Oh Not Me, I’m Done with Men

I attended the Westport Country Playhouse’s recent Girl’s Night Out event.  As always the playhouse puts on a lovely evening for women with vendors offering shopping and services, cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, followed by the play.

This program always attracts an interesting crowd of women who are a mix of single and married, upscale and fond of  the arts. I had a booth displaying my books and audio programs and I was open to chatting with anyone who wanted to talk about dating. In addition, if a woman gave me her email address, I offered to send her my free ebook.

The comments inspired by or in reaction to my booth, my wares and my profession were as varied as the attendees. But this year, I decided to make a list of the negative comments just for fun. Here is the short list:

“Oh not me, I’m done with men”
“You’ve got to be kidding? Who needs that?”
“My husband passed away and now I’m finally free.”
“I’m not even divorced yet, never mind do that again.”
“Who needs men? I don’t want that.”

Lucky for me I have a thick skin huh? But I know that these woman aren’t saying anything about me. They are voicing their feelings about their painful experiences with men. I’m not a man, so I can’t take this personally.

As a dating coach for women dating after 40 and dating after divorce, hearing these comments makes me feel very sad. Since I’m a champion of finding love, my heart goes out to these women who are so very wounded by men. I don’t doubt they have solid reasons for closing their hearts. I frequently hear bitterness, anger, despair, hurt, disgust, frustration, fury, resentment, etc.

If you are reading this blog post and have any of these feelings, I want you to know that I understand. I’m empathetic and sympathetic to your plight. Yet, hope springs eternal for me. I can invision shifts in perspective and thinking that can turn around and open the door to love.

Let Love In by Debra Brendt

Right now I’m reading a fabulous book called Let Love In by Debra Berndt. She’s a hypnotherapist who specifically works with people about love  and how to eliminate blocks to finding “the one.” I love this book and her methods. They are powerful and life changing. At the same time, they are simple and anyone can follow her transformative process.

Love might not be for everyone. And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with living single. I was single until I was 40 and had a rich, fun and very enjoyable life. For me, I wanted more. I wanted love and a partner to share my life with. If there’s a part of you that wants that too, even the tiniest smidgen, as your dating coach I ask you to please reach for it.  

I found love after 40 when I had no hope or propects. That’s why I know deep in my heart, you can do it too.


3 responses on “Oh Not Me, I’m Done with Men

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Been There,

    Right at the end of the post I state that love might not be for everyone. So I do acknowledge singleness as a life choice. You don’t NEED a man to live a happy life. And you are absolutely correct – a relationship does take time and energy. So not sure if you feel put upon in general or by my post. But my question to you is – why are you reading a dating blog?

    The point of my post was feeling empathy for women who were wounded by men in relationship who have now sworn off men for that reason. I have compassion for them because it seems like more of a reaction, more than a choice. As a dating coach, I want people who want love to find it.

    However, if you are totally satisfied single and enjoying life – GOOD FOR YOU! That is a wonderful accomplishment and a great way to live life. I am thrilled that you made a choice and it’s working out the way you wanted. No arguments here – only praise.

  2. Been there

    Why are women always made to feel they need to defend their decission to be single? Not everyone wants a relationship or has been wounded by men, some of us want more out of life and a relationship would take away time and energy from going after it. Single isn’t always a temporary state or a failure, for some of us being able to atay single in a world where we’re pushed to couple up and mistreated for the crime of not doing do so making to to 40 single is a victory.

  3. Cynthia

    I remember hearing a woman widowed in her ’50s say, “why would I try to find another man? So-and-so was fantastic. Why would I try to find a fig newton when I had the creme brulee!” Well, I thought, that’s great that you were so successful, but maybe there’s a key lime pie out there for you, or a Sachertorte! You never know until you get outside your comfort zone, right?

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