Find Love Again: Dispel Creepy Notions about Midlife Dating

What is keeping you from finding your perfect mate? Are you like many of my dating coaching clients who may be haunted by unfulfilled hopes,  stuck on the horror of a broken heart or hung up on hair-raising tales of rejection? Let’s dispel these creepy experiences about midlife dating so you improve your chances of finding “the one.”

Haunted by Unfulfilled Hopes
Do you hope that you’ll someday find the right partner and yet fear that it will never happen? This common dread often causes a “why bother?” attitude that becomes a convenient excuse to avoid doing anything to turn the situation around and find love.

The lack of action is really the scary part and should be your biggest concern.  After all, the likelihood of meeting someone by doing nothing is pretty slim. If you’re haunted by unfulfilled hopes, use that to get motivated, create an action plan, and start looking for the love of your life!

Horrors of a Broken Heart
It’s true, no one consciously volunteers for heartbreak. Yet, you have to take some risk to open your heart and find lasting love. One way to protect yourself is to take things slowly during the first few dates. The first four to eight meetings are a time meant for observation to determine if the person you are seeing is worthy of your time and the risk.  Listen to what your date says and watch what he/she does to determine the level of sincerity.

Some singles hold on tight to the idea of love at first sight and expect instant chemistry. This feeling can overshadow your better judgment, as you imagine how this will be a fabulous future relationship. Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Instant chemistry often dissipates as fast as it showed up.

To prevent this type of heartbreak, ground yourself in the present moment. You have a lot to learn about that other person no matter how ideal he or she might seem initially. Choose a “wait and see” mindset to safeguard your heart and use your head for realistic dating decisions.

Hair Raising Tales of Rejection
Let’s face it – when you date, you will get rejected. It’s a natural and totally unavoidable part of the singles’ scene. Women haven’t cornered the rejection market – men feel it too and, they don’t like it either.

You can work through rejection that comes in the first few dates by asking yourself this simple question, “Who’s next?” As I share with my dating coaching clients, this powerful question reminds you that the Universe is an abundant place and there are plenty more fish in the proverbial sea. Maybe one got away, but with 42 million singles over the age of 40 in the US, there’s absolutely no shortage of prospects.

In addition, “Who’s next?” thinking gets you focused on what’s important – the strong probability that someone good is still out there for you. A positive outlook will pull you through even the toughest times. Ask yourself “Who’s next?” and feel excited about the great prospects you might meet tomorrow.

I tell all my dating coaching clients that Halloween is a fabulous time to meet new people. Costumes let people take greater social risks.  For the ladies, pick an alluring costume to cast a spell on the opposite sex. And for the gentlemen, be the prince charming you really are to attract that princess of your dreams. Say “boo” to those relationship goblins, smile, be friendly, and have fun!

photo credit: JamieAnne

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