Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,
I have a quick question for you. I am a woman recently divorced who is 31 years old. I’m a successful graphic designer who has only ever dated men who I have this in common with (a very good thing about my past relationships).
All the advice I see on the web about dating after divorce is pushing online dating…and it’s true I don’t particularly know how or where to meet men otherwise. Except the kind of men I am into…intellectual, very talented (yet still kind and reliable, etc.) don’t really gravitate towards these sites.
I feel a bit stuck. Do you think online dating is the only way to go? I tried it when I was younger and had no success at all meeting compatible guys.
Please tell me what you suggest,
Hi Creative Gal,
Did you know that online dating has over 40 million people who subscribe? I’m quite certain there are creative, intelligent men on those sites. I know one NYC ad man (he’s 54) who has found all his relationships this way over the past 10 years.
So, don’t think for one moment that your kind of guy isn’t on there – he is! Now, experts agree, it could take up to one year to connect with ‘the one,” but you could have many fun dates until you find him. And you can learn a lot about yourself in the process. The dating journey really is all about you – what works for you and what doesn’t. Who you feel more comfortable with, etc.
What I tell my dating coaching clients who are dating after divorce is that there’s no question the fastest way to kick start your dating life is online. Stick to the largest sites like Match.com, AmericanSingles.com and SinglesNet.net. I also hear good things about OKCupid.com. I’m not a fan of eHarmony for those over 40, but its possible at 30-ish, there might be more men on the site. Don’t use it exclusively though – I think its dubious as too how many men care about 29 points of personality or are willing to fill out 236 questions.
Of course at 30-something, I highly recommend speed dating as well. Not sure where you live but put “speed dating + city” into google and see what comes up near you. You might not meet the man of your dreams right away, but you’ll have wonderful opportunities to practice flirting, conversation skills and build confidence – which by the way is VERY attractive to men and women.
Here’s something else I really want you to think about.
I strongly recommend expanding your definition of the “right guy”. Only dating men in your own field is HIGHLY LIMITING. There are so many other intelligent men out there. What about lawyers, builders, craftsmen, teachers, and architects? These fields all require some level of creative thinking and you are leaving them out!
My hope for you , as with all my dating coaching clients, is that you can see what I’m talking about and feel like giving it a shot. Expand your definition of the “right guy”, give online dating another chance and keep your ears open for singles’ events in your area. The more men who you are open to meeting, the better your chances of finding one you really click with.
Wishing you love,
Photo Credit: Auntie P