Dating after Divorce: Why Don’t They Ask for a Second Date?

Why No Second Date?

Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,

My friends and I all struggle with this issue. Many of the men we go on first dates with say they had a great time and they’d like to see us again. Some even follow up with a text saying thanks for a great night – stuff like that. Yet, they don’t ask us out again. No second dates, Do we just let these guys go? Or, is there something we can do to get them to plan the next date?

Thanks for your help,
Looking for Seconds

Dear Looking,

This is a very common problem and it’s not always personal. The majority of men don’t like rejection and don’t want to inflict pain. So they act  interested, saying he’ll call you, when he doesn’t have any thoughts of doing so. Just the way it is. Men don’t mean this to be hurtful, often the intention is quite the opposite!

There are several possible reasons why this might happen:

  1. Men get lost dating a bunch of women
  2. They re-evaluate if they want to date at all
  3. They aren’t sure what they want
  4. Dating you seemed like a good idea at the time
  5. You remind him of his ex
  6. He met someone he likes better

It’s impossible to really know why.

As a woman, your job is to let him know you had a great time at the end of the date. Give one compliment like: 

  • You are so easy to talk to
  • You are very funny
  • You really know a lot about____
  •  I ‘d like to learn more about ____
  • You picked a great restaurant

Then, smile, kiss if kissed, say thank you and that’s it! As a woman, your job is done.

If a man doesn’t come back for more, let’s face it, he’s not the right guy. Maybe that seems very cut and dry, but its the simple truth. I know women often don’t want to accept it, but it will sure make your dating life easier if you do.

Sometimes a woman asks me for a last ditch effort but this is not recommended for use with every man who disappears. After a week has gone by and you haven’t heard a peep,you can send an email or text that says something simple such as:

  • Hope you had a good weekend. I was thinking about (something you talked about) and thought of you.
  • Or ask a follow up question about something you discussed that was coming up for him.

I know this is frustrating but the best strategy to keep you going is to ask yourself – “Who’s next?” There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t get hung up on the one (or three…) guy(s) who got away. Console yourself instead with the  new possibilities. This really works for many of my clients, so please give it a shot.

Friday I’ll talk about a few  things you and your friends might have done that could sabotage your date without even realizing it.


Photo Credit: The Pink Peppercorn

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