Yesterday, I had lunch with my friend Beth. She’s seeing a new guy and she’s reached the 3 month mark, a pivotal time in a new relationship. While she has really been enjoying Tom, he had begun doing a few things that started getting under her skin.
Last weekend, as she began her drive to see him (the trip is an hour), she was already ruminating and feeling irritated. She realized that a bad attitude was brewing and could potentially ruin her time with Tom. Then, Beth made a truly remarkable decision. In that moment of awareness, she bravely chose to shift her thinking.
The first step Beth took was to drive a different way to Tom’s house. Instead of racing down the highway, Beth picked a quiet state road. That small detour helped her stop obsessing and feeling angry because she had new scenery to view. The beautiful country tour helped her breathe more deeply, enjoy the ride and relax.
Since Beth was feeling better, she not only let go of her irritation with Tom, but chose more pleasant topics as her focus. By the time she arrived, she had an entirely different perspective on the situation. The best part? She and Tom had a great weekend together.
This was an incredibly powerful shift for Beth. What a perfect example of how much your control your own experience. She stopped blaming Tom and dropped her concerns. She pondered about more positive thoughts and relaxed her mind and body. The rewards speak for themselves.
Once you’ve spent a few months with a guy, you may start to experience little irritations. You are both settling into a routine and letting your hair down so to speak. Annoyance can be expected as both genders begin too relax and your best behavior tends to lapse.
At times, real concerns do surface at the three month mark. But often, partners can get past this phase and deepen the relationship by realizing that every relationship, no matter how good, does take work. Sometimes you need to stretch a bit, get out of your comfort zone and look at yourself. Once my dating coaching clients get to this stage, we work together to find ways through these situations.
This is actually why I chose my husband. I knew I could not be pushy and demanding with him, It just wouldn’t work. So, after 13 years together, I still have to rise above my natural tendencies to look for other ways and opportunities to handle my wants and our issues.
When you can look at yourself and make a choice to shift from within, rather than try to change someone else (which we all know does not work) you are sitting in the power seat for better, deeper, and healthier relationships.
Enjoy your Memorial Day!
Photo Credit: DieselDemon