I just finished reading Patricia Bubash’s new book entitled Successful Second Marriages. Pat interviewed nine couples in their second marriages to learn what works, what doesn’t, how to get through the rough patches and why a second marriage can be wonderful.
The couples share real details of their lives and relationships, providing insight into what motivates them and the way they go about interacting with each other. Men and women express their fears, joys, hopes and dreams for their marriages. The interviews feel real, like you are sitting there and are a part of the conversation.
Ms. Bubash’s conclusions were straightforward and powerful:
1. The loss that stems from divorce can be equal to the loss due to a death
2. Full commitment is required to weather the periodic storms that marriages come up against. But that commitment can pull a couple through to the other side for a successful and loving marriage
3. Becoming self-aware is the key to success. Prior to entering another marriage, smart couples have done their homework. They have gone to counseling and participated in other types of awareness building processes that allow them to gain insight and understanding of themselves and make more mature choices. In addition, learning new skills for communication keeps the lines open for compromise, understanding and forgiveness.
4. Marriage is about friendship. As the years go by and the sizzle settles , marriages that survive do so because the couples are friends. Couples who enjoy a good conversation, each other’s company and are there to support each other are the ones that survive and thrive.
If you are seeking evidence that second marriages can work or want proof that looking for love a second time around is worthwhile, read Successful Second Marriages. Pat Bubash has put a solid dose of HOPE in a paperback just for you.