Do Your Feathers Get Ruffled by the Way Men Talk to You?


The Dating Goddess


I read a great post on the Dating Goddess’s blog about what language choice has to say about who your date is. I think there is a lot of information in how a person expresses him or herself and much that we can learn.

The Dating Goddess (DG) is a very successful business consultant whose work takes her around the world. She’s also an award winning blogger on the topic of dating. As an independent woman she brings up this very interesting topic and shares how she prefers that men make requests rather than issue commands. Overall, I tend to agree.

DG shares an example out of song that plays during a workout from her gym. The line in the song says” Slide on over here baby” which in terms of English structure is a command vs. a request. The lyric doesn’t ask the woman to slide over, but tells her directly what he wants. DG points out that some women might consider this a request because the woman doesn’t have to do as he says –  she is free to choose to comply or not.

In addition, the Dating Goddess admits there is a sliding scale on commands. In other words, a couple of commands can be endured, but there is a tipping point when this type of communication becomes unappealing. Agreed! She also acknowledges that some might think a man asking a question is not as masculine. Depends on the command and how its delivered.

Here’s my response to DG and I’d love to hear what you think as well so please share below.

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DG – I agree that you can tell a lot about a person from their use of language. I also think there’s a time and place for everything.

Instead of your “slide on over here baby” example, let’s look at a different one. What if a man asks, “Can I kiss you?” Some women might be fine with that. However, many would feel awkward. They’d prefer he just took a shot to kiss rather than making them say “Yes” first before he plants his lips.

I get it that independent women don’t want to be ordered around. I love the line from an old favorite movie “Working Girl” with Melanie Griffith. She yells at her boyfriend, telling him, “I am not steak. You cannot just order me.” (I know that’s close).

On the other hand, many independent women want a man who is an alpha male; a man who can lead, take charge, and – act like a man. Is it realistic to expect an alpha male to be ultra considerate and rephrase all his thoughts as requests?

To me, if a good man get’s it right most of the time, let’s cut him a little slack and “slide over”.  All relationships require some compromise right?

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As a dating coach, here are three things I want you to think about:

  1. How do you communicate your preferences? What’s good for the gander is good for the goose right?
  2. You can more flies with honey – an old adage that holds true today more than ever since everyone is in such a hurry. A little sweetness can go a long way.
  3. Everyone is entitled to a few nitpicks and quirks. However, what might you lighten up on to leave yourself more room for a man to appeal?

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