This is Part 2 of a 3-part series on seemingly innocent dating errors that are actually huge mistakes that often push or scare men away. Its time to start thinking about your actions from more than what’s convenient for you. As your dating coach I am here to say it’s time to get STRATEGIC about your dating efforts and date with intention.
Here’s the next Turnoff out of three in this series about Online Dating blunders:
You’ve connected via email. Now he’s taken that important next step and called you!
He gets you on the phone and you have a good, but short conversation. You are in a rush/bad mood/tired/stressed out and don’t want a big long conversation. Since he knows you are ending the call, he takes a risk and asks to get together. You like him, but decide to tell him the flat out truth – you are just too busy right now.
WHAT??? Really? You are too busy to meet a man you like who has potential? That is a perfect demonstration of not aligning your desire with your actions.
There are several bad choices here that I’m going to point out:
1. If you are interested in meeting men, then you better have time to date.
Why go through the motions of emailing and calling if you don’t have time to get together face-to-face? This makes absolutely no sense. If you decide to date, then make it a priority. Otherwise you risk sending mixed messages that keep you from connecting. I guarantee it.
Strategically, if you really are too busy to date, put it off completely until you are ready to commit to making dating a priority in your life.
2. Do Not Put Him Off or Say You Are Busy
When you encounter a man who seems like he has potential – do not put him off! This is a very fragile timing because interest can be so tenuous. The littlest things can set a person off and make a promising situation go south quickly. I’m not saying you should drop everything – I don’t believe in that.
However, men don’t want to feel like you need to get out a shoehorn to squeeze them into your life. This is what I call “giving out crumbs”. This is a turnoff for women when men are scarce and not very available – and guess what? Men don’t like it either!
Strategically, tell him when you ARE free to see him which focuses on your interest in him – not your lack of time for him.
3. Flat Out Honesty Is Not Appropriate
Blunt honesty will not serve you well at this point. Remember dating is like a job interview in many respects where you want to highlight your best side. A man’s ego is fragile and must be handled with care. If you tell him you are too busy because it’s true, he could easily conclude you are not interested. Why? Because that’s what women say who are not interested!
Strategically, you want to think about the risk of rejection he’s facing and reassure him that you are interested.
What can you say? If you have to push the first meeting out into the future, try this:
“I would love to meet you. How about Thursday at 7pm” Give him a concrete time and if he can’t make it – he’ll counter. Do what you can to not make any excuses, just tell him when you are free with in the next 7 days. Sooner is better of course. And if you can’t meet him within seven days – then do your best whatever that is.
If you missed the first part of this series, click here to read it. And watch for the third part on Tuesday.
Photo Credit: The Cynthia