What Happens When You Know It All?

The Age-Old Question Continues – Why Didn’t He Call?

Today I had a possible new client call me. Sandy is 32 and very well versed in today’s top dating books and self help gurus. Mention a book title or hot program to her  – Sandy knows all about it. I applaud her well-researched and in-depth wealth of knowledge.

Knowing Everything Isn’t Helping Sandy
As it turns out, she called to test me to see if I’d sound the same as all those books she’s read and all the dating strategies she’s become familiar with. Unfortunately, she found me to be aligned with what many experts have to say. (I’m not surprised – great minds think alike!)

The fact that I agreed with other experts was very disappointing for Sandy. She desperately wanted to hear something different about her situation with “this guy.” She wanted me to say it was OK to call him.

Can I Call Him? – The Background

Sandy met Ted at her friend Barb’s party. Barb had told Ted about Sandy, putting in a good word and hoping they’d hit it off. Ted and Sandy did talk for quite a while at the party and he asked for her email address. Next day, Ted emailed Sandy, asking her out for coffee. They emailed all week with details and chatter.

When they met, they decided to go for a walk. it was  beautiful day. Then they went for coffee. next, since it was so nice they went for another walk. Then he suggested going back to his place which Sandy did. She said he was an absolute gentleman.

Ted said he had a nice time and they should do it again. Sandy thanked him and left smiling, looking forward to more. It’s been over three weeks and Sandy hasn’t heard from Ted. This is why Sandy was SO disappointed in my advice which boiled down to the fact that she is not likely to ever hear from him again.

What did Sandy want me to tell her that none of the books and other experts seem to say in their strategies and text-book advice as she called it? Sandy wanted me to say that she should call him and get him to ask her out again.

That sort of advice will never come out of my mouth! As a dating coaching for women, it’s my job to share my years of experience, knowledge, insights and objective observations. That’s why people pay me – for genuine, savvy, knowledgeable advice that is on target, practical and simple to follow.

Sandy Made Numerous Dating Mistakes:

1. Do NOT over stay your welcome. Maybe Ted is one of those nice guys who didn’t know how to end the date. Have the good sense to drink you coffee, or go for a walk, say thank you and exit. For goodness sakes, leave a man wanting more.

2. Do NOT enter a man’s home, even if he’s a friend of a friend, before you know and trust him. This is just not safe.

3. I don’t recommend going for a walk unless its a busy, well-populated place. Don’t go walking in the woods as a dating activity unless there are a lot of other people all around. This is another obvious safety precaution.

4. Do NOT waste weeks hoping a guy will call you. Even 10 days is dicey. If a man waits that long to contact you for another date, or worse still, just to chat, he’s not a good candidate for long-term romance.Dating, finding love or maybe you, are not likely to become his top priority ever.

5. Do NOT make excuses for a man who is “busy”. Busy men know what they have to  do to gain your attention and affection. Even if he’s traveling, he’ll contact you to keep the flame burning. He’ll be thinking about you, curious about you and wanting to know you better. That will drive him to connect

Here’s an Example from My Own Life
My husband is a reserved, shy, and laid-back guy. Yet, Paul had no problem asking me for date two at the end of date one. Trust me, men know exactly what to do if they want to see you. And waiting three weeks is NOT the way to go if he likes you.

I offered this perspective to Sandy, but she let me know that she already knows all that. She knows it all, yet hung up frustrated, confused and feeling bad. My heart goes out to Sandy because she rather believe all the experts are wrong about Ted. We know better right?


Photo Credit: Ollily

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