Dating Over 40: Getting Stood Up

Getting Stood Up

Have you ever been stood up?

It’s not fun at all. When this happens, it brings up so many emotions like embarrassment, anger, and despair. Who would sign up for that? No one that I know. So what cause people to stand up a date? You might be:

  • Too chicken to cancel
  • Wanting to avoid conflict
  • Not wanting to deal with it
  • Thinking the person isn’t worth the trouble
  • Feeling bad about yourself
  • Coming to your senses about your date

I probably couldn’t capture all the reasons. It’s hard to say what motivates people to do the things they do. If you try, you are just guessing really because you will never really know. Which, to be honest, is a waste of time isn’t it? Does it really matter why someone stands you up? Not really. The only thing that matters is that you have found out in a quick and unpleasant way, that your date was not right for you.

Now, if women hate getting stood up, why would they do it to a man? Do you think for one minute women don’t do this? Ha! Yes they do. I hope its not you though.

Have You Stood Up a Man?

One of my male dating coaching clients told me he’s been stood up several times in the last two weeks. He’s also had women cancel within minutes of a date. This hurt him deeply. And made him angry and frustrated. I’m sure you can relate if you  yourself have been stood up.

If You Want Men to Treat You Well…

You know how they say, “What goes around, comes around”? I have found this to be remarkably true. That is why I do my best to treat people the way I want to be treated. And that is what I am asking of you. If you want men to treat you well, please start by:

1. Treating yourself well.
Take care of yourself. Have self respect. Speak of yourself well to others (no putting yourself down). Talk to yourself kindly All these things matter significantly. The better you are at treating yourself well, the more others will treat you well too. 🙂

2. Treat men well.
Yes, please treat men the way you want to be treated. It’s simply not OK to flake on a guy for any reason. Give him the courtesy of advance notice. No one should be left sitting there alone wondering where their date is. Not you. And not him either.

Standing up a date is rude and unnecessary. Send him a text or email him at least 24 hours in advance. Let him know that you can’t make it. No further explanation is needed. Just the courtesy of being told you won’t be meeting him. Its what you would want, so be considerate and just do it.


photo credit: Ed Yourdon



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