I recently got together with a friend from high school. She found me on Facebook and we chatted, then decided to have lunch. Her fiance joined us for part of our reunion lunch and I learned something very interesting from him that I want to share with you.
Matt is an outspoken, social guy with a big smile. What he had to say really stuck with me. It all started when I explained what I do for work. Matt got quite a kick out of the idea of me being a dating coach. Then he shared with me what he feels all men need from the women they are with. It was an eye-opener and yet it made complete sense to me.
All men need these three things from women for a good relationship:
I think there is a tremendous amount of truth to this statement. Have you ever noticed that most men have rather fragile egos? That’s what makes them crave praise. If a man does something you like and you want to see more of that behavior, praise him for it! man’s behavior that you really like, so you can get more of it. The first two A’s – appreciation and acknowledgement are forms of praise right?
Now the definition of affection is loosely connected to sex I’m quite sure. But it can be an expression of love from a good hug to in between the sheets. The desire for touch is a basic human need. We all need it – from hugs to kisses to more. Affection and sex are part of a healthy lifestyle. I’m sure I’m not going to get too many arguments from women on this one right?
So, I’m wondering, do you appreciate men? Do you acknowledge them? And do you share your affection with them?
A lot of what I have read about understanding men insists that men are easy and women are complicated. Personally I think that’s true. But easy doesn’t mean obvious. The biggest problem in understanding for women with men is that most of us use our own way of thinking to decipher men’s actions. But this leads down a path of interpretation that is often far from the truth.
You see, women tend to measure a man’s actions against the bench mark of what they pr their girlfriends would do. When you think about it this way, you can see the error in this logic. Men just don’t think the same way women do. That’s why understanding men can seem difficult.
Instead, it can help a lot to really listen to what men say AND don’t say. For example. most men who are not interested in a relationship will likely tell you that straight out. However, women tend to believe this won’t be true for them. “When he gets to know me, things will be different and he’ll want to be in a relationship with me.” This is how women make understanding men complicated when its really easy. Simply believe what a man tells you and take it for the real truth.
A different example illustrates meaning from a lack of communication. Don’t think you are in an exclusive relationship unless a man tells you he wants that. I advise my dating coaching clients to think the guy you are dating is likely to be seeing other women until he tells you other wise. Just expect this to be true and you can make understanding men so much easier.
And to motivate a man to want to be in a relationship with you, try meeting these three needs. Let him know why you appreciate him, acknowledge him for what he does and express your affection for him at whatever level feels right depending on how long you’ve been seeing each other.
If you do this, I guarantee you will be light years ahead of other women since most do not do this. And when he feels good about choosing you and being with you, he will be more likely to make the commitment you want.