach is completely appropriate for business, but sorry to say, not for dating. Not if you want to keep your man interested.

As you move into the relationship phase, the situation will change again and more direct communication is possible. But, during the initial dating phase, the first 4 to 10 dates, being direct is a wrong turn that can cause your man to lose interest and worse – withdraw!

Don’t Call Him – To call him is to enter his world uninvited

I’ve spoken to lots of men about calling. When you contact a man by calling, emailing or texting, you are entering his private world. You may think you’re being nice or showing interest and a small percentage of guys might not mind. However, the majority of men say they don’t like it. Most men prefer to call and pursue you.

Here’s why it’s better to leave initiating communication in his hands:

1. Don’t call him because you no longer know when he would have called you. This is crucial information because it lets you know about his interest level. One to two days – very interested; 7 days – not so interested. But when you call him, you now have no idea what he would have done on his own – and that’s the only thing that really matters.

2. Don’t call him because you minimize your mystery. You want a man to wonder about you – what you might be doing. How you spend your time. When you start communicating with him, you let him know you aren’t busy. What’s not readily available is always more attractive – this is the plain and simple truth about attraction.

3. Don’t call him because he might misinterpret this as desperation. Any hint of desperation works against you. A woman worth her salt is busy and occupied. Men like the chase and when you have a rich, full life and leave the calling to him, your appeal goes up.

4. Don’t call him because he might see you as invading his privacy. The man cave is a private space and you shouldn’t approach him there until invited into his world. Even emailing and texting can be problematic. Some women insist on a text the next day to say thank you. I’ll give you this one, although I don’t think it’s necessary. But too much back and forth makes you appear to be an over communicator! Not an attractive trait by any means.

Sometimes there are men who like a texting relationship. This can be a tip off  – he might be controlling, very needy, or seeking a fantasy relationship. Just because he contacts you often doesn’t mean you have to respond right away or with the same frequency. A little resistance helps pique his interest if he’s a frequent texter.

The best thing you can do is not call him. Early on, leave all the initiating up to the man. The calling, the emailing, the asking out, etc. The most power you have is to not be available – that makes him want you more. Don’t squander this precious source of magnetism.

I hope I have convinced you not to call him, but if not, read Rhonda Findling’s book Don’t Call That Man. It’s excellent and focuses also on not calling a man after a breakup.

Want more insightful dating advice? Download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make that Keep You Single and get my newsletter too. Or find out if coaching is for you with a free Dating Discovery Session by phone or Skype

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34 thoughts on “Don’t Call Him – 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Pick Up the Phone”

  1. Pingback: When He Doesn't Call For Days, What Can I Do? Understandng Men
  2. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past one year and six months and the relationship has been great. I will be 34 next month and talked to him about us been married but seems he is slow about taking this decision..He never talks about us settling down or our future together.Though since dating him ,he has been showing some maturity and responsibility. Even he got a new house furnished it and always want me to come around. I want to stop picking his calls to make him see how serious I am about settling down. Not picking his calls, is it a right decision to take?
    Kindly help. Thanks

    Reply
    • Hi Maureen, Not taking his calls after a year? That’s not a good strategy – that’s for people who are just dating. You need to ask him directly if he sees a future with you and when you might marry if he does. If he avoids that discussion or won’t answer, that means he doesn’t want to settle down. maybe not with you or maybe not with anyone. So you will have to make a decision. How long might I wait around for this guy or should I move on to find a man who wants to marry? If he avoids having the conversation or won’t give you a straight answer, you are going to have to break up and find a new boyfriend. Or you risk wasting years of your life on a non-committal man

  3. I met a guy that stays out of town we constantly talk on the phone. Well we decided to meet for a weekend in a mutual town. On the date we were suppose to arrive I called him and received no answer. I called several more times and nothing. I finally called the next day and I get a text. No not explaining something happened or anything just a text saying he will call me later. We exchanged several texts after that but I still haven’t gotten a phone call or heard from him since that next day. What happened?

    Reply
    • Hi J,This man like talking on the phone with you and maybe some texting. But clearly, he didn’t want to actually meet you since that didn’t happen and he didn’t explain himself. He never will because he doesn’t want to tell you that he doesn’t look like his photo. Or that he’s married and was enjoying a fantasy with you without actually cheating. Or that he’s not capable of anything more than talking by phone and has deep intimacy issues. I”m sure there are other reason like this. And let’s face it – he’s a bit of a coward and rude to boot because he could have given you an excuse and cancelled rather than ghost and say nothing.

      So the good news is that he disappeared now vs wasting more of your time and you are free to date again. Please read this post on why he asked me out but cancelled and this one on why LDRs don’t work and you’ll get the full picture of why you should look for love locally instead.

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