Glad you’re back to read the Valentine’s Day Blog-a-thon on day 6! Today’s guest dating blogger is Kathryn Lord who met her husband Drew online in 1998. A mental health professional for 34 years, she now works with singles as a Romance Coach, helping them find love find love using Internet dating sites. You can find her at www.Find-a-Sweetheart.com
Rejection: Better than You Could Possibly Imagine
Just about everybody worries about rejection, particularly in dating situations. None of us like hearing “no” when it comes to something we want. Yet, we hear “no” all the time in our everyday lives and manage to live through it. Why does hearing “no” from someone we are attracted to hurt so much? And can we change that?
The hurt we feel from “no’s” stems from our very beginnings. As infants, we felt perfect and powerful. Only with time and the civilizing attempts from our parents did we realize that we do not always get what we want. But our infant selves retain that feeling of total power, and understand (faultily) that if we don’t get what we want, there must be something wrong – with us. So when we hear a “no,” we get a double insult to our egos: we don’t get what we want, and it is our fault. It’s not true, but that’s the way our childlike selves understand the rejection.
What is true is that we are busy rejection people all the time. It’s all a matter of taste and preference. We reject 99.99% of possible mates without even thinking about it: they are too tall, too short, to fat or too skinny, the wrong color, religion, or political party, too poor or too rich, not well educated enough or too smart for their own good. And everyone else is busy rejecting 99.99% of others, too. Then we get overly focused on the .01% that do interest us, then devastated if the interest is not returned.
But when you think about it, it is pretty arrogant to think that the .01% of folks we do honor with our attention will, of course, be equally interested in us. Some probably will, maybe 10% of the .01%, but by no mean will all. The sweet spot is the overlap: those you like who also happen to like you.
Since so very few people fall into the “Sweet Spot” of mutual attraction, it is to your distinct advantage to know as soon as possible whether anyone you are interested in is also interested in you. You do not want to waste your time, nor do you want to waste theirs. Rejection needs to be WELCOMED, because it is information you need so that you will not waste time and energy – and money – on a lost cause. Better that you use your resources to find someone whose feelings of attraction are mutual.
Here’s what to do to minimize the pain:
- Do not let yourself “fall in love” with any one profile or person before you establish that they are equally interested in you.
- Develop a long favorites list and send out first emails of introduction in bunches of 5 or so, again, to protect yourself from getting to focused on any one at this point.
- When you get a “no” or a non answered email, welcome the quick answer and move on to the next person on your list.
- Learn to essentially ignore those who are not interested in you, just as you ignore all whom you are not interested in either.
- Remember, that as personal as this process feels, it is NOT PERSONAL.
To learn more about Kathryn , visit www.Find-a-Sweetheart.com
To read any of the previosu Dating Expert Blog-a-thon posts, click below:
Day #1 Love is in the Air and Its All about You by Marla Martenson
Day #2 Fall in Love on Valentine’s Day with Yourself by Bobbi Palmer
Day #3 The Love You Take is Equal to the Love You Makeby Terry Hernon MacDonald
Day #4 Single? 5 Tips to Get You Noticed this Valentine’s Day by Paige Parker
Day #5 Sing Your Own Love Song this Valentine’s Day by Ronnie Ann Ryan