Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach
I believe I will be forever single. I was in a 10-year bad relationship which is not over. I have dated on and off for several years, but never intentionally looking for a life partner. Just recently, on vacation to Jamaica, I met this man and we fell in love. He has come to see me at Christmas time, I have gone to see him twice, he paid for half my fare both times.
We want to be together and in fact I went there to find work. The recession is everywhere soooo I couldn’t find work as a teacher with two Masters degrees and being Bilingual. He can’t come here cause his parents are up in age, he has a 23 and 19 year old he is responsible for, plus he has a small business. Needless to say, I’m still single the one time I know it’s right.
The problem is, we are friends and talk all the time. I’ve tried dating but no sparks fly as I have become a workaholic to fill the empty space in my heart. Ronnie, do you have any advise for me to get me out of this no-win situation?
My heart goes out to you because this is such a difficult situation. Long distance relationships can be hard. But, they can also work out!
I know of two couples personally who had long distance relationships that worked out very well. They took a shot and made it happen. One woman lived in Boston and her guy lived in France – they met on vacation. After four years of dating across the Atlantic, he moved to the states and they married. It has been a rewarding, loving, and lasting partnership. They have a beautiful daughter and started a French import business together.
The second was guy I know from New York City. One day while surfing the web, he found an British artist’s website he was completely wowed by. He emailed her with no agenda beyond talking about her art. Eventually, he flew to England where they met and fell in love. She lives here now and they are also happily married.
If you love each other, save up and visit as often as you can until you CAN find work. Don’t give up! I’m not sure I understand, why you have given up? Could it be your outlook and belief that you will be forever single? What would happen if you shifted your attitude to, “We’re going to make this work”?
There are many things that could happen to facilitate the two of you being together. First of all, jobs come up all the time. So why not keep on looking, rather than give up? Second, what else could you do with two masters degrees besides teach? Maybe you need to be a little bit creative. Third, sometimes things happen out of the blue that we never would never have expected or anticipated that help us live our dreams. That’s what can happen with the conviction that things will work out
Many people have found a way to be together. I realize the economy is bad, but I would think, where there is a will there is a way. If this is the love of your life, find a way!
On the other hand, if you feel that you will not likely be together, then the only way to heal your empty heart is to stop communicating with this man. It would be nearly impossible to look for a new love, when you are attached and in love with this man. You can always pick up your friendship again later, once you feel less attached. But, if you truly want love with someone new, you will need to free yourself up. Continuing to be in close contact with this man will keep you connected and in love for sure.
Let me encourage you to look for another way to be together. And in the meantime, save up to visit.
Wishing you love,
Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach
Photo Credit: xlibber