Almost three years ago my marriage of 22 years broke up. I was upset, but not heartbroken. Now I just broke up with a man I was seeing for 7 months. Everything was fine, but he decided he could not see a future because of our kids, so broke it off. I feel more heartbroken than my when marriage broke up and 6 weeks later can’t seem to move on. I feel so frustrated with myself.
Can you please give me advice on what to do?
I’m so sorry you are struggling over this break up. No matter what, breaking up is always hard. As I tell my dating coaching clients who are over 40 or dating after divorce, best thing you can do at this point is to take really good care of yourself. Here’s a list of activities that can help:
- Get plenty of rest
- Eat well
- Maybe indulge occasionally in a yummy treat or two
- Get a facial or a massage if you like them
- Read a new book
- Call a girlfriend
- See a fun movie – no tear-jerkers!
- Get some exercise
- Play with your kids
- Start a new project
- Do something creative – like paint, sew, knit, etc.
- Enjoy music or play some if you know how – music is very healing
- Sing your favorite songs Karaoke style – they have this on youtube
- Try a Reiki healing session
- If needed, visit a therapist or counselor for professional help
- Get a make over
- Buy a couple of new clothing items
- Write in a journal
- Write your ex a letter but don’t send it! Burn it instead to free yourself
- Learn something new
- Take a class or a workshop on any topic (not just dating)
Time will heal and all of these suggestions are to help you pass the time. Pick a few of these that appeal to you or do a bunch of them. Dedicate yourself to feeling better and healing the wound and disappointment. Even though you are a busy single mom, take time out for yourself to do the healing work that will make a difference.
Lastly, it might be worthwhile to re-evaluate this man. You say that everything was fine, but now you can see that everything wasn’t fine at all. To some degree,your relationship was based on illusion because your guy wasn’t being completely honest with you UNTIL he was totally honest and left. That stinks and it says something about who this man really is.
Perhaps he did really like you and tried to see if things could work out, but decided he couldn’t do it. Regardless, he was not the right man for you because the right man knows you are a package deal with your children and will be OK with that. And will find a way to blend the families together (if that was the issue).
One last thing. When you do start to feel better, make a list of what you do and don’t want in a man. For the don’ts, find a way to remind yourself as you meet new men. You want to make sure you don’t see these unwanted characteristics again. Sometimes women overlook flaws since there are so many things about a guy that dazzles them. An interest in blended families is something that cannot be overlooked.
You can read more ideas in Chapter 28 “Broken Heart Repair” of my book, MANifesting Mr. Right
This experience has been very unpleasant and difficult for you. But it in no way does it indicate that you cannot find love again. In time, you’ll get back to there to try again. But make sure you do the healing work needed before you do.
Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating coach