Yesterday I listened to the Soulmate Summit and an interview with dating coach Evan Marc Katz. I also heard his bonus audio for Soulmate Summit attendees. Excellent! Evan is awesome. And its so good to hear a man say these things that I’ve been spouting for years. I tell you great minds think alike and I was amazed at how many of the exact same things we talk about.
That inspired me to write this post which I shared last night with the women participating in the 90 Day Challenge – Meet 50 Men in 90 Days! Here’s what I shared with my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce:
How to Meet More Men Than You Ever Dreamed Possible
1. Notice your inner dialog.
You know, that non-stop, idle chatter running through your brain. Is it negative and full of judgments about the men you encounter? Do you hear yourself thinking things like – “Look at those shoes. I’d never date him. Does he even own an iron?” This is not harmless chatter – oh no. It’s silent bud deadly in terms of keeping a positive attitude ansd building attraction to men.
Plus, if you are critical of them, you are probably also highly self-critical. And that’s not good for yourself-esteem.
What can you do? Start finding ways to notice the good stuff about the men you see, not just criticize them. think about what their good qualities might be. Consider the value men could bring to a relationship.
2. Appreciate men for who they are.
No matter how close to being equal we get to men, men will never be like your girlfriends. Just expecting them to be like your girlfriends will always leave you unsatisfied and maybe even angry. Men are men, not women or girlfriends. So they won’t be as caring, sensitive, or thoughtful. They probably don’t express their feelings very well or read your mind.
What can you do? Get realistic to enjoy who men are. Men are masculine. They can help you feel desirable, attractive, wanted, supported, cherished, loved and adored. Get clear on the value men offer and appreciate them for this unique aspect which other women cannot provide in your life.
3. Get curious about men.
Who are they? What makes them tick? What’s his favorite pizza, baseball team, vacation spot? What is his passion in life, his favorite way to enjoy leisure time, and books he likes to read? You might say that too many men are just boring. But is it them or our total lack of curiosity?
What can you do about this? Get curious about a man. That is the best way to get to know him. In coaching school, one of the first things they teach us is how to get curious and how valuable this is for building relationships. Practice being curious and see what you discover.
4. Let go of your need for instant love and hot chemistry.
Evan made an excellent point on this topic. These spikes in your emotions when you feel the roller-coaster ride of emotion and you just know he’s got that certain something, are not the best indicators of long-term romance. If they were accurate, you’d still be with the guys you had hot chemistry with. Good point Evan! Way to go. Evan asked where are these guys now in your life?
What can you do about this? Know that the sizzle is short-term and learn to allow feeling to build rather than be instantaneous. Attraction can and does grow! But its up to you to give it a chance. Give men a chance who fit into your grey areas of acceptance. So few men are 10’s and they come as a package deal with things that also don’t work for you. A man who is a 10 also has his pick of the world so its harder to capture nad keep his attention. A better startegy is to go for an 7, 8 or 9 and start to see the benefits of chemistry that grows as you get to know each other.
Come back tomorrow when I’ll share four more ways to meet more men than you ever dreamed possible. When you expand the grey areas of who is acceptable, you have a chance to find a good match!
Photo credit: PinkMoose