Dating Over 40: Banish Your Fears of Rejection

Do you fear being rejected?
Does that fear keep you from getting out there to meet new people
Does this fear keep you from finding the love you want?

If you answered “Yes,” to any of htese questions, you are in very good company. Most people feel this way. The difference is the “degree” this fear is felt and what type of coping mechanisms you use to push past the fear.

Most human beings don’t want to be rejected. But that’s the way life is. Full of rejection in so many aspects of living. For example, there is rejection in:

  • Job hunting
  • Joining a country club
  • Entering a contest
  • Getting a book published
  • Making new friends
  • Asking for a refund on a purchase you made
  • Recommending a new restaurant to family for dinner
  • Throwing a party
  • Choosing a movie to see
  • Wanting to spend time with your teenager

As you can see, you can find rejection from the big dream goals in life, down to the simplest thing like where to have lunch with a friend.

So, the question is, how do you get past any of these fears? For some, you have decided not to worry about your idea being rejected – like suggesting where you want to have dinner. But others seem more daunting. The risk is bigger for you some how. But is it really?

When you really think about the risk of meeting new peopel and dating, are you worried about being rejected by potential sweethearts or what others will think of you if you are rejected? More often than not, you are more worried about what others will think. Rejection hurts but it can be EMBARRASSING. This is usually the biggest part of the fear. What will people think about me?

Here’s some breaking news on what other people think – you absolutely cannot live your life to please other people. You cannot live your life worried about what other people will think or you will be severely limiting yourself. And the even bigger newsflash – gossip about you may happen, but it will be replaced almost immediately by gossip about somebody else!  Gossipers need new gossip to keep their interest rolling and if you are unfortunate enough to be featured briefly – you’ll be forgotten even more quickly. That’s the truth about gossip.

Gossip is for people who don’t have enough going on in their own lives to think about so they turn to other people who are actually DOING STUFF.

So, if you put off going to a dance by yourself because you worry what others will think, get over it!

Because here’s what they could be thinking:

  • Wow, she’s really brave to go on her own
  • Isn’t that impressive – she’s confident enough to go solo
  • She’s very dedicated to her goal of finding the right guy

We think we know what other people are thinking. Sometimes we may be right. Usually, we are way off base with our guesses. That’s just another reason not to worry about what people think. You really don’t know what they think, nor should you care.

OK, now for a couple of strategies on how to push past your fears of rejection.  When you catch yourself  holding back because of fear:

1.Shift your focus to what you want and the positive outcome that can happen when you take the needed steps.

2. Think about what will happen if you decide to continue to do NOTHING. Will that bring you closer to your desires? The answer to that question is always “NO”.

3. Ask yourself, “What do you want? To be safe at all costs and go without or to take a risk and be happy because you got what you wanted? Yeah, think about that one a little longer…

Being physically safe is smart. Being emotionally safe is smart. But putting safety above all else prevents you from taking the calculated risks that help you attain any of your life’s goals adn joy.

Come on, take the chance!

  • Talk to a stranger
  • Smile at a man walking down the street
  • Go to a singles dance
  • Join a MeetUp group
  • Try speed dating
  • Post a profile on Match.com
  • Let a friend fix you up
  • Call a matchmaker
  • Walk your dog at a local park
  • Hire a dating coach for help

What I share with my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce is this: Life without risk of failure and rejection is boring and uneventful. And nearly impossible. Better to be safe than sorry? That’s nonsense in most cases and an excuse not to take action.

Put your toe in the water and try something new. It’s worth the risk of failure, rejection, and what others might think. In fact, it’s the only way to get what you want.

This is your life, not a dress rehearsal. Please make the most of it.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *