How Can I Feel More Positive About Myself?
Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,
I read your newsletter all the time, wish I could find someone special and go out and have a nice time. So many events on Meetup.com and other places look fun. But when you are 55, single, female, unsure of your looks, and must go alone, is it safe, especially the dances? Self talk always talks me out of going. Looking forward to your advice.
Lonely in Louisville
Self doubt can happen at any age, not just over 50. That’s why this dating advice is really for any single woman who manages to always talk herself out of taking steps to find love.
1. Your Safety
Regarding safety, singles dances are perfectly safe. Just don’t get into a man’s car who you don’t know or tell anyone where you live or work. That keeps you on a first name only basis which is relatively anonymous and safe.
These are usually well-attended events with big parking lots. You should be fine.
The same thing is true for other singles events. Sometimes Match.com has events, but also meetup.com and many other organizations. They are usually in high-traffic places with plenty of people, so you are safe.
2. Your Looks
If you are unsure about your looks, do something to feel better. Start with some pampering which always makes you feel better!
Get a new outfit – one that makes you feel sexy. Ask for help from an image consultant to learn what are the best colors and styles to flatter you.
Change your hair or get a makeover. Exercise more often or work with a trainer to get in shape. Join a gym and take classes so you aren’t exercising alone.
All of these suggestions help build confidence in your looks.
3. Your Self Talk
As for talking yourself out of what you want, I know how that can be. It really stinks and keeps you stuck. It makes it feel like you will never find your way out of being single.
But here’s the good news – you can turn that into positive self talk easily with a little practice. Your ego is just trying to keep you safe. That’s its job. Yet, it will never let you try something new which will keep you from moving forward. What’s the way out – find a new self talk speech!
20 Ideas for Positive Self Talk!
So when you start to talk yourself out of going out to meet men, try this. Say to yourself, “What if I could…”
- Go to a singles dance by myself
- Only have to stay for one hour if I hate it
- Leave any time, so I will be safe
- Hang in there for one hour or more – you never know
- Build confidence if I stay
- Practice being friendly
- Survive, and thrive to try again
- Meet new single women friends
- Feel good about myself for taking a chance
- Dance up a storm with some men
- Talk to a nice guy
- Practice and improve my flirting
- Get more comfortable with trying to mingle
- See that I am fully capable
- Discover that its not that bad
- Find parts of being there that I enjoy
- Have a man ask me to dance
- Meet a man who wants my number
- Meet a man who makes me laugh
- Have fun and want to go again!
All of these statements are positive and possible!
Plus, these statements are examples of positive self talk which is new for you and a great tool to build confidence. Encouraging, positive, supportive, helpful words.
Guess what – you get to decide what you want to think about. Yes, it is your choice.
Even if your ego keeps interrupting this new positive way of thinking, interrupt it right back! Feed your ego more statements about the good things that are possible when you step beyond your comfort zone.
Your Comfort Zone Kills Your Dreams
Nothing will happen when you are safe in your comfort zone. But, when you take calculated social risks, even one step at a time, you will gain confidence, strength, and the skills to reach out and meet new people.
This is your reward. There are men who have been longing to meet a woman just like you. Go meet them half way by getting out there because the right man won’t come knocking at your door.
Nope. You have to go OUT AND MINGLE so he can find you.
Will You Help a Quality Man Find You?
When you look at it this way, does it make you wonder what you could possibly be waiting for? I sure hope so because this is the truth.
So, stop getting in your own way. Use the positive self talk to be supportive of yourself and get out there to find the love you want and deserve.
Wishing you love,