Most women rely heavily on their girlfriends for dating advice. This is understandable. BUT it can be filled with self-sabotaging opportunities. Let’s take a look and why this is sadly the way to get some really bad dating advice, especially when dating after divorce.
Let me share my personal bad experience with getting bad advice from girlfriends. I was dating this guy Alex. He wasn’t the best looking guy and he didn’t have a great job. But he was a fabulous painter, super creative and very interesting. Yes, in hindsight – he had some solid bad-boy qualities.
Alex asked me out on a few dates in January. He said he was “finishing up” a relationship with a woman that he knew had to come to an end. I told him to let me know when he was “done” with her and until that point, we could date casually.
February came around. I was pleasantly surprised when he asked to come visit him on Valentine’s Day which happened to be a Saturday. I was totally perplexed and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to spend the night at his place because he wasn’t “finished” yet with the other woman. But, he did ask me for Valentine’s Day right? I started to think that must mean something about his feelings for me.
I went about gathering opinions. All my girlfriends said I should go for it. One in particular, Sarah, said I should “show him what he’s missing” by not dating me exclusively. Sarah had dated a lot of men and I thought that meant she knew what she was talking about. That she understood men and could give me sound, street-smart advice.
Wrong. Very wrong.
I drove up to spend the night with Alex. When I got there, I mentioned something about spending Valentine’s Day together and I could see immediately from his expression – he wasn’t really cognizant it was V-Day. He covered by saying how he was glad to celebrate with me. Yeah right.
I was already there, so I ended up following Sarah’s brilliant advice and sleeping with him. Poor choice. On Monday he called to tell me he wasn’t ready for the type of relationship I wanted and could we back things up. I couldn’t believe it! Of course I said no, that I didn’t want to see him any more. Probably the response he was hoping for anyway.
What happened? What about all that supposedly great girlfriend advice? What about Sarah and her knowledge of men?
Here’s what I learned the hard way.
1. Your Girlfriends Want to Be Nice
Your girlfriends want to support you and agree with you. The likelihood of them telling you something contrary to the way you are already thinking is just about NONE. Your girlfriends want to be nice and keep you happy, not tell you the truth – if they even know it.
2. Experience Does Not Equal Intelligence
Just because a woman has been with a lot of men, doesn’t mean she knows anything about what men think or why they do what they do. Experience doesn’t equal intelligence or a dating IQ that could be helpful to you. Had a taken a deeper look at Sarah’s relationships, I would have seen that she is not a person I wanted to emulate.
3. Trust Yourself Above All Else
I KNEW BETTER! Yet, I got convinced and side-tracked by well-meaning friends who told me what they thought I wanted to hear. There is no replacement for your own gut instincts and self-knowledge. What I tell my over 40 dating coaching clients is to rely on your intuition about what is right for you and the life lessons you have already learned.
4. Seek True Experts
Back when I was dating, I don’t think there were any dating coaches. Dating Coaching is relatively new – about 10 years. So instead, I read a lot. And the books that helped me the most from the late 90’s were written by MEN. I found many answers to situations that had plagued me in these books like What Men Really Want.
Times have changed! Now there are lots of dating coaches to help you. Look for a coach who is in a relationship or married, so you know their advice actually works and is proven effective. You can read about coaching with me by clicking here.
I also found two of my girlfriends who really knew about men and could see right through what I found puzzling. I begged these women stop being nice and tell me the truth. Their insights were invaluable and very different than most of my girlfriends who didn’t have a clue about men. Usually answers about men are very simple. That’s how you know you are on the right track. Men are just not complicated like we women are.
Start relying on yourself and true dating experts to improve your dating results. Stop gathering useless and bad dating advice from your girlfriends who mean well but will likely steer you wrong!
Photo Credit: The Peach Martini