Dating Over 40: I’m Better at Looking for What’s Wrong with Him than What’s Right

Dating Over 40 - Is the Glass Half empty?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach

My sister told me something recently after I shared how my last coffee date went with a guy from an online dating site. Bev said she thinks I’m looking for things that are wrong with the guy on a first date instead of really looking for what’s right. Only family can tell like it is, right?

There is probably some truth to this statement. I do think that the longer I’ve been on my own, the pickier I get. And of course nobody’s perfect. I also wasn’t big on dating divorced men who have children, but now that I’m 40, I think that ruling them out is not so realistic.

What do you think about my sister’s comment and dating divorced men now that I’m 40?

I appreciate your input.
Glass Half Empty

Dear Half Empty Glass,

Sounds to me like your sister made a very insightful comment. This happens a lot to many of my dating coaching clients  – looking for what’s not right vs. noticing what IS right. It’s human nature. But, now that you are more aware of this outlook and how it could negatively impact your dating results, you can work to shift this thought pattern.

As I share with my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40, this shift in thinking will help you be more open to the men you meet and have more of  a “we’ll see” attitude. “We’ll see” means there’s potential, but you’re not all “ga-ga” – which is a very good thing. When you’re ga-ga, it’s usually a steamy, short-lived, chemistry connection that doesn’t get much deeper.

Addressing the divorced men with children question, keep this in mind: The more open you are to getting to know different men, the better your chances of finding a good match. In other words, the fewer men you rule out – the better! A divorced man with kids may have some drawbacks, but he may have some good points that make the situation all worthwhile.

Of course, it is appropriate to be selective and there are some men you should not even consider. But on the whole, allowing yourself to meet more men and take the time to get to know them, is a smart strategy for the numbers game that dating really is.

Photo Credit : BG Lewandowski

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