Some women are quite content being single. They have consciously chosen their single status and have been very happy with that choice. I am all for happiness, in or out of relationship 🙂
However, what is really important is to be honest with yourself about your desires…Because if you choose to remain single and “be done with men” to avoid being hurt, then that may not be your TRUE or ultimate desire. And you may end up with some regrets.
I recently spoke with Claire, a woman of 68 who had been married for over 20 years and had four children that were now grown with families of their own. She got divorced from her husband in her late 40’s and relished her freedom. Claire had an adventurous spirit, took many lovers and tells fabulous, delicious stories that are book-worthy.
Eight years ago, Claire purposely chose to not bother with men any more. She said she had had enough. She took on other adventures like traveling and redecorating her home and she enjoyed all of that too. Now at 68, she is wondering if she made the best choices. Why?
- Was it because she didn’t enjoy her life? Absolutely not.
- Was it because she didn’t have the support of a good man? Nope.
- Was it because she didn’t have a loving partner today? Not that either.
Claire told me she came to realize she doesn’t have a man in her life who has known her for years. Looking back, she sees that even though she has incredible and fun memories, she doesn’t have a man to share them with and this gave her pause to wonder about her choices. She feels there would have been value and comfort in a second, long-term romantic relationship, more than her gallivanting provided.
This realization came to her when talking to a girlfriend in her 50’s. Sharon, now divorced, has had her own share of flings and fun with men. Now she too is tired of all that excitement and not being able to count on men. (Not that she was chooisng men by their ability to be counted on, stable or monogamous.)
That’s when it came to Claire about her own situation. As she shared about her own love life, Claire recommended that Sharon not rush into that decision to “be done” with men.
As a dating coach for women who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I encouraged Claire to keep in mind that she could still choose to find love again. While they won’t have all the history between them, they can create a new history and build a new foundation. After all, Claire has the skills to interact with men romantically. The first step is for her to DECIDE she wants a man in her life again.
Claire decided to go for it!
If you who are reading this post and have avoided men to keep yourself safe from the pain of love, ask yourself if you’ve been holding back from a deep, truer desire that lies beneath the safety net you created. If you want a loving relationship, but have fears about it, you are not alone in those fears. Many woman share them and the good news is there are ways to work through them.
As your dating coach, I don’t want you to look back later with regrets that you could have made different choices.
Take time to assess your true desires and be honest with yourself.
If you are happy as a single woman – that is awesome! But, if you secretly wish things were different, wish you were in a lasting, loving relationship, please be BOLD and DECIDE to do something about it.
Photo Credit: Lawrence OP