Dating Over 40: Why Can I Network But Feel Intimidated by Singles Events

Leverage your feminine energy and flirt!

The next question  from the 90 Day Challenge is another excellent topic to explore.

3. Why Can I Network But Feel Intimidated by Singles Events?

Many women in business feel very comfortable networking at chamber events or various functions designed for mingling. Yet, when it comes to meeting people for social reasons and dating, they lose their confidence and ability to feel at ease.

Why does this happen?

For some reason, women who experience this feel comfortable in the business setting. They are confident about how they present themselves and how others will see them. Perhaps they have achieved a degree of success that helps them work a room with certainty. Perhaps they have enough friends at these events that help them to feel safe.

but on the dating scene, all bets are off. maybe they don’t have any single girlfriends to go with. They fear being rejected and are not on the same solid ground regarding how they’ll be perceived. It’s understandable.

The skills you use should be the same, but they are not. There’s one big exception: Feminine Charm

This can be a tough topic when I’m working with my women dating coaching clients. You’ll need to rely more on your feminine energy than your masculine energy. Traditionally business is all about using masculine energy to get things done and make things happen. In today’s world, women have adapted and adopted these skills. You mastered them so well, that you may have forgetten how to turn it off and turn on your feminine charm.

But oh, this is so intrinsically vital to your dating success.

Femininity isn’t about being a door mat, dumbing yourself down, or being less than a man. Instead its about being inviting, welcoming, warm and friendly. Women who are good at interacting with men, know how to make a man feel good – and this is crucial, because men choose women who make them feel good!

The Masculine Angle: Hand him a card with your phone number and get the meeting.
The Feminine Angle: Smile and hold his gaze briefly, so he’ll know you’re approachable.

Then he’ll come talk to you and if you like  him, you’ll laugh at his jokes, touch his arm lightly and quickly, compliment him about something and create a desire within him so he WANTS TO KNOW MORE. These actions demonstrate your warmth and are perceived as inviting and charming.

I’ve written loads of posts about feminine charm and feminine energy because this is what separates successful daters from those who stand against the wall and wonder. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Feminine Charm – Think Hospitality

Why Flirting Works with  the Way Men Think

Once you get some practice in, you’ll catch on and find that not only is it easier than you thought, but its fun too! Flirting is a spontaneous, creative, playful way to interact with people. There’s no agenda – you are just flirting and being friendly with feminine flair.  It’s truly using your divine feminine power and is something men cannot do (Well maybe Gay men can). Flirting, when done well, creates a magnet that men find hard to resist. Its the best way to improve your desirability.

Here’s what I share with my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce: To capture male attention, don’t go head to head, using your masculine energy. Men don’t want to compete with you. Instead, leverage your divine birth right and feminine charm and  flirt with them! It’s fun and it works – like a CHARM.  Try it and then watch how your dating results change over night.


Phot Credit:  Thai Yin

6 responses on “Dating Over 40: Why Can I Network But Feel Intimidated by Singles Events

  1. Susan

    Hi Ronnie

    Thank you for this. This has been my problem all my life, even before my 40s. As soon as there is a single person I can not be myself. It is quite frustrating because then when I am myself, I can be quite charming when I sense no danger (my own perception of danger) and married people then get interested in me. Like Cathy says we need to love ourselves first, and i have not mastered that part yet.
    Thanks
    Susan
    Britax B-READY stroller

  2. Helen

    Ronnie,

    This is spot on for me as well! Tell me that there’s a great business contact in the room and I’ll put my best suit on and get in there. Tell me there are a few single guys in the room and I’ll lock the door and stay in my hotel.

    Many of us who are now midlife pretty much gave up our teenage flirting years in order to succeed in our careers. We focussed on competing with men, on being the best, on achieving in a man’s world. A lot of the time that meant deliberately setting out not to attract men in order to be taken seriously in our careers – dressing smartly but modestly, minimal make-up, no frills.

    In my own case it was even worse – I spent my twenties as an officer in the military – and the behaviors that were modeled were briskness, efficiency, plain speaking and dressing. Even now, I march rather than shimmy, and see flirting and makeup as shallow and vapid. It’s terrribly hard to undo behavior that generated such career success!

    Helen

  3. valerie

    Thank Ronnie,
    What an eye opener for me re: femmine vs masualine enger. Just started to date after 20 years of beening divorce and thinking no m$an would want me. But I know better now and thank you for helping me and other women realize that my designer orginal husband/friend/lover and protector is waiting my arrival. I desevre happiness and love!!!

  4. Ronnie Post author

    Thanks Cathy for sharing your own journey. Good for you that you took 6 months to learn to love yourself. That is totally invaluable and I bet it’s made a tremendous difference in your dating life. In fact, it will work in anyone’s life to build confidence and increase happiness.

    And Marianne Anderson -thanks for the twitter mentio!

  5. Cathy J

    Thank you Ronnie so much for this article. I was one of those people. I hosted various business networking forums over a number of years and was exactly as you said. I was very comfortable being the hostess, mc, working the room and even being the speaker. However when an attractive man seemed interested and asked me about me, I turned into an idiot (I could almost feel the dribble running out of my mouth). Seriously, I would even stutter.

    I totally agree with your comments on masculine and feminine energy.

    For me I had to decide I wanted to become desirable (in my own head). Once I made this decision, I spent the next 6 months or so preparing myself. This involved exercises to fall in love with me as a person. Now this might sound strange to some, but I mean it in the sense that we need to love ourselves then others will be attracted to that love.

    This period of time was invaluable!

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