Dating After Divorce: When is it OK to Invite a Man on a Date?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

Feminine energy is about being receptive, I know.   When is it OK to invite a man that you have dated somewhere?  I saw an opportunity to buy theatre tickets cheaply via  my company discount.   Is it OK to ask a man that I’ve been out with two to three times?

What about initiating conversations, emails, texts, phone calls?   I seem to get only in the habit of responding and avoid initiating.  Is this always appropriate?

Thanks for your answers!
Ready to Go

Dear Ready to Go,

Excellent questions!

When you choose to work iwth me as your adting coach,I recommend using your feminine energy and charm during the beginning phase of dating is important for success for several reasons.

First, when you sit back and observe, you can collect valuable data about what your date will do WITHOUT your prompting him. This is how you start to determine his interest level through Yin Yang Dating Strategy:

  • By the frequency of his calls
  • The space between them
  • His follow through on promises to call

There is only one way to collect this information and that is through the high school chemistry analogy I often use. Put the ingredients into the beaker, turn on the bunsen burner and then, as is protocol with all chemistry experiments, you OBSERVE. No stirring or adding ingredients – that changes the variables and you don’t have a clear experiment. Same thing goes for dating. Pay attention to what your date does or doesn’t do to win you over. You can tell what a man is thinking far more by watching his actions then listening to the words coming out of his mouth.

Second, your feminine charm is welcoming and hospitable. Men choose women who make them feel good and are easy to get along with. High maintenance and demanding women, women who are too busy or hard to please are not as attractive for obvious reasons. This part of attraction has nothing to do with your physical appearance.

Third, relying on your feminine energy means that you let the man lead initially, at least the first 4-10 dates. Think of ballroom dancing. There is only one leader and one follower. Two leaders on the dance floor create a power struggle and the same is true for dating. Do not step in to get things moving. Let him take the first step then follow his lead.

So, if you are going to date using feminine energy, you won’t be asking a man to do anything until you know you have an unspoken date on Saturday night – you just know you’ll see him. This is when dating shifts to the first stage of relationship.

Regarding other communication – men often complain about women who over communicate. Women use three times as many words as men do anyway. That means, please use restraint here too. If he calls you – call him back. But I wouldn’t call him more than once a week after maybe the 5th or 6th date.

Hang back and leave space for your date to seek you out. That creates magnetism and attraction – the invitation to call you. It’s a lot different than calling him and invading his space.

You can never go wrong when you put Yin Yang Dating Strategy to work for you and rely on your feminine charm. I highly recommend this dating method which will save you a lot of angst and energy. Let your date do the work and then you will know if he’s into you  or not.

5 responses on “Dating After Divorce: When is it OK to Invite a Man on a Date?

  1. K

    Okay, I’m back! One thing that is a caveat here–this guy has had a crush on me for a long time (but from afar, without knowing me). He always thought I was out of his league because I am slightly older (three and a half years) and more successful than him in my chosen career (I have accomplished a lot for my age). So that is why I asked him out. And after the date, which went well, he told a mutual friend that he liked me but felt like he acted awkward. So he is somewhat shy I guess and self-conscious, which is partly why I did some of the work “for him” so to speak.

    This is why I am a little hesitant to step back–I am not sure if he will feel that I am not interested anymore, since he’s so sensitive.

    As they say, “men are the new women.”

  2. Ronnie Post author

    So you’ve had one date and lots of texts, but no second date? Hmm, I wonder how much time has passed? Without more info its so hard to say. I recommend that you stop initiating and see what happens. If he stepes up to contact you – yeah!. If not, you will have your answer about the potential to turn the tables and have him pursue you.

    Keep in mind that a man may go when a woman asks him out on a date. And he may respond to texts, emails and your calls. But it only becomes his idea when he takes the step to win you over. So, stop all your effrots and let’s see what he does on his own without your prompting. If he doesn’t show up – he was flattered, but not that interested. That just won’t do – you want a man who wants you!

    This isn’t an easy thing for some women, but if this guy doesn’t work out, do your best to use your feminine energy in the future, so you won’t have to worry about shifting the power or communication flow. Good luck!

  3. K

    Okay Ronnie, here’s a doozy of a question for you! What do you do if you’ve already set a precedent for over-communicating, or you asked a guy out and it worked…he likes you and you went on a date, and you’ve been communicating via text or whatever since. But now you want to step back and let him lead a little to make sure he is really interested. What can you do–perhaps in subtle ways–to let him regain some of the lead? This is of course very early on in the relationship, after one successful date.

  4. Joy

    I love this article. I agree that it really works best when women use their feminine energy and let the man take the lead. It might seem old fashioned, but it really does work best in the long run despite what other books or experts may tell you.

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