Everytime I speak or present a workshop on any dating topic, the conversation is guaranteed to end up on how online dating stinks! People are frustrated, angry, bitter, confused and fall into despair about this method to meet new people.
What are they mad about? Here’s what my dating coaching clients tell me who are daitng over 40 and dating after divorce:
- No one writes
- No one returns an email
- People disappear and stop conversing
- Their photos are old
- The people who contact them are old
- Men only want younger women
- Women only want men who make a lot of money
- He only wants to write emails or texts
- She won’t meet me, but loves to talk on the phone
Trust me when I say it’s an endless list of complaints.
All of this is true of course. But how you look at it – that is what counts! That’s the most important thing. How can there even be more than one way to look at this? What stinks, stinks – its that simple right?
So much of the unhappiness and discontent stems from remarkably unrealistic expectations. But it may not be your fault. You just don’t know what to expect so you’ve made a few very large erroneous assumptions. Since you think the way you look at online dating is correct and your expectations are appropriate, you find your results to be dismal at best. As a dating coach, I hear about this topic all the time.
Enter Evan Marc Katz, an LA dating coach who spent time working at JDate.com where he learned a lot about the Internet as a search tool for love. He wrote a couple of very good books too. I’ve read, I Can’t Believe I’m Buying this Book: A Commonsense Guide to Internet Dating. He certainly is a pro.
Evan just wrote a post on his blog answering a question from a woman who is just 29. She complains about the net and Evan explains that even though you don’t like 90% of the people who write to you, only 10% are probably right for you anyway. So, expecting more is really the problem – that’s the point. As I said, erroneous expectations.
I also point out that women often want to stop the flow of the wrong men contacting them. But how do you do that? What you can do is stop the flow of ALL men contacting you if you aren’t careful with the messages you send out into the Universe. MANifesting works both ways – to attract more of what you DO want – or if you’re not careful, more of what you DON’T want.
If you think online dating stinks, then I encouarge you to read this post by Evan. It will help clear up some misconceptions about finding love online.